11/04/2025
When an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) sponsor abuses their authority, it becomes punitive or authoritarian when they turn suggestions into rigid requirements, make decisions for their sponsee, or use control and coercion rather than support. Signs of this include dictating specific meetings, demanding personal information, punishing a sponsee for non-compliance, or berating them for not following instructions. Such behavior crosses the line from helpful guidance to control, often stemming from the sponsor's own ego or a lack of understanding of their role as a guide, not a dictator.
Signs of an abusive or authoritarian sponsor
> Using ego and control: This type of behavior often stems from the sponsor's ego, where they see themselves as a "substitute higher power" rather than a peer guide.
>Berating or shaming: They may resort to public shaming or berating, which is a clear red flag.
>Making requirements, not suggestions: A good sponsor offers guidance, but an abusive one insists on their way, turning suggestions into non-negotiable rules.
>Controlling decisions: An authoritarian sponsor might dictate which meetings you can attend or make you disclose personal information against your will.
>Punitive behavior: Instead of encouraging you to work through issues, they might punish you for non-compliance or perceived misbehavior.
What to do if you encounter this
• Recognize the red flag: Understand that when suggestions become requirements, the sponsor is crossing a boundary.
• Set boundaries: A sponsor should not make decisions for you or control your life outside of the AA program, including giving any direction on medication. That is the function of your doctor.
• Seek a new sponsor: The program is designed for one alcoholic to help another, and if a relationship becomes unhealthy, you are not obligated to stay in it. You can "unceremoniously" find a new one.
• Remember the AA principles: Sponsorship is meant to be a supportive, peer-based relationship. If it feels coercive or harmful, it is not in line with the core principles of AA.
Traditions 2 & 12
Leaders are but trusted servant, they do not government.
Principles before personalities.
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