04/20/2022
The Things I Wish I Were Told When I Was Diagnosed With Cancer
~ Your relationships are about to change. All of them. Some will get stronger. They will probably not be with the people you would expect. The people you want to handle this well might not be able to for a variety of reasons. Some of the reasons will be selfish. Some of them will be entirely innocent and circumstantial. All of them will be forgivable because no one plans for cancer. Carrying bitterness or anger wonʹt help your recovery. Fighting for anyone to stick with you wonʹt cure you. Those who can, will.
~ You will be determined to have more energy than you do. You will convince yourself that you are thinking straight, are able to handle all of this and do not need anyone. You will run out of fuel. Your body will change first and your mind will follow. You wonʹt lose your mind, memories or sensibility. It will all come back. But, you will be different. You will never have the same sense of self. You should embrace this. Your old self was probably really great. Your transformed self will be even better. Give into what is happening and trust it.
~ You are going to feel fear. Even if you are normally stubborn, confident and seemingly invincible you will finally find yourself admitting that you are scared of something. Cancer is scary and incredibly confusing. The unknowing will eat at you worse than the disease itself. Youʹll need distractions. Music and sleep will probably be the ones you resort to most. Reading will become difficult. So will watching TV or movies, having conversations, writing and basically everything else. They call it ʺchemo brainʺ for a reason. You will feel normal eventually ... Just a new kind of normal. When you feel afraid let yourself lean on those around
you. Cry. Be vulnerable. You are vulnerable. There will be time for strength, but never admitting weakness will cause anxiety to mount and your condition to worsen. Let it all out. Yell if you need to. Sing when you feel up to it. Sob uncontrollably. Apologize for your mood swings. Treatments and prescriptions will often be the cause of them. The people that love you will understand.
~ The people that love you will be just as scared as you are. Probably more! They will be worrying even when they are smiling. They will assume you are in more pain than you are. They will be thinking about you dying and preparing for life without you. They will go through a process that you will never understand just like they will never understand the process you are going through. Let them process. Forgive them when they donʹt understand. Exercise patience when you can. Know that those that were built for this will be there when you get to the other side and you will all be able to laugh together again. Youʹll cry together too. Then youʹll get to a place where you will just live in the world again together and that is when you know that you have beaten this.
~ The sooner you recognize that you are mortal, the sooner you can create the mentality for survival. There is a chance you might not make it. Just like there is a chance that you will. Donʹt look at statistics. You are unique and what is happening inside you is unique. Your fight is yours alone and there are too many factors to compare yourself to others that have had your condition. No one will want you to think about death, but you wonʹt have a choice. You will think about it from the moment you are given your diagnosis. Come to terms with it. Calmly accept it. Then, shift every thought you have into believing that you wonʹt die. You are going to beat this. Your mental focus on that fact will be more powerful than any treatment you receive.
~ Your doctors and nurses will become your source of comfort. You will feel safe with them. If
you do not feel safe with them you need to change your care provider immediately. There is no time to waste. This shouldnʹt be a game played on anyoneʹs terms but yours. When you find the right caretakers you will know immediately. Do not let insurance, money or red tape prevent you from getting the treatment you deserve. This is your only shot. There is always a way. Find those hands that you trust your life in and willingly give it to them. They will quickly bring you a sense of calm. They will spend time answering your questions. There will be no stupid questions to them. They wonʹt do anything besides make you feel like you are the most important life that exists. They will never make you feel like they donʹt have things in control. They will be honest and accessible at all times. They might even become your friends. You might celebrate with them over drinks months or years after they have cured you. They deserve your gratitude, respect and appreciation daily. If you get upset at them during treatment know that theyʹll forgive you. They get that youʹre going through something they canʹt imagine, but they understand better than anyone. They see it every day and they choose to be there because they want to make the worst experience of your life more tolerable.
~ You will need to find balance after treatment. Start by seeking balance during treatment. Eat well. Sleep well. Listen to your body. Explore meditation. Experiment with new forms of exercise that arenʹt so demanding. Embrace massage and other body therapies. Go to therapy. A therapist will be able to guide you through your journey in ways you could never fathom. Do not be too proud to speak to someone. You cannot afford to store up the intensity of the emotion that comes with fighting a life‐threatening illness. Let it out for yourself. You will begin to hear your voice changing. That voice is who you are becoming in the face of mortality. Listen to that voice. It will be the purest, most authentic version of you that you have ever known. Bring that person into the world ‐‐ strengths and vulnerabilities and everything between. Be that person forever.
~ You will inspire others. It will feel weird. People you havenʹt spoken to since grade school will be in touch. Ex‐girlfriends, former colleagues ... even people you felt never wanted to talk to you again. The influx of interest in your seemingly fading life will be greater than any living moment you have ever experienced. That support is what will shift a fading life into a surviving one. Be grateful for every message. Be appreciative of each gift and each visit. There will be moments where all of this attention will make you feel lonelier than you have ever felt in your life. In a hospital room full of people with messages stuffing your inbox, voicemail and mailbox you will find yourself feeling completely alone. This is when you will realize that you could afford to have a stronger relationship with yourself. That only you walk this earth with 100% investment in you. Make the investment and use this as an opportunity to reexamine your self‐worth. Love yourself more than ever and recognize how much love there is for you in the world. Then start sharing that love. You will come to see that even when you are the neediest person you know you can still be giving. Giving will make you feel better than taking. When you get to the other side you wonʹt believe it. They will tell you the disease is gone. Everyone you know will rejoice and return back to their lives. Youʹll constantly wonder if it is coming back. Slowly this feeling will fade, but cancer will always be a part of you. It will define how you see the world moving forward. Youʹre going to feel like the future is a funny thing to think about because the present is going to suddenly seem incredibly important. Keep moving. Youʹll be more productive. Youʹll understand who truly loves you because they will still be there. Youʹll want to meet new people that connect to the newly evolved version of your old self. Youʹll want to let go of those that donʹt ʺgetʺ who you are now. Youʹll feel a little guilty doing it. Then, youʹll move on. You donʹt have time to waste. The greatest gift youʹve been given is that you now can understand that and youʹre going to make the most of every second. Youʹre going to be the most passionate person you know going forward. Translate that passion to a greater purpose. Be fearless again.
~ ~ God bless you in your journey. Stay positive and remove any and all negativity from your
world.
