Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

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Santa Monica, CA
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist, Writer "Codependency for Dummies" (http://amzn.to/1BBcrWO) is available in bookstores and online.
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My new book, "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships,” is available as a PDF here: https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist
or paperback here: https://amzn.to/3M8DjoM, Ask your local store to order it for you. It's based on personal experience and over 30 years of helping people overcome addiction and codependency and improve their self-esteem, marriage and relationships. It contains self-assessments, an in-depth explanation of symptoms and relationship dynamics, and steps and exercises to recover. Readers quickly see changes and acquire skills to solve problems, better communicate, and manage emotions and boundaries. Because self-esteem and assertiveness are so important in recovery, I also wrote ebooks, "10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism" and "How to Speak your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits" + webinars on both topics. I published 5 more ebooks, including: "Dealing with a Narcissist," "I'm Not Perfect - I'm Only Human - How to Beat Perfectionism," "Codependency Daily Reflections" and "Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps. All ebooks may be downloaded from my website at http://bit.ly/1KFwTv5, and from online booksellers, including Amazon, www.Barnesand Noble.com, and www.Smashwords.com. My second book, "Conquering Codependency and Shame: 8 Steps to Freeing your True Self" (https://amzn.to/37fueWd ) published by Hazelden Publishers, sheds new light on shame: how our feelings and beliefs about shame affect our identity, our behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. I provide eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships. I bring a wide range of professional and life experience to my practice as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT 27909). My work is informed by self-psychology, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychoanalytic psychotherapy, Voice-Dialogue, dream analysis, Jungian therapy, and hypnosis. Prior to becoming a psychotherapist, I practiced entertainment law. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases via links to Amazon.

11/11/2025

https://medium.com/narcissism-and-abusive-relationships/d987f4a22963?source=friends_link&sk=b238aaf16d4b0572a10c18c865e6bb7dr How to Be Assertive: http://bit.ly/29OAWWW

Don’t blame yourself for being unable to stand up to abuse. The difficulty has its seeds in childhood trauma. Learn why and how to heal.

11/10/2025

A template for aware relationships: https://buff.ly/Bop0C2Z Taking responsibility doesn't mean you must stay in an unsafe relationship. You can become less reactive (having stronger boundaries) and still choose to leave abuse: https://buff.ly/r6wWhCK

The shift from bonding over trauma to trauma-aware connection reflects a move from unconscious pattern repetition to intentional partnership.

11/09/2025

11/05/2025

Don't blame yourself for being unable to stand up to abuse. The difficulty has its seeds in childhood trauma. Learn why and how to heal. https://buff.ly/Cc310vm

Don't blame yourself for being unable to stand up to abuse. The difficulty has its seeds in childhood trauma. Learn why and how to heal.

11/04/2025

Excellent article on the dynamics of blame-shifting. The actor does not merely deny their part; you are the cause. Raise a boundary and you become controlling. Ask for reciprocity and you're selfish. Query facts and you become abusive. You're made to feel guilty for self-assertion, so you retreat. You take on their shame. This is their objective. https://buff.ly/0X09xIE Learn what to do: https://buff.ly/r6wWhCK

11/03/2025

"I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion we can ever know." ~ Bill W.

10/28/2025

I didn't used to believe this, but now believe that in most cases, codependency comes with early trauma. https://buff.ly/aLQsO2c Read more of my blogs on trauma.

You can make strides in overcoming codependency by learning new attitudes, skills, and behavior. Deeper recovery may involve healing trauma from childhood.

10/23/2025

https://buff.ly/jqKiOOe End your attraction to abusers for good! How to change you and your relationship: "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist - Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships" https://buff.ly/zmKjok2

When your heart leads the way, red flags can look like romance.

10/16/2025

Partner abuse isn’t about victim pathology but perpetrator strategy. Read the stages of charm, vulnerable connection, coercion and abuse, with extreme highs and lows, creating an addictive pattern https://www.cam.ac.uk/stories/domestic-abuse-trauma-bonds Find out what you can do: "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships" https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist/

New research outlines a tactical playbook deployed by male abusers to “weaponise love” based on in-depth interviews with UK victims.

Address

Santa Monica, CA
90402

Telephone

+13104580016

Website

http://www.whatiscodependency.com/

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