Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

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Santa Monica, CA
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist, Writer "Codependency for Dummies" (http://amzn.to/1BBcrWO) is available in bookstores and online.
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My new book, "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships,” is available as a PDF here: https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist
or paperback here: https://amzn.to/3M8DjoM, Ask your local store to order it for you. It's based on personal experience and over 30 years of helping people overcom

e addiction and codependency and improve their self-esteem, marriage and relationships. It contains self-assessments, an in-depth explanation of symptoms and relationship dynamics, and steps and exercises to recover. Readers quickly see changes and acquire skills to solve problems, better communicate, and manage emotions and boundaries. Because self-esteem and assertiveness are so important in recovery, I also wrote ebooks, "10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism" and "How to Speak your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits" + webinars on both topics. I published 5 more ebooks, including: "Dealing with a Narcissist," "I'm Not Perfect - I'm Only Human - How to Beat Perfectionism," "Codependency Daily Reflections" and "Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps. All ebooks may be downloaded from my website at http://bit.ly/1KFwTv5, and from online booksellers, including Amazon, www.Barnesand Noble.com, and www.Smashwords.com. My second book, "Conquering Codependency and Shame: 8 Steps to Freeing your True Self" (https://amzn.to/37fueWd ) published by Hazelden Publishers, sheds new light on shame: how our feelings and beliefs about shame affect our identity, our behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. I provide eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships. I bring a wide range of professional and life experience to my practice as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT 27909). My work is informed by self-psychology, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychoanalytic psychotherapy, Voice-Dialogue, dream analysis, Jungian therapy, and hypnosis. Prior to becoming a psychotherapist, I practiced entertainment law. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases via links to Amazon.

04/08/2026

04/05/2026

Control varies from mild to abusive to coercive control.

03/26/2026

Many of us learned to deny our feelings when it wasn't safe to share them as a child. We found ways not to feel with distraction, caring for others, or addiction to habits or drugs. Recovery includes learning to stay with our feelings.

03/22/2026

Look for my April blog on recognizing control, from mild to abusive to coercive, and what you can do. Sign up at buff.ly/ULQjaNi

03/02/2026

Love and s*xuality can become distorted growing up in a codependent household. Relational trauma quietly shapes children's self-image and their adult relationships. Read how it impacts desire, love, and s*x.

01/19/2026

Codependency results from more than a lack of love. In fact, many codependents were loved. It stems from trauma, shame, and missing internal structure.

01/19/2026

I'm taking a break from regular posting to focus on writing and living in real time, but I will post occasionally. To follow my reflections, you can find over 200 of my blogs on www.Darlenelancer.com and www.whatiscodependency.com, or explore my poetry book to glimpse my personal journey. Thanks for your continued years of support

01/11/2026

Codependents often have self-doubt or lack confidence. Sometimes it's due to shame originating in childhood, but other times, even with good self-esteem, they find it hard to make decisions or are easily swayed. Find out why. https://buff.ly/7VXWTy3

When we lose trust in a parent, it can have long-term consequences to our self-trust and relationships, even when our self-esteem is intact.

01/05/2026

When a parent can't be trusted, it affects our self-trust, confidence, and relationships. When it causes shame, our self-esteem is undermined. https://buff.ly/nolSwhg

Inability to trust a parent can have long-term consequences to our self-trust, confidence, and relationships, even if our self-esteem is intact.

12/27/2025

Learn to spot the difference between real victims and manipulators: https://buff.ly/mtB4Nnb Read how to set limits and cope with narcissists: https://buff.ly/6uVIMcu

Address

Santa Monica, CA
90402

Telephone

+13104580016

Website

http://www.whatiscodependency.com/

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