Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

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Santa Monica, CA
Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

Marriage and Family Therapist, Writer "Codependency for Dummies" (http://amzn.to/1BBcrWO) is available in bookstores and online.
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My new book, "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships,” is available as a PDF here: https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist
or paperback here: https://amzn.to/3M8DjoM, Ask your local store to order it for you. It's based on personal experience and over 30 years of helping people overcome addiction and codependency and improve their self-esteem, marriage and relationships. It contains self-assessments, an in-depth explanation of symptoms and relationship dynamics, and steps and exercises to recover. Readers quickly see changes and acquire skills to solve problems, better communicate, and manage emotions and boundaries. Because self-esteem and assertiveness are so important in recovery, I also wrote ebooks, "10 Steps to Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Guide to Stop Self-Criticism" and "How to Speak your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits" + webinars on both topics. I published 5 more ebooks, including: "Dealing with a Narcissist," "I'm Not Perfect - I'm Only Human - How to Beat Perfectionism," "Codependency Daily Reflections" and "Spiritual Transformation in the Twelve Steps. All ebooks may be downloaded from my website at http://bit.ly/1KFwTv5, and from online booksellers, including Amazon, www.Barnesand Noble.com, and www.Smashwords.com. My second book, "Conquering Codependency and Shame: 8 Steps to Freeing your True Self" (https://amzn.to/37fueWd ) published by Hazelden Publishers, sheds new light on shame: how our feelings and beliefs about shame affect our identity, our behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. I provide eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships. I bring a wide range of professional and life experience to my practice as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT 27909). My work is informed by self-psychology, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), psychoanalytic psychotherapy, Voice-Dialogue, dream analysis, Jungian therapy, and hypnosis. Prior to becoming a psychotherapist, I practiced entertainment law. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases via links to Amazon.

12/11/2025

Mothers are often blamed for raising narcissistic children but in many cases narcissism stems from the father's or even grandparent's genes. https://buff.ly/lpJaADx How to cope with a narcissistic partner or relative: Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships https://buff.ly/q4LxaFl

Parents will always want what's best for their kids, but in doing so, we must be careful. When parents create narcissistic children...

12/03/2025

Denial of feelings helped us survive trauma and shame, but it can also cause depression, anxiety, and ruin relationships. Learn to identify and accept your feelings helps you recover and empower you. See the list of over 200 feelings in “Codependency for Dummies” http://amzn.to/1BBcrWO

12/02/2025

The trauma of objectification is often ignored because we see ourselves as we were seen, and we behave in the role we were cast, stunting our ability to become a whole person. https://buff.ly/PtzFPO9

The trauma of objectification may be ignored because we see ourselves as we were seen and behave in the role we were cast, stunting our growth

11/30/2025

11/26/2025

When we have troubles, it can be hard to have gratitude, but research revealing its benefits is persuasive. Read how to have gratitude when you don't. https://buff.ly/W3JvQQq

11/25/2025

If dinners stress you, read some tips: https://buff.ly/07UkJF8 Imagine yourself in a different, detached role of a journalist. Notice signs of dysfunction: https://buff.ly/qY9zzRw Later journal about how they impacted you growing up.

Worried about family tension during Thanksgiving dinner? Read on to learn 12 tips to deal with family tension.

11/24/2025

Take a narcissism quiz for yourself or someone you know. https://www.psypost.org/narcissism-test-take-the-narcissistic-personality-inventory-npi-13/ How to deal with a narcissist or leave: "Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist: Essential Tools for Improving or Leaving Narcissistic and Abusive Relationships" https://whatiscodependency.com/dating-loving-and-leaving-a-narcissist/

Curious about your personality traits? Take the NPI-13 to explore where you fall on the spectrum of narcissism.

11/23/2025

More than a single event, we often suffer from complex from growing up in a dysfunctional family. It produces shame and usually requires trauma therapy to fully recover. Sign up to read my blogs on trauma www.whatiscodependency.com. Next one is on objectification.

11/22/2025

Insecure attachments are common for codependents. Often one partner wants more intimacy and the other needs more more distance. They mirror each other's unconscious needs. https://www.yourtango.com/love/always-chasing-pulling-away-shifts-change-everything. Learn more about the pattern: https://whatiscodependency.com/the-dance-of-intimacy/

You don't have to keep running after someone who keeps retreating.

11/19/2025

Codependents find intimate relationships difficult due to childhood trauma. We may lose ourselves with abusive partners, find unavailable ones, live physically apart, have a marriage defined by roles without intimacy, or stay single. It's a false choice based on beliefs formed in our past. Read: Do I Have to Lose Me to Love You: https://whatiscodependency.com/lost-self-codependent-relationships/

11/18/2025

It takes courage to be truthful with ourselves and again to be honest in our relationships. silences our voice and makes us believe speaking the truth risks our survival. http://bit.ly/29OAWWW

11/17/2025

Get webinar How to Be Assertive http://bit.ly/29OAWWW

Address

Santa Monica, CA
90402

Telephone

+13104580016

Website

http://www.whatiscodependency.com/

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