Ava Rose, LCSW

12/06/2025

Children often save their most intense emotions for their mothers because they see her as the ultimate “safe base” to release stress and be their unfiltered self, trusting her co-regulation (calming presence) to soothe their nervous system after holding it together elsewhere. Their nervous system literally attunes to the mother’s, and showing big emotions is a sign of deep trust, not defiance, indicating they feel secure enough to “fall apart”.

▶️Why this happens (The Science):
📑Safety & Trust: A child’s nervous system recognizes the mother (or primary caregiver) as the person they can fully trust to handle their big feelings without judgment or threat, allowing them to drop their guard.
📑Co-regulation: Mothers help calm a child’s distressed nervous system through mirroring (heartbeat, breath) and soothing. This teaches the child self-regulation.
📑Mirroring the Nervous System: A child’s internal state (heart rate, stress hormones) mirrors the parent’s. A mother’s calm presence is medicine; her anxiety can become the child’s “normal”.
📑The “Safe Field Effect”: When a child sees their mother, their brain gets a signal they’re safe to release pent-up emotions from school or other situations.

▶️What it looks like
📑“Saving the Worst for Last”: They might behave perfectly at school but have meltdowns at home because the tension has to go somewhere.
📑Not Misbehavior, but Release: The tantrum isn’t defiance; it’s the child letting go of stress in the one place they feel secure enough to do so.

▶️How to respond
📑Regulate Yourself First: Your calm is their medicine. Take deep breaths to signal safety.
📑Validate & Connect: Say, “You held a lot in today. It’s okay to let it out now”.
📑Offer Presence, Not Logic: Their logical brain is offline. Offer connection, gentle touch, and calm, not lectures.

Studies also show that when children don’t have this secure attachment to lean on, it negatively rewires the child’s brain.
Read more here: https://www.news-medical.net/news/20250612/Unpredictable-caregiving-rewires-the-braine28099s-threat-response.aspx

12/01/2025

10/24/2025

💜🫶🏽✨

10/12/2025

10/04/2025

Repair Template:

Step 1: Apologize, no excuses, no deflection, no blame shifting, just a sincere apology

Step 2: Do what you can to make things right. This includes stopping what your child said was hurtful. This can also include paying for therapy, etc.

Step 3: Sit with the discomfort. Just like any other relationship an apology may not result in a restored relationship. If you are apologizing with the only goal to have a restored relationship, you’re doing it wrong.

10/03/2025

Great explanation of dysregulation as a result of past developmental trauma.

(Note: my reposting isn’t an endorsement of the workshop advertised at the end. I’m just sharing the wisdom).

09/04/2025

Early on, if your body learned that playing a certain role such as the caretaker, peace-keeper, overachiever, invisible child, keeps the connection intact, this became about survival: your autonomic nervous system constantly scanning for cues of safety and threat (neuroception) and adapting by sacrificing authenticity for attachment.

But here’s the cost: when you keep rehearsing that role into adulthood, your nervous system continues to treat old patterns as current truth. Instead of evolving toward regulation and authentic expression, you remain trapped in the very dynamics that once protected you.

Stepping away from that role is not simply a matter of willpower. It requires the rewiring of neuroception, a renegotiation of safety. It means teaching the body that it no longer has to maintain connection by collapsing, appeasing, or self-erasing.

And yes, this shift may unsettle those who benefited from the old performance and will invite them to evolve. But healing requires breaking the loop: the invitation for your nervous system is to learn that safety can coexist with authenticity.

That is where post-traumatic growth begins.

Effie 🦋

09/03/2025

A groundbreaking study using brain scans has revealed a disturbing parallel: children exposed to intense family conflict show brain changes similar to those found in combat veterans. That’s right — the emotional warfare inside a home can mimic the neurological toll of literal battlefield trauma.

Researchers found that kids who witness chronic yelling, aggressive arguments, or domestic tension have altered brain activity in areas linked to fear, stress, and emotional regulation. These are the same brain regions often affected in soldiers returning from war zones.

The amygdala, a part of the brain responsible for processing threats and fear, becomes hypersensitive, constantly on alert. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, which helps manage emotions and make rational decisions, often becomes underdeveloped or impaired. This combination can lead to long-term emotional difficulties, anxiety, or even PTSD-like symptoms later in life.

What makes this even more alarming is that many families underestimate the impact of loud fights or emotional tension on children. But the science is clear: a child's brain is shaped by the emotional climate they grow up in.

This discovery highlights the urgent need for family therapy, safe environments, and emotional education to protect developing minds. Just because there are no visible bruises doesn’t mean the damage isn’t real.

07/21/2025