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Sober Life, Santa Rosa Beach, FL (2026)

01/30/2026

January 30
No Justified Resentments
Personal Inventory

One of the greatest hurdles in sobriety is the so-called justified resentment. We feel that we have a right to be angry at somebody who has hurt or offended us. This feeling might be correct if our anger could remedy the matter and bring it to a just conclusion, but this hardly ever happens. If we are angry, we usually want revenge more than we want justice. Uncontrolled anger will make us behave as unjustly as those who harmed us did. This means more trouble.

Whether revenge is sought or not, anger also poisons our own lives. Emmet Fox compared it to the insane practice of drinking prussic acid. People cannot take a drink of acid and then assign it to the person they detest. They will bear its effect in their own bodies. In the same way, our anger produces its own acids, which destroy our peace of mind and make us ineffective.

We can deal with “justified resentment” by reminding ourselves that there’s no justification for the pain and sickness a festering resentment will cause in our lives. There is no justified resentment.

Today I may have to swim against the tide by not getting upset over matters that enrage others. I will not let myself be drawn into the angry currents around me.

01/29/2026

January 29

Blame
"We cannot reach the level of spiritual growth that we are seeking by blaming sick people." BRB p. 158

The hard truth about alcoholism and family dysfunction is that there is no one to blame. It may feel as if our parents caused our suffering, but we forget that dysfunction is inherited. They were simply working with what they were given. They may not have willingly set out to harm us; they were reacting to their own sickness and in turn passed down the disease of dysfunction.

As children, we experienced unfair treatment and wished our parents would get help. However, we had no control over their actions.

But today we have control over whether we hang on to blaming people who could not help themselves at the time. When we let go of accusing sick people, we can focus on ourselves and what can be done in the here and now to help ourselves heal. We loosen the ties that keep us bound to circumstances that couldn't have turned out differently, thereby creating the possibility of limitless growth within us.

On this day I will do all that I am capable of to help stop the generational dysfunction in my family. In doing so, I will let go of any blame that is keeping me from experiencing greater levels of recovery.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

01/28/2026

January 28

I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.
–Billie Jean King

Champions are made. How lucky we are to have the Steps to guide us to become champions. The program promises us self-awareness, but we have to put forth the effort. And the process isn’t always easy. We have liabilities, all of us, and it’s generally easier to see them than our assets. Self-awareness is recognizing both. To become a champion, whether as an athlete, a homemaker, a teacher, a secretary, or an attorney, is to maximize the assets and minimize the liabilities, but to accept the existence of both. The program that we share offers us daily opportunities to know ourselves, to help other women know themselves, and to strengthen our assets along the way. We can feel our assets growing, and it feels good. We can see our liabilities diminish, and it feels good. The program offers us a championship.

I can strengthen my assets, first by knowing them, and then by emphasizing them repeatedly. I’ll focus on one today.

01/27/2026

January 27

Overly Responsible
"Before finding recovery, we suppressed our feelings and were overly responsible. We tried to anticipate the needs of others and meet those needs so we would not be abandoned." BRB p. 94

Many of us have focused all our efforts on spouses, significant others, or children, trying to do everything possible to make them comfortable and happy. We may have spent so much time with our children and their friends that we were uncomfortably intrusive. Because we feared abandonment, we may have sacrificed ourselves in an attempt to keep our spouses from becoming bored with us.

These actions kept us from admitting, "I'm tired. I'm not interested. I don't have time." Eventually, we began to resent them. We deserved to do things we wanted to do, and our family members needed space to breathe, to make their own decisions, to make mistakes and learn from them.

With ACA recovery, we finally get the message that it's okay to let loved ones do their own thing. It's okay to let them find happiness through their own actions. Not being constantly involved in their lives does not mean they will abandon us. In fact, it can strengthen our relationships when we all feel the relief of being responsible for ourselves.

On this day I will remember that I do not need to micromanage the lives of those close to me. They will not abandon me simply because I let them live their own lives.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

01/26/2026

January 26
Off The Hook

We can learn not to get hooked into unhealthy, self-defeating behaviors in relationships – behaviors such as caretaking, controlling, discounting ourselves, and believing lies.

We can learn to watch for and identify hooks, and choose not to allow ourselves to be hooked.

Often, people do things consciously or without thinking that pulls us into a series of our self-defeating behaviors we call codependency. More often than not, these hooks can be almost deliberate, and the results predictable.

Someone may stand before us and hint or sigh about a problem, knowing or hoping that hint or sigh will hook us into taking care of him or her. That is manipulation.

When people stand around us and hint and sigh about something, then coyly say, “Oh, never mind, that’s not for you to worry about,” that’s a game. We need to recognize it. We’re about to get sucked in, if we allow that to happen.

We can learn to insist that people ask us directly for what they want and need.

What are the words, the signs, the looks, the hints, and the cues that hook us into a predictable and often self-defeating behavior?

What makes you feel sympathy? Guilt? Responsible for another?

Our strong point is that we care so much. Our weak point is that we often underestimate the people with whom we’re dealing. They know what they’re doing. It is time we give up our naive assumption that people don’t follow agendas of their own in their best interest, and not necessarily in ours.

We also want to check ourselves out. Do we give out hooks, looks, hints, hoping to hook another? We need to insist that we behave in a direct and honest manner with others, instead of expecting them to rescue us.

If someone wants something from us, insist that the person ask us directly for it. Require the same from us. If someone baits the hook, we don’t have to bite it.

Today, I will be aware of the hooks that snag me into the caretaking acts that leave me feeling victimized. I will ignore the hints, looks, and words that hook me, and wait for the directness and honesty others, and I deserve.

01/25/2026

January 25
Finding a Higher Good
Handling Trouble.

There are times when things just don’t work out, despite our best efforts. Even in sobriety, we can have business or marriage failures, accidents, sicknesses, or trouble in holding a job. Sobriety is no guarantee that things will always work out according to our expectancies.

But no disappointment or failure has to throw us or cause permanent distress. It is some comfort to remember that the meeting of the first two AA members came out of a business failure, not a success. On many occasions, a disappointment or a setback can actually give a person the insight and understanding needed for a new, more successful effort.

We do not, of course, want to rationalize failure. We should also accept responsibility when failure has been the result of negligence or wrong action on our part. Nevertheless, as we continue to seek and to follow God’s guidance, w will find the course of our lives that fits our needs and capabilities. There is a higher good in everything. Even our drinking was indirectly beneficial in pushing us toward AA and the program’s healing principles.

I will not waste time today brooding over mistakes or losses. I’ll know that God is in charge of my life and can turn liabilities into assets and defeats into victories.

01/24/2026

January 24

Actor vs. Reactor
"This book will…truly move you from a place of reactor to actor in life. As said in many Twelve Step programs, ‘It works if you work it.'" BRB p. xix

As children, most of us learned to be reactive as a survival mechanism. If we didn't "jump to it" without questioning, we were usually punished. We learned to be defensive, often having to explain even the smallest of our actions. We reacted out of fear and did what was necessary to avoid getting into trouble.

As adults, this conditioning may have an upside - maybe we're the ones who react quickly to a crisis and save the day. But we also might be the ones who react quickly to answer someone's intrusive question, later realizing it wasn't their business. Then we berate ourselves for being so "stupid." Or maybe we're the ones who blurt out something inappropriate because something triggered us.

ACA's Big Red Book was written to help us uncover and understand the roots of our dysfunctions. We learn that we carry around a critical inner parent that causes us to react in ways we are no longer comfortable with. As we work the program to silence that critical voice, we feel calmer. We learn to stop, question and decide what our role is and should be, rather than jump to conclusions. Gradually, we become the actors who think for ourselves…and the critical voice fades.

On this day I will take time to read from the Big Red Book to help me further silence the critical voice that may still cause me to be reactive.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

01/23/2026

January 23
Thinking well of ourselves
Raising self-esteem

Although there may have been conceit and cockiness in our past behavior, most of us suffered from feelings of low self-esteem. We often felt alone and unworthy. Often, we had memories of parents and others who reminded us of our shortcomings or compared us unfavorably with others.

Whatever our past problems, we can raise our self-esteem in the present. We can begin by forgiving ourselves and others for past wrongs and mistakes. We must become willing to give up any belief or practice that causes us to dislike ourselves. We can remember that our self-esteem does not depend on achievements or on winning in competitions with others. Despite our failings, now and in the past, we are worthy in the sight of God and are entitled to God’s grace.

Growth in the program usually brings growth in self-esteem. If we think well of ourselves, in the right sense, others will tend to think well of us, too. With proper self-esteem, we will not be crushed or dismayed when someone seems to dislike us. Our feelings about ourselves will be much more than a mirror of others’ opinions.

I will think well of myself today, I will not put myself down, even jokingly. I will know that if God is for me, no one can be against me.

01/22/2026

January 22
No Humiliation in Humility
Self-understanding.

With few exceptions, every alcoholic eventually meets humiliation and defeat. This is especially painful in a world that places high value on winning and on having the approval and admiration of others. We feel diminished by these defeats. Nobody likes to be humbled, to be made to appear less than other people.

Yet these humiliations serve a constructive purpose if they lead us to seek humility. Truly humble people cannot really be humiliated, because they no longer rely on the false supports of worldly praise and approval. We develop humility as we withdraw from a reliance on our own powers and personality and realize that we ourselves can do nothing; it is our Higher Power who does the work.

Still, there is a paradox in humility. The person who admits he or she can do nothing will, in the process, tap into powers that were never available in the previous state of mind. In truth, humility is never humiliation or weakness, though these may lead to it. Humility is really a road to the power that only God can give us.

I’ll watch myself today for the crazy things that set me up for humiliation. I won’t try to impress others or win their admiration today.

01/21/2026

January 21
Giving Wisely is Safe
Helping others.

Most of us admit that we were selfish people when we drank. Even when we brought drinks for others, we did so either to seek their approval or in the expectancy that they would return the favor.

Our need in sobriety is to become unselfish by giving freely and cheerfully of ourselves. This, too, has its pitfalls. Feeling guilty about past selfishness, we may go overboard in helping others do things that they need to do for themselves. This can only lead to failure and disillusionment. It is common to hear AA members complain about people who are not in recovery despite help extended to them in finding a job, a place to live, and other necessities.

But in giving, it is not always right tolook for a “quid pro quo” … something in return … or even for the others person’s recovery and well-being. It’s best to let the giving itself be its own reward. If we feel good about what we have done, we probably are doing the right things. Later on, when additional and unexpected rewards come to us, we can accept them as bonuses.

I can make progress in overcoming selfishness and self-centeredness if I give selflessly to others and take an honest interest in their problems.

01/20/2026

January 20
First things first
Order

Busy people often declare, with some exasperation, that they cannot do everything at once. People with emotional problems, a group that includes many alcoholics, often feel that they are trying to do everything at once. Quite often, this pressure means that we waste our time fretting about all the things facing us, becoming totally ineffective as a result.

The simple slogan “First things First” shows us how to set priorities in an orderly way. In every situation or problem, there is always one step we can take that is more important than the others. Following that, we find a step of second importance, another of third importance, and so on. Sometimes, a certain action comes first simply because other things depend on it.

By using “First things first” as a guiding principle in our lives, we can live in an orderly, disciplined manner. If we have to reduce our activities, we can decide which few ought to retain. Having made these decisions, we can be at peace about our choices. We cannot do everything at once and we need not feel guilty about it.

Knowing that order is Heaven’s first law, I’ll do things today in an orderly manner.

01/19/2026

January 19

Re-Creation
"Yet, our children and relationships were still mired in our dysfunction. We recreated the abandonment and loss of our own childhood." BRB p. 21

Many of us tried to raise our families differently. But without ACA or another type of intervention, we were like our parents - we could only give what we had. This meant we made a lot of wrong choices. We may even have become alienated from our children, finding that they resented us, just as we resented our parents.

ACA presents us with a choice: stay and get better in a way that might someday repair our relationships, or feel hopeless and continue to fill ourselves with self-blame and shame.

If we choose ACA, we must let go of the fact that we didn't find help earlier, when it could have prevented so much pain. We accept that change takes time, so we "get our heads on straight" and concentrate on taking care of ourselves. As we're ready, we learn to be present in a healthy way for our children. If we're separated from them, we hope they come back to us, but if they don't, we continue to love them and pray they find their way.

On this day I will take care of myself first. Only then will I be available to my family if they ask for emotional support.

Sober Life

01/30/2026

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