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02/21/2026

February 21

Solution – Gentleness
"We learn to reparent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love, and respect." BRB p. 590

How do we reparent ourselves with gentleness if roughness or even cruelty was a staple of our childhoods? As we grew, we may not have felt capable of kindness toward ourselves because our critical inner parent was always in our heads saying things like "You fool! Your life's a mess! And you're to blame!"

But we knew we wanted to treat ourselves better; we wanted desperately to have an inner voice shift to something kinder, like "Have a cup of tea with me and tell me what's wrong."

In ACA we learn that if we can catch our critical inner parent at work, we can shift gears and try to do the opposite. When we feel criticized, we can hit the "Whoa!" button and stop ourselves from joining in the frenzy. We can tell ourselves "I can't do better than my best, so I will simply do my best right now." We can even teach ourselves techniques that help calm us down in these situations, like changing our visual image of another person from someone who is menacing to perhaps a kindly cartoon character. Something this simple can help us get through the critical patches.

On this day I will treat my Inner Child and myself to twenty minutes alone over a fresh cup of tea or a glass of juice so we can just listen to each other.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

02/20/2026

February 20
A day of Acceptance
Releasing the Past

“We will not regret the past nor fear the future,” goes one of the promises in Twelve Step programs. Neither the past nor the future should control what we’re thinking and doing today. After all, if our higher power is everything, no person or action can be outside of this supreme control.

Today, I will rise above anything that was said or done in the past. I will also hold the idea that the future is bright with promise, and that this promise will be fulfilled. Nobody’s opinion or criticism can be unsettling to me if my beliefs and self-worth are anchored in my Higher Power.

It’s true that there might have been lots of wreckage in the past…. Even more recently when we have been living sober. It doesn’t matter. I amazing ways, our higher power sometimes turns negative conditions into future benefits. This was actually what happened when our compulsive condition led directly to a new way of life.

I will accept life today and will look for unexpected blessings. No person or group can keep me from good as I accept God’s direction in my life.

“In all your ways acknowledge [God who] shall direct your paths.” I’ll remember this frequently as I go about the day.

02/19/2026

February 19

Reservations
Page 51

"Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program."

Basic Text, p. 79

A reservation is something we set aside for future use. In our case, a reservation is the expectation that, if such-and-such happens, we will surely relapse. What event do we expect will be too painful to bear? Maybe we think that if a spouse or lover leaves us, we will have to get high. If we lose our job, surely, we think, we will use. Or maybe it's the death of a loved one that we expect to be unbearable. In any case, the reservations we harbor give us permission to use when they come true-as they often do.

We can prepare ourselves for success instead of relapse by examining our expectations and altering them where we can. Most of us carry within us a catalog of anticipated misery closely related to our fears. We can learn how to survive pain by watching other members live through similar pain. We can apply their lessons to our own expectations. Instead of telling ourselves we will have to get high if this happens, we can quietly reassure ourselves that we, too, can stay clean through whatever life brings us today.

Just for Today: I will check for any reservations that may endanger my recovery and share them with another addict.

02/18/2026

February 18

To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts. It makes it easier to stoop the next time.
–Katharine Hepburn

Behaving the way we believe God wants us to behave sounds so easy on the surface. We don’t willingly hurt others, do we? Or do we? When did we last secretly burn with jealousy over another’s good fortune or good looks? Has there been a time, recently, when we sulked for lack of attention … or perhaps picked a fight?

We can simplify life from this moment forth. There is only one path to walk, one decision to make, in every instance, and all our burdens will be lifted, all our anxiety released. We can decide to act in good faith. We can be silent a moment with ourselves and let our inner guide direct our behavior, our words, our thoughts.

Each of us knows, when we dare to let our spiritual nature reign, the right act in every case. Letting God choose our acts will ease our lives. No more obsessive confusion. No more regrets. No more immobility due to fear of wrong moves.

Freedom is guaranteed when I depend on God to direct my behavior. Life’s burdens are lifted. I will go forth today, doing God’s will, and my Spirit will be light.

02/17/2026

February 17

Family Roles
"We are making a statement that we will no longer be loyal to denial and dysfunctional family roles." BRB p. 123

We each grew up playing a role in our families: hero, scapegoat, mascot, or lost child.* Our role may have been related to birth order, or perhaps to how we innately reacted to our situation. If we had several siblings, we probably shared these roles; if we were from a small family or were an only child, we may have had to play multiple roles.

Each role carried certain expectations. Even if the role appeared positive to the outside world, like the hero, it likely turned into a negative as we attempted to wear it while navigating through our adult years.

ACA helps us learn how to shed these shackling roles. We begin to set limits. We act in healthier, "unexpected" ways around our dysfunctional family of origin. We choose to no longer react to events that once set us emotionally spinning out of control. The process is not easy and may take time, yet through it all we learn to live life on our own terms. When we're successful, we release fear, chaos, control and rigidity from our lives. We find new freedom, which is an amazing reward.

On this day I release the role assigned to me in childhood. I embrace my new role, "Recovering Adult Child."

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

02/16/2026

February 16
Mental Arguments are bad Thinking
Serenity

Again and again we hear that bad thinking and drinking are linked together. Bad thinking is any line of thought that tends to be destructive. Mental arguments are in that class because they destroy peace of mind and self-control. We can avoid them by learning acceptance and maintaining serenity at all costs.

Sometimes we engage in mental arguments with those who seem to have defeated us or put us down. This only gives more life to the hurt we have been feeling: in effect, we cooperate in hurting ourselves repeatedly. Even the satisfaction of letting ourselves “win” the mental argument doesn’t really settle the matter.

We can maintain our serenity in all situations by accepting people as they are. We are not responsible for changing their opinions. We must also accept and dismiss past mistakes and failures, no matter who was at fault. We owe it to ourselves not to destroy another moment’s happiness with futile mental arguments that serve no good purpose in our lives.

Once we dismiss mental arguments, we can give our time and attention to things that really matter.

I will not waste a single second on any kid of mental argument. Anything another person said or did is forgiven and forgotten, and it has no power to hurt me a second time.

02/15/2026

February 15

Fortuitous circumstances constitute the moulds that shape the majority of human lives.
–Augusta Evans

Being in the right place at the right time is how we generally explain our good fortune or the good fortune of a friend. But it’s to our advantage to understand how we managed to be in the right place at just the right moment.

We have probably heard many times at meetings that God’s timetable is not necessarily the same as our timetable. That events will happen as scheduled to fit a picture bigger than the picture encompassed by our egos. And frequently our patience wears thin because we aren’t privy to God’s timetable. But we can trust, today and always, that doors open on time. Opportunities are offered when we are ready for them. Nary a moment passes that doesn’t invite us to both give and receive a special message–a particular lesson. We are always in God’s care, and every circumstance of our lives is helping to mold the women we are meant to be.

I will take a long look at where I am today and be grateful for my place. It’s right for me, now, and is preparing me for the adventure ahead.

02/14/2026

Happy Valentine’s Day❣️

February 14

Good Enough
"ACA recovery is challenging, but the rewards are immense. We must put forth effort and feel the uncomfortable feelings that might come. At the same time, the goal is self-love and knowing that we are good enough just the way we are. This is an ACA paradox." BRB p. 438

For years, our critical inner parent continued to remind us that we were not good enough. It was a replay of what we were taught about ourselves as children. We didn't realize it, but that critical part of us was also saying we would never have enough to satisfy our needy Inner Child. At some point we may have asked ourselves, "What is enough?"

With the help of the ACA program, we began to see that we were making inroads into the healing process that would quiet our critical inner parent. In doing so, we knew we could begin to meet our Inner Child's needs.

As life continues to move forward, bit by bit, we let go of the "enough" of our childhood and learn to accept who we are - that we have so very much to offer. We recognize that our Higher Power helps us fulfill our needs, and occasionally our wants.

On this day I remember that I am and have always been more than good enough.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

02/13/2026

February 13

Promise Five
"As we face our abandonment issues, we will be attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses." BRB p. 591

In our program, we need a lot of courage to face a great many things. Facing how we were abandoned requires us to summon all the courage we can muster. As we "keep coming back," memories and feelings float up from our subconscious to the mind's eye, and we acknowledge the losses we buried.

As children, many of us wanted or needed to idealize our caregivers. In ACA, we take off the rose-colored glasses and see them as flawed human beings who were unable to be there for us emotionally, physically, psychologically, or spiritually. Facing this abandonment means looking at it honestly with the help of our Higher Power, our inner loving parent, and our Inner Child. This is how we begin to reparent ourselves so that we can become whole.

On this day I continue to seek the courage to face my abandonment issues, resolving to take the steps to make myself whole, so I can bond with others from this consciousness centered space.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

02/12/2026

February 12

Adult Child Defined
"An adult child is someone whose actions and decisions as an adult are guided by childhood experiences grounded in self-doubt or fear." BRB p. 302

Before finding ACA, we didn't have the opportunity to learn any other way to live except from the standpoint of the dysfunction with which we were raised. As children, most of us quickly figured out what we needed to think, say, and do in order to avoid the most pain. We survived the best way we could, relying on only ourselves to get by.

As adults, often our automatic reactions to situations involve extensions of the behaviors we learned as children. We are adults by appearance, but have yet to mature past our childhood reactions. We are haunted by unresolved trauma that easily wreaks havoc in our lives. It is not our fault that we didn't come away with better life skills; we could not have turned out any differently. With the help of the Twelve Steps, we now have a Solution to our Problem. Through ACA, we have the love and support we need to grow through our childhood pain into the confident and secure adults we were meant to be.

On this day I release all negative self-judgment of my identity as an adult child. I am filled with the hope that the promises of ACA offer me.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

02/11/2026

February 11

Affection
"Our false self constantly seeks outward affection, recognition or praise, but we secretly believe we don't deserve it." BRB p. 7

Many of us spent ‘forever' trying to portray an image of having it all together, seeking approval by acting or dressing a certain way. We looked to those who seemed more confident to tell us how to think and feel. By doing so, we learned not to trust our own intuition. We were completely at the mercy of others. We were disconnected from our physical and emotional selves.

When we finally received some recognition, perhaps on the job after working nearly around-the-clock, our sense of satisfaction was short-lived. Deep down we "knew" we didn't deserve that recognition because our inner critical voice was saying, "If they saw the real me, this wouldn't be happening."

But as life changes in recovery, we now look for our self-esteem within ourselves and in our relationship with our Higher Power, not other people. We let the peace of the ACA program grow inside of us, one day at a time, through rigorous honesty, striving to know and understand our Inner Child. We stop people-pleasing because it deeply damages us. We have finally become the center of our own lives with an inner loving parent who won't abandon us.

On this day I put myself first and let others think what they will. I am enough just where I stand right now.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

02/10/2026

February 10

Dreams
"We thought we had forgotten these dreams, but our Inner Child remembers." BRB p. 430

As children we had an innocent wish to be heard, held, and protected. But in most of our homes, that didn't happen. When we spoke, it was usually the beginning of trouble. When we tried to cuddle or show affection, we were ignored, laughed at, or flirted with. Most of the time we were alone. The idea of being protected was nonexistent.

We grew up in a world where the norm was "anything goes, anytime." It was almost impossible to keep up with what was going on, but we did our best. We fantasized about having a different family where we could be ourselves and it would be okay. We wished for a place overflowing with love, a safe place where voices were soft and sweet, and where everyone just talked, laughed, and played together. It is so sad that we didn't get that. We deserved a bright and happy childhood, didn't we?

Our Inner Child is still waiting for this dream to be made real. This desire is still as strong as it was long ago. Who is going to be the person to bring this dream to this child?

In the ACA program we find that dreams can come true. Here, we are able to begin again, one day at a time. We can give our Inner Child all that we weren't given. Recovering dreams is what this program is all about.

On this day I know that I deserve my dreams. I am willing to work to make them come true with the help of ACA.

Copyright © 2013 by Adult Children of Alcoholics® & Dysfunctional Families

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