Kavita Ramani, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

08/11/2025

We don’t just “grow out” of childhood patterns.
We carry them—quietly—into every adult relationship, often without realizing it.

For most, this is NOT because our primary caregivers were villains. They were likely, often unconsciously, carrying on the patterns of previous generations.

Some of us protect ourselves by becoming Islands (Avoidant Attachment).
Others protect themselves by becoming Waves (Anxious Attachment).
Neither is wrong. Both are survival strategies our nervous systems built when love felt unsafe.

The problem?
What once kept us safe in childhood can keep us from the intimacy we long for now.

The good news:
Attachment wounds are not life sentences.
With awareness, compassion, and support, you can shift toward secure, balanced love.

💬 Which one feels more familiar to you—Island or Wave?
Comment below, save this for later, or send it to someone who needs to hear it.

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References:
Tatkin, S. (2010). Wired for Love
Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment
Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice

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07/15/2024

08/28/2023

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ The BEST way to end a long weekend of learning (PACT Level 2!!!) and seeing clients. 🥰🥰🥰

08/13/2023

Philosopher John Macmurray explains one of the dilemmas of life:

"In imagination we feel sure that it would be lovely to live with a full and rich awareness of the world. But in practice sensitiveness hurts. It is not possible to develop the capacity to see beauty without developing also the capacity to see ugliness, for they are the same capacity. The capacity for joy is also the capacity for pain. We soon find that any increase in our sensitiveness to what is lovely in the world increases also our capacity for being hurt. That is the dilemma in which life has placed us. We must choose between a life that is thin and narrow, uncreative and mechanical, with the assurance that even if it is not very exciting it will not be intolerably painful; and a life in which the increase in its fullness and creativeness brings a vast increase in delight, but also in pain and hurt."

Source: Reason and Emotion

07/25/2023

06/21/2023

No matter where you stand on marriage or commitment, your relationships and their quality will greatly influence (if not determine) your health and happiness in life.

That’s because you need other people for a whole lot of important things, only one of which is companionship. Adult human beings require at least one other adult human being to help with self-esteem, self-knowledge, self-discovery, and self-improvement.

You need another person for silly things, such as letting you know if you have spinach in your teeth, and more significant things, such as helping you understand what you don’t know (and there are tons of things you don’t know).

02/21/2023

Much of our wounding occurs prior to the acquisition of language and is not able to be healed through the questioning and reorganization of patterns of thinking. In other words, we can’t think our way out of trauma, attachment, and narcissistic injury.

When our capacity to process unbearable terror, panic, and shame is overwhelmed, unmetabolized pieces of soul are held subcortically and in our cellular circuitry, unreachable by thinking which is a layer removed from the fires of the alchemical body.

Encouragement to “just get over it, it’s just your ego, just let it be, it isn’t who you really are” is experienced by an inflamed nervous system as the activity of empathic failure, aggression, and psychic violence.

It’s like a neural form of gaslighting and reflects a deep misunderstanding of relational wounding and implicit memory, and only contributes to the intergenerational transmission of trauma.

In addition to shattering and unendurable experience – which is painful and terrifying enough – there is a profound sense of aloneness that goes with this, the disorganizing reality of the missing Friend, and no accompaniment into the dark night. “I am alone in this.”

This is devastating to the soul.

When the lost orphans of psyche and soma come surging to be held, they’re not all that interested in our crystal-clear analysis, detached witnessing and fantasies of “mastery,” or powerful spiritual insights.

They’re longing for something else… for you, for your heart, for your holding. To know that you will stay near, that you will not abandon or shame them, that you will do your best to provide sanctuary and safe passage for them to come Home, to be helped out of that frozen, crystallized state and to live once again.

Photo by Lisa Runnels

01/30/2023

Allowance. 🌊

12/23/2022

Want to be more likeable and well-respected? Public speaking expert John Bowe shares five passive-aggressive phrases to avoid—and what to say instead.

12/02/2022

Thank you, Lauren Ronan Group, for working so hard for all of your clients.

****IT’S HOLIDAY RAFFLE GIVEAWAY TIME!!! ****
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One of my favorite times of the year, one lucky person will win this basket with…..

$100 Amazon
$100 Target
$100 Home Depot
$100 Visa
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$50 Christmas Decor

A little bit of local and a little bit of holiday shopping for you! Here’s how to win….

Step 1: Like and share this post to your story/ business page ✅

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There will be some surprises we have coming up in the next few weeks that increases your entries so stay tuned and let’s stay merry 🥰

The Lauren Ronan Group- Coldwell Banker Realty
Dre #02029128
4087633803

08/12/2022

🤣😲🥹😳😡😅😰🥳🥰🫣😂😢

02/27/2022