02/17/2026
I remember the exact spot on the sofa where I was sitting when a sentence in a book finally made me understand why my stomach clenches every time I hear a certain tone of voice, or why, for years, I felt like a guest in my own body. It was as if someone had reached through the pages, placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, and whispered, “You’re not broken. You’re not crazy. You’re just stuck.” That book was Bessel van der Kolk’s masterpiece, The Body Keeps the Score.
This isn't just a book about trauma; it’s a book about us. It’s a guide to understanding why we are the way we are, why we sometimes react to the present as if it were the past, and most importantly, how we can find our way back to feeling safe and whole. Reading it feels less like studying a medical textbook and more like having a wise, compassionate, and profoundly hopeful conversation. It validates experiences you may have never been able to put into words and, in doing so, it begins the process of healing.
Here are five life-changing lessons I took away from this incredible book:
1. The Past is Not Past. It’s Living in Your Body.
This is the core message, and it’s both unsettling and liberating. Van der Kolk explains that trauma isn’t just a story you remember; it’s a physical reality stored in your body. Your brain’s alarm system gets stuck in the "on" position, leading to chronic stress, unexplained physical pain, and emotional reactions that seem to come out of nowhere. Understanding that these reactions aren’t a character flaw, but a physiological response, was like a balm for my soul.
2. You Can’t Just "Think" Your Way Out of a Body-Based Problem.
One of the most powerful lessons is that talk therapy alone has its limits. You can’t reason with a hypervigilant nervous system. Van der Kolk beautifully illustrates that we need to engage the body in the healing process. This is why he explores therapies like yoga, EMDR, and neurofeedback. It’s about helping the body feel safe in the present, not just telling the mind that it should be.
3. Connection is the Antidote to Isolation.
Trauma, at its core, is an experience of profound disconnection—from yourself, from your body, and from others. The book passionately argues that we heal in relationships. Feeling truly seen, heard, and understood by another person—whether a therapist, a partner, or a trusted friend—can rewire the brain’s capacity for trust and intimacy. We are wired for connection, and that wiring can be restored.
4. We All Have an Internal "Map" That Can Be Redrawn.
Van der Kolk explains how trauma can shatter our internal map of the world, making it seem like a permanently dangerous place. But the book is filled with hope, showing that our brains are not fixed. Through neuroplasticity, we can create new pathways, new responses, and a new, more accurate map of the world—one where we can find safety, joy, and peace. The brain can learn to distinguish the echoes of the past from the reality of the present.
5. The Path to Healing is Unique and Beautifully Human.
Perhaps the most heart-warming aspect of the book is its reverence for the individual. There is no one-size-fits-all prescription. Healing might look like learning to breathe deeply, moving your body in a yoga class, finding the right rhythm in therapy, or simply allowing yourself to finally feel the emotions you’ve been holding at bay for years. The book honors the resilience of the human spirit and reminds us that the goal isn't to erase the past, but to live fully in the present.
The Body Keeps the Score didn't just give me information; it gave me a roadmap home to myself. It’s a book that will hold your hand, break your heart with its honesty, and then fill it back up with hope. If you’ve ever felt like your own history is a mystery to you, please read this book. It might just help you find your way back to you.
