Secure Connections Coaching For Couples

Secure Connections Coaching For Couples I am Carolyn Sharp and I help busy, disconnected go from blah to bliss! Message me to learn more!

I describe myself as the Roy Kent of couples work because of my humor, directness and passion for what I do. Carolyn Sharp has over 25 years experience building healthy passionate relationships. She developed Secure Connections Coaching from her training and work with Stan Tatkin, founder of the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT). This approach views a couple’s dynamic through the lens of neurobiology, attachment theory, and arousal regulation to support couples in developing healthy and secure relationships. Based on Stan’s seminal work, Wired For Love, the coaching and retreats provide incredible opportunities for committed couples at all stages to create or deepen a successful foundation for a secure relationship. Through shared learning, facilitated exercises and private time together in the beautiful settings, couples will gain insight into one another and their patterns of interaction, and learn how to interpret and respond to one another in ways that lead deeper connection and intimacy.

11/28/2025

Authenticity isn't soft. It's courageous.

In a world obsessed with performance and proving ourselves, authenticity asks us to get uncomfortably honest: Where am I performing instead of being real? What am I hiding? Am I saying yes when I mean no?

These questions are where exhaustion lives: in the gap between who we are and who we think we're supposed to be.

I just published a new blog post on authenticity, gratitude, and what really matters. It's my anti-Black Friday love note: a reflection on real connection instead of performance.

Read the full post at the link in my bio.

11/28/2025

Before you create a giant list of New Year’s resolutions… pause.

Ask yourself:
“Where am I being authentic — and where am I performing?”

Authenticity doesn’t mean you never compromise.

It means you know what’s true for you, and you’re willing to honor it.

In my own life, I’ve noticed that when I:
❌ Do things just for money
❌ Do things to prove I’m “enough”
❌ Do things to get something back

…I lose my way. I burn out. I feel disconnected from myself and from the people I love.

When I come back to my real purpose — helping people build secure, joyful, honest relationships — everything feels different.

As we close out the year, here are some gentle questions to ask yourself:
✨ In work: Does this still feel aligned with who I’m becoming?
✨ In love: Am I showing my real self, or just the “acceptable” version?
✨ In friendships: Do I feel seen and supported, or drained and invisible?
✨ In my body: Am I listening to my needs, or pushing past them?

You don’t have to have perfect answers.
Just start by telling the truth to yourself. That’s where real change begins.

If you want 2026 to feel more authentic — especially in your relationship — I’d love to support you.

A client told me recently that they chose to work with me because I felt authentic. Not perfect. Not polished. Just real...
11/27/2025

A client told me recently that they chose to work with me because I felt authentic. Not perfect. Not polished. Just real.

On a day like Thanksgiving, authenticity can feel… complicated.

Being authentic today might look like:
✨ Really enjoying the food instead of silently judging yourself for every bite
✨ Sneaking in 10 minutes of alone time between relatives so your nervous system can breathe
✨ Asking your partner for backup with overly touchy Aunt Susie
✨ Deciding you are not available for racist comments from Uncle Steve and saying so clearly
✨ Honoring the holiday in a way that feels right to you
✨ Or quietly not honoring it at all, because that is what your history and your values need

There is no one “right” way to do this day.

So I invite you to ask yourself:
What do I need today?
Where do I feel myself performing?
How can I create even a little more space to be authentic with myself and the people I love?

However you are spending today, I am grateful for this community and for all I learn from you every single day. 💛

Perfection and performance are such sneaky traps in relationships.We try to say the right thing. Look like we have it al...
11/26/2025

Perfection and performance are such sneaky traps in relationships.

We try to say the right thing.

Look like we have it all together.

Hide the parts we are afraid will be “too much” or “not enough.”

It can look functional on the outside.

But inside, it is lonely.
Being authentic in our relationship frees us from those traps and creates intimacy, depth, and REAL connection.

Authenticity in partnership sounds like:
✨ “I am scared to tell you this, but it matters.”
✨ “I don’t want to keep pretending I’m fine when I’m not.”
✨ “I want us to feel closer, not just look okay.”

It is not about dumping everything on your partner with no care.

It is about letting who you really are matter more than how perfect you look together.

As we head toward the end of the year, you might ask:
Where am I performing in my relationship?
Where am I hiding?
What would one tiny step toward more honesty look like?

You don’t have to do it all at once.

Start with one real conversation.

If you want support learning how to have those conversations without blowing everything up, that is the work I do every day. 💛


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We talk a lot about being authentic, but we don’t talk enough about what it actually takes to show up as yourself.Authen...
11/25/2025

We talk a lot about being authentic, but we don’t talk enough about what it actually takes to show up as yourself.

Authenticity is not just a mindset. It is a system of support around you.

From what I see in my clients and in myself, you need at least three things:
Safety
Confidence
Support

Without safety, you are just bracing.
Without confidence, you are constantly second guessing.
Without support, you feel like you are walking a tightrope alone.

As we wrap up the year, try asking yourself:
✨ Am I building safety, confidence, and support into my relationships?
✨ Am I investing these things in myself?
✨ Do I know where to begin, or have I lost my way a little?

We all lose our way, somewhere.
What matters is noticing when you have drifted into proving, performing, or people pleasing, and gently turning back toward what is true for you.

Which of the three do you need most right now: safety, confidence, or support? Comment with the one you are working on. 💬

11/24/2025

Let’s be honest: the people who are meant for you can feel when you’re faking it.

A client told me this week that they chose to work with me because I felt authentic — not polished, not perfect, just real.

That meant a lot… because I know what it’s like to get caught up in proving:
✨ Proving I’m worth the fee
✨ Proving I’m “successful enough”
✨ Proving I can do it all

And every time I drift into that proving energy, I burn out.
Because it’s not actually my purpose.

My purpose is helping people build secure, joyful, honest relationships — with themselves and with each other.

As we head into the end of the year, I’m asking myself (and my clients):
Where am I performing… and where am I being real?

Try this reflection:
👉 In your work
👉 In your romantic relationship
👉 In your friendships
👉 In your relationship with your own body and health

Where are you doing it to:
Get approval
Get love
Get safety

And where are you doing it because it’s true for you?

You don’t have to fix it all at once. Just start by noticing. That’s the first step back to yourself.

What’s ONE area where you want to be more authentic right now? Tell me below. ⬇️

11/21/2025

Now that I’m fully rested from being with 16 incredible humans at Kripalu, I can finally answer the question I heard the most all weekend:

“Where is your next retreat? When is your next workshop?”

The short answer: more Fire It Up experiences are on the way. 🔥

I’m currently in development with Kripalu and other retreat centers to bring this work to more communities. If you have a retreat center you love and would like to see Fire It Up there, let me know—or let them know and have them reach out.

And next October, Geoff and I will be in the hills of Tuscany, hosting a more expansive, luxurious adventure retreat for couples who want to spend a week deepening their relationship while reveling in all that Tuscany has to offer. 🇮🇹✨

In the meantime, if there’s a workshop or retreat you’re craving—online or in person—reach out. Being in retreat with couples and individuals is truly my favorite way to do this work, and I’m already dreaming up what’s next.

Where would you love to see a Fire It Up retreat or workshop? 💛

Save the date!! These talks aren’t about perfection, they’re about truth. About hard-won wisdom, lived experience, and ...
11/21/2025

Save the date!!

These talks aren’t about perfection, they’re about truth. About hard-won wisdom, lived experience, and the kind of clarity that only comes from showing up fully—flaws and all.

Get ready for perspective-shifting ideas, radical honesty, and the kind of inspiration that lingers long after the lights go down—in the quiet, courageous pursuit of authenticity.

Announcement: TEDxHartford 2025 Lineup

The TEDxHartford 2025 speaker lineup is here—and it’s a powerful reminder of what happens when people dare to speak from the heart. This year, our stage shines a spotlight on voices that challenge the status quo, redefine success, question long-held truths, and offer bold new ways of being in the world.

Meet the speakers:
• Kendall Berg
• Emily Zeran,
• Richard Brown
• Laura Huang
• Joelle Moray,
• Christos Provistalis
• Carolyn Sharp

The holidays can feel like an invisible second shift for so many women leaders.You’re leading teams.You’re wrapping up t...
11/20/2025

The holidays can feel like an invisible second shift for so many women leaders.

You’re leading teams.

You’re wrapping up the year.

You’re holding space for everyone at work…

And then you go home and try to create “holiday magic” for the people you love — often on an already‑empty tank.

Even the strongest, most capable women can feel stretched thin this time of year: torn between responsibility and rest, connection and depletion, giving and guilt.

This year, I’m saying no to burnout and yes to Calm + Bold leadership instead.

I’m honored to be a speaker for Calm Holidays, Strong Boundaries, a free 1‑day (3–4 hour) interview series for women leaders who want to protect their time, energy, and joy this season.

My session is called:

“Happy Holidays, Strong Boundaries: The relationship secret to a joyful season.”
We’ll explore how to:

* Set boundaries that actually protect connection instead of shutting it down
* Navigate tricky family dynamics without abandoning yourself
* Stay grounded with your partner (or loved ones) when stress is high
* Bring more joy and less resentment into your holiday traditions

You’ll also hear from experts in emotional wellbeing, financial clarity, nervous system regulation, leadership, and sustainable health and fitness — all focused on helping you move through the season with steadiness instead of stress.

If you’re ready to rewrite the holiday script this year, you can join us at no charge at the link in my bio!

One of the themes that kept showing up at my Fire It Up retreat at Kripalu was just how hard it is for many of us to pra...
11/20/2025

One of the themes that kept showing up at my Fire It Up retreat at Kripalu was just how hard it is for many of us to practice radical acceptance.

Couples shared how quickly they move into criticism or fixing when they feel scared or disappointed. Individuals talked about how hard it is to accept their own flaws and vulnerabilities without immediately judging themselves. When we can’t accept ourselves, we tend to get defensive. When we can’t accept our partner, we often slide into a critical–shaming cycle that leaves everyone feeling more alone.
In Fire It Up, I write:

“Radical acceptance is the practice of accepting things as they are, regardless of how challenging or difficult they may be. This frees us from the suffering caused by fighting against something we cannot change.”
Over the weekend, I watched what happens when people begin to live this out in real time:

✨ Couples softening instead of bracing for criticism

✨ Individuals seeing their own humanity with more compassion

✨ Partners saying, “This is hard, and I’m still here with you”

With each session and each practice, intimacy and connection grew—both between partners and within each person’s relationship with themselves.

Acceptance doesn’t mean we stop growing. It means we stop fighting reality long enough to create the safety where real growth is actually possible.

Where could a little more radical acceptance (for yourself or someone you love) bring more ease and connection this week? 💛

11/19/2025

These were not “perfect” couples or “perfect” individuals.

Each couple at my Fire It Up retreat at Kripalu—like every couple—has their struggles. Each individual brought a very human mix of strengths, fears, and places they wanted to grow. What moved me most was not perfection, but intention.

They came with a clear desire to create greater health and intimacy in their lives and communities, and I watched them all dig in and do deeply inspiring work.

Here are some of the lessons we worked on together:

✨ Listening for understanding, not just for your turn to respond

✨ Slowing down and pausing so you can choose a new response instead of reacting on autopilot

✨ Remembering that the relationship itself has needs that deserve time and care

✨ Practicing more kindness and compassion toward themselves, not just toward others

✨ Using simple tools like eye contact and grounding to regulate and reconnect

You don’t have to go on retreat to start this work. You can begin right where you are, with one small, intentional shift in how you listen, how you slow down, or how you care for the “us” in your life.

Which of these lessons do you most want to practice this week? 💛

One of the things I heard again and again at my Fire It Up retreat at Kripalu was how rare it felt to truly step away fr...
11/18/2025

One of the things I heard again and again at my Fire It Up retreat at Kripalu was how rare it felt to truly step away from everyday life and make their relationships sacred.

Over the weekend, couples and individuals told me how much they appreciated:

💗 Having uninterrupted time to really see and hear each other

💗 Remembering that their relationship has needs of its own

💗 Feeling part of a community that cares about growing kinder, healthier love
In a world that tells us to hustle harder and squeeze connection into the margins, these 6 couples and 4 brave individuals chose something different. They cleared their calendars, traveled to the Berkshires, and spent three days tending to:

💗 Their partnerships

💗 Their relationship with themselves

💗 Their sense of community and belonging
I watched them:

🕯️ Set intentions for more joy, ease, kindness, and intentional connection

🕯️ Turn toward each other in difficult conversations instead of away

🕯️ Name out loud that their relationships are worth this level of care
Again and again, people said some version of, “We needed this space. We forget how important it is to make time for us.”

If you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to tend to your relationship, consider this your gentle nudge: the right time is the time you decide to make it sacred.

What’s one way you can carve out intentional time for your relationship this week—even 10 minutes?

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