Joyfully After All

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Joyfully After All

Dedicated to all of us searching for joy, smiles & help to navigate this crazy journey called life. I am unashamedly in love with Jesus & talk about Him.

11/12/2025

Watching someone you love dearly prepare for Heaven and knowing Jesus will be calling them home any day is bittersweet in the most extreme sense. On one hand you celebrate for the reward they are about to receive.

Jesus is personally preparing a place in Heaven for each of His sheep. To die is the Christian's gain. Our crowns to lay at His feet are ready and waiting for us.

Yet the process of dying is often drawn out and excruciating. Your loved one becomes a shell of who they were in their prime. More time is spent just staying alive as this life ebbs away. It is hard to watch. But love compells you. You want whatever time God allows. That last hug. Last Yahtzee game. Last "I love you."

You weep because you know an "After-Before" will be upon you. After they get to go home and before Jesus finishes your place. The After-Before changes you a bit. You have one more reason to realize this broken, emotionally and physically pain filled world is not our home.

But it is where we are. We have to soldier on. Serving Jesus as we go through our days. To live here is Christ. Everything we do should be for Him in some way. Our attitudes, work ethic, prayers, conversations, throughout our day we serve our Loving Lord who is right now preparing the place for each of His children.

When that place is ready our After-Before here will end and our Forever will begin. The forever that our loved one whom we grieved and miss is waiting to show us.

Grief is hard. Goodbye is hard. But even in the hard God gives us hope and joy. The hard has an expiration date. Joy doesn't for those who are HIS.

OUR GOD IS GREATER THAN GRIEF. OUR SAVIOUR IS STRONGER THAN SORROW AND OUR LORD IS LARGER THAN LOSS. AMEN.

So we bring Him our broken hallelujahs knowing our turn is coming when the hallelujah is whole and at His throne with those we love who paved the way.

11/03/2025

People have asked how am I doing?

Honestly? I'm angry. I'm really angry. November and December are my favorite time of the year. I love spending November focusing on all I have that brings gratitude to my heart. I love Hanukkah and Christmas.

God knows all this and still He is allowing cancer to defeat my dad at this special time of the year. I don't get it. Honestly don't.

I'm sad. I cry a lot. My dad is my hero. We didn't always agree on everything. There have been times I've been mad at and confused by my parents. Times they frustrated me. I know I did the same to them. At the end of the day though we are family. I love both of my parents dearly. As I said, my dad is my hero.

Micah 6:8 is one of his favorite verses. "He has shown thee oh man what is good and what the Lord desires of thee. To do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God "

This is my Dad to a T. He is just. He is merciful and he is very humble. I am going to miss all of that. I am going to miss his healing hugs. I am going to miss his wisdom. I am going to miss his sense of humor.

But, while I am NOT ok right now, I WILL be. I will be because dad taught me to love Jesus. The Jesus he will SEE soon and the Jesus who has me in the palm of His hand. He is my Abba. My Adonai. That is why maybe I am not ok right now I know that I will be.

Even when the pain keeps me from taking deep breaths, the ones I breathe are straight from Yahweh. He will help me. He gave me my dad for 42 wonderful years, but HE is my Abba for eternity. I run to Him, even in my not ok, my sad, and my anger.

11/01/2025

You know intellectually it will happen someday. You see the cancer changing your loved one. The D word hovers over everything. Coming closer and closer.

So you give them lots of hugs. You soak up the time together. You record their voice. Knowing that will be all you have.
You laugh about the funny times together. You do your best to make each day matter. But that D word cloud hovers over everything. You know that is cancer's goal.

You believe in Romans 6:23. "For tbe wages of sin is death." You believe ALL of Romans 6:23, "but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Your mind knows that Jesus has overcome, but your heart isn't ready to let go and live in the "after-before". After your loved one goes to Heaven and before you do. The "after-before" is hard. It hurts.

In my life I've grieved many times. The loss of self after my r**e. The loss of grandparents. The miscarriage of two children. My husband. Friends in the military and civilian friends. Grief isn't new.

This grief is one of the more acute griefs. My Dad has been my hero from day one. It is scary and hard.

Watching as cancer is quickly winning. Knowing the cancer will win, everything in me shouts to God, "This sucks!" along with a few other choice words.

I try to remember that death doesn't get the victory. Dad ultimately does. Death is his entrance pass beyond the pearly gates into Heaven with his Jesus.

Still, watching it happen, knowing it will usher in an "After-Before" down here. Yeah. Grief sucks. No Bible verse can change that. JESUS wept at death.

The only thing that makes it suck just a little less is running to the Rock who faced death, wept at death, died, and defeated death when He rose.

10/25/2025

Goodbye. One of the hardest words to write. One of the worst things to live with. Goodbye hurts.

God created us for life. Birth is natural. Death is not. Death hurts so much because we were not designed for it. It is the ultimate cinsequence for sin.

Watching our loved ones prepare for and then pass on is gut wrenching. Its supposed to be. We've all earned the death penalty.

Thankfully God isn't just holy and perfect. God is loving and forgiving. God came to earth, lived a perfect life, died a horrible death, and walked out of the tomb alive!

All so that death doesn't get the final word. Choose to believe the Bible is true and your death will just be the beginning.

For the Believer, our future is a life on a new earth that is not contaminated by sin. We will live the holy lives God designed us to live. Heaven and Earth will be our home.

So for now we grieve each goodbye. We mourn and struggle. We do it knowing that Jesus will wipe all our tears and we have a future with no more goodbyes.

10/21/2025

Anywhere where Jesus is, that is holy ground.

Right now the staff bathroom at work is holy ground. As I listen to my worship song and cry to Jesus this bathroom is holy. Outside the buzzing of hospital life continues. In here, I pause to cry to my Savior. To ask Him, "why now?" To tell Him, "I need 20 more years! I'm not ready for SOON to be really soon!"

Experiencing a "no. My way is not your way." From God is painful. It hurts. It crushes the soul. Thete is anger. There is fear. There is deep hurt. But a "no" for us is a "yes" for someone else.

It is, "You will be home soon. More alive than you ever were on that broken earth."

No hurts. "Let him come to me" hurts.

How we handle the hurt is what will define us. Do we use it to let bitterness fester, or let comfort indwell? Do we run from God or toward Him? Are we weakened or strengthened?

It is hard. Grief is like no other pain and we all deal with it differently. I am trying to run toward the Giver of Comfort.

10/18/2025

I have a lot of very vivid dreams. Mostly they are adventures. Quite entertaining and a bit crazy.

Lately my sleep has been not much, but when I do sleep it is the same dream. Or very very similar.

I dream that my kiddo and I move to Lynchburg, VA. I get a job as a history professor at Liberty and the kid attends LCA (private Christian school). We get a townhouse in the same complex I lived in during seminary. Different unit though.

Our cats are with us and here is where I should know its a dream, they speak English!

In my dream we are unpacking and chatting. My daughter asks why I needed to move across the country away from all her friends.

"Its a good job. You'll like Lynchburg. And we can be a part of the TRBC Christmas Spectacular. And all the history. We will visit Poplar Forest and Bedford, Appomattox Court House. And Aunt Crystal and Uncle Tony are just over the mountain. You'll love it."

"But Mum WHY did we move here? What was wrong with Wyoming?"

"Nothing was wrong. We had good friends there. I just needed a change. And Liberty hired me to my dream job. I get to teach again in a Jesus loving environment this time. It pays well to support you."

"But I wanted to stay. I liked Sheridan. I don't know people here. Its scary. Its a big city."

"Definitely bigger than Sheridan, but not huge. You find ways to make the city feel smaller- your favorite parks, restaurants, hang outs. And yes it is scary, but God will give you friends here and you can FaceTime your Wyoming friends."

And then the cats come in complaining that we are upstairs and their empty food dishes are downstairs and did they mention the bowls were empty? So I go to feed them wondering who I should tell that we moved.

Its about then that I wake up.

Hmmm... the idea of moving is scary but intriguing. If only I could get hired on as a history professor! Teaching history at a Christian high school or college IS my dream job (as is publishing books).

10/18/2025

Every time I read one of the Gospels I gain new insights. I've been read to or reading Scripture for 42.5 years now and I haven't even scratched the surface on all that God's love letter to us contains. Its pretty amazing.

Right now it is 4am and this is what God has shown me.

By all accounts Jesus and Lazarus were good friends. Jesus dearly loved Lazarus' sisters, Mary and Martha. The account of these 4 people is poingnant. Lazarus got sick. Lazarus died.

Jesus went to His friends. He knew what was about to happen. He didn't comfort Mary and Martha with empty (albeit well meaning) platitudes.

I know that when Dad dies it will be his gain and he will be in a better place. But that doesn't change that he will no longer be here for advice, laughter, and hugs.

No Jesus didn't give the grieving sisters words that mean well but in the moment bring cold comfort. Jesus wept with them. He offered true empathy and love. He shared their pain and grief.

We serve a God who knows the glory our loved ones are experiencing, but who weeps with us because He knows the grief those left behind feel. The same God who commands the dead to live again (& they do) is the God who counts our tears and shares the pain.

John 11:35, "Jesus wept".

10/14/2025

The Bible is very clear that God is control. He gave us free will, but ultimately God is in control. This cancer journey my family is on, as we fight alongside my beloved Father, is a stark reminder of just how powerless we as humans are. I am thankful that I love and serve the holy God, who not only is righteous, but loving as well. As hard as it is watching my Dad get closer and closer to his “Welcome Home” day, I couldn’t do it at all without my loving Savior walking this path with me.

One of my favorite prayers (poem maybe is better) comes from the Breastplate of Saint Patrick (a faith hero of mine).

I arise today, through
God's strength to pilot me,
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptation of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
afar and near.

Right now I feel pretty tossed about, I feel like Old Hairy Legs (as a dear Brother in Christ calls Satan) is wanting to drown me in grief and despair. He wants me to focus on what I’m losing-time with my precious Papa. Instead I should be focusing on what he is gaining and all the time God has given me (and that I still have at the moment), the special relationship I have with my Dad. This verse in the poem reminds of where my focus needs to be. God is within me. As Paul says (and I paraphrase), “Nothing can separate me from God’s love.”

God wants to love on me and shield me, even from the bruising waves of deep grief. God will keep me from drowning, but I have to do my part. I have to pray. I have to root myself in Scripture through daily Bible reading. I have to surround myself with Christian friends. I have to trust my Lifeguard to protect me. God has given me, and continues to give me what I need, but I have to reach for it. I have to let it comfort me, and not fight HIM.

Pretty soon my Dad’s earthly voice may be silenced. He will earn his “Well Done” he will receive his crowns to lay at his Savior’s feet. He will meet his grandchildren that preceded him, and join his family and friends that went before. For Dad it will be a great day, the starting of his eternal life. For Dad it will be beyond our imagining, it will be Heaven with JESUS. He will get there and be ready to lead us through Heaven when it is our turn.

For those of us here who love him, it will be deeply bittersweet. We will celebrate Dad earning his rewards and getting to be in Heaven. Dad’s gain is our immense loss though. It is no longer going to him for advice. It is no longer giving or getting hugs or kisses, no more holding hands. It is hearing and seeing him only through videos and pictures (and thank you Lord for putting us in a time of technology). It is no more walks, no coffee trips, no joking, no more Yahtzee or Sorry, or help raking leaves. All the myriad of things he does, we who are here will have to pick up what he has had to set down. We must carry on.

But even with Christ, how do you do that, when Heaven has given you one more reason to yearn to be there? You remember that there is a plan. God knows when each of our coming home days will be, and till that day happens for each of us, we have to trust that God still has things for us to do here. We root ourselves in the love of Christ. The love that counts the tears and lights each step we take. The love that lies us down in green pastures beside still waters. The love that came to earth, felt the pain we feel, died and rose again to defeat death. The love that is all encompassing and will provide peace, comfort, and joy through and after the mourning.

Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

10/11/2025

Sitting on my bed all I see out my window are golden leaves. The beauty of the tree before it goes dormant for winter. Every once in awhile a breeze comes through and some leaves fall.

The tree isn't worried. It knows that after a beautiful display it won't look so good as it rests through winter's chill. The tree knows Spring and Summer, and another Autumn will come. The tree is steady and trusts the Creator.

Even when the winds come, the roots are deep and while the tree may sway, its seen many storms. It knows to bend but not break. It trusts where the Creator planted it.

I wish I could be more like my tree. Firm. Trusting. Swaying but steady.

These days I try. I journal and I pray. I go to work. I cook dinner. But in it all are roots that are infected with anger. With deep grief. With powerlessness.

This storm seems like the big one that will knock me down, roots and all.

It isn't even like I didn't know this would happen SOMEDAY, but someday was suppossed to be twenty years from now, when Dad was closer to his century mark, after he watched his great grandchildren come into the world.

Its through the anger. Its bending low with grief that God whispers, "If you get uprooted, I'll just replant you in deeper, healthier soil. Stay faithful and I will take care of you. Yell your anger. Weep your tears. Do it all knowing I'll love you through it. You are not alone in this storm my Child."

So. I'll keep trying. Trying to be faithful like my favorite tree. Both of us trusting our Creator to get us through the storms.

10/09/2025

Cancer is evil. It is scary. It is hard to watch. Even harder to fight. As a loved one it leaves you powerless. Cancer reminds us that we are not in control.

The doctors may think you have 3, 6, or 12 months left. Only God knows exactly how many days are on that countdown clock.

For many there are victories and life post-cancer is years or even decades long. Research is helping. Slowly cancer's evil is being chipped away. Every post cancer life is worth celebrating.

For far too many though cancer leads to the cemetary. It is a battle that can't be won. A knock out fight. Watching that fight be slowly and painfully lost is so hard.

It is tears in the shower. It is pillowcases soaked. It is yelling in the privacy of the car. It is lots and lots of questions for God.

Cancer is a thief. A brazen and evil thief. Yet as believers we can't let it steal our faith in our Savior. It may seem beyond comprehension to us, but God has our best in mind.

Paul tells us, "To live is Christ but to die is gain." Cancer doesn't have the power to steal our eternity (it just may seem to hasten the entry, but we all get to Heaven exactly when God wills).

It is a heartbreaking battle to watch. It makes a person feel powerless. It steals comfort and "gifts" grief.

Yet through it all our God is walking with each of us. He is counting the tears. He is hearing the screams. He is here whispering comfort to the shattered heart.

We may never know why cancer was allowed, but we know that for the believer there is always complete healing, either eradication of the disease or a welcoming home to Heaven.

If God chooses cancer will end in a "well done and welcome home" the seperation is only temporary. It will hurt. Life will never be the same, but our loved one earned their reward and is more alive than ever and someday we will earn the same and they will be there to lead us to Jesus.

In the meantime, give your hurt, your questions, and your tears to the Lord. Let Him fill you with comfort, peace, hope, and yes even a joy beyond comprehension. But first, the tears.

Joyfully After All doesn't mean pain doesn't exist or is ignored. It means Joy is deeper than circumstances and has its roots in the pain that we allowed God to use to refine and grow us. It means joy is always possible through Christ.

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I am available to speak on a variety of topics. I am willing to travel to wherever you happen to be. I use PowerPoint as well as a variety of other forms of technology to share God's love, God’s joy and peace as well as His power to heal what is broken. I try to keep my speaker fees as affordable as possible. Message me to book an engagement! If you want to purchase copies of my book, Joyfully After All hop on over to Amazon.

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