Joyfully After All

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Joyfully After All

Dedicated to all of us searching for joy, smiles & help to navigate this crazy journey called life. I am unashamedly in love with Jesus & talk about Him.

12/04/2025

December is a dichotomus month. My wedding anniversary falls in December, and I'm no longer a wife. My sweet grandma went to be with Jesus in December. We remember my uncle in December who is no longer with us. My Dad will call December his Heaven going month. On the other side my nephews both have birthdays in December and Hanukkah and Christmas are both in December.

You want to be joyous and celebrate the good,and the bright, but there is so much sad and dark as well.

I read a quote on another page and it hit me. "The hard and the holy sit at the same table." As I ruminate on this more I think I want to add that Christmas is proof that someday the hard will fall away and we will be left with just the holy.

The manger, the cross, and the empty tomb all point to the truth that hard is temporary for the Christian, but holy is forever.

So, we sit right now with the hard and the holy knowing that someday we will get to bid adieu to hard and fully embrace holy. Because our Savior came as a meek babe, grew up to be a humble lamb sacrificed on the cross, walked out of the tomb and will return as the conquering lion the whole earth will worship. Hard and Holy, Lamb and Lion, Sacrifice and Conqueror.

Thank you Lord for all You are teaching me in this season.

12/03/2025

Watching, waiting, and praising God. I have recently wondered why he is lingering, but I trust in God's timing.

Hanukkah is almost here and it happened during a period of waiting for the Jews.

Before that there were 40 years of wandering before God's people could enter the land God had for them. Even before that there were the centuries of life in Egypt.

History shows that God is busy in our waiting. We just don't always see what He is doing.

So I am trusting that my God who never changes and is always faithful is busy right now in this waiting. I am trusting that He has the perfect day picked out to welcome each of His sheep into our eternal home.

While I'm waiting I'm worshipping, and yes grieving, but even my broken hallelujah is a hallelujah.

God's timing is always best. We may not understand it from our present focused viewpoint, but when we can have that 20/20 hindsight vision we see, "Yes God, you were perfect in your plan, timing, and ex*****on. Thank you."

Waiting isn't always pretty. It is hard. It is frustrating. Waiting is an act of worship and obedience. It is born out of God's faithfulness and our trust in that faithfulness.

So I am watching, waiting, grieving, but praising God for being with each of us through everything.

12/01/2025

When he gets where he is going there will be only happy tears, and the coffee will be amazing! When he gets where he is going the only scars or reminders of pain will be on Jesus. When he gets where he is going there will be only perfect days. When he gets where he is going the first thing he will hear is, "Well done and welcome home." His first hugs will be his parents. And then all the lives he ministered to during his time here.

We are playing the waiting game. Yet even now there are moments of beauty. Time to sit beside him and pray. Time to read favorite Bible passages or sing favorite hymns and worship songs. Time to kiss or hug and say, "Go home. We will see you soon."

11/23/2025

Thanksgiving week is officially here. Its a different one for my family. A bit more somber and thoughtful. God and I have been doing some work on my heart. I wanted to share my gratitude list.

1. My Savior. He has been especially close this season. Helping me through all my feelings. The good and the ugly. The holy and the not so holy (but awfully human). He has taught me things about Himself in all of it.

2. We have had the insight to live intentionally this Autumn. I'll treasure all the hugs from my Dad. I've been able to tell him how cool of a Dad he is.

3. Neighbors, friends, family, our church have all been so kind and supportive. We live in a fantastic community and our extended family is wonderful.

4. My cats are pretty great. Queen Willow Yata is entertaining and Sir Buttons is my snuggle buddy. His purr brings much comfort.

5. Dry weather. Yes I still love snow, but our mild Autumn has been safer travel weather for all the people coming to visit my parents. But come Hanukkah I will be doing more snow dances. I can only wait so long. 😇

6. My sweet Snowflake kid. She gives hugs that heal. She has her moments of helpfulness. She makes me laugh when I need one. She's a good human. I love my kid.

7. Weddings. A dear friend's daughter just married over the weekend. A reminder that joy can be found at all times. May their marriage be long, blessed and Christ focused.

8. Work. Its going well. I am enjoying my new focus and my little cave of an office. Its great.

9. My cozy bed. Comfy. Cozy. My Christmas blankets have come out.

Happy Thanksgiving week to all!

11/21/2025

The empty chair

It sits there, in the dining room. We didn't need it at the kitchen table. You were in your bed sleeping. Getting closer to Heaven every day. Last night though was a glimpse of our new reality. Your chair is empty.

The rocking chair where you would sit. Now anyone can sit there. Its just a chair. But it is so much more.

In the living room your chair remains empty. In the den, different people are on the couch.

Life is moving forward. Thanksgiving will come. After that will be Hanukkah and Christmas. We will celebrate them all. We will smile. We may even laugh a little bit. But at every gathering your chair will be empty.

Death changes things. You have a better address now. Down here things can be good, but a bit emptier. Not as full and robust as before.

We enjoy those that are gathered in the room, thankful for each person, all while THAT chair, YOUR chair sits empty.

11/20/2025

Seasons change. The snowy fields of winter melt away to reveal the green grass and colorful flowers of Spring. Spring blooms into dry, hot days of summer. Summer's sunny warmth fades into golden red hues of Autumn's crisp mornings. And Autumn's leaves fall to be buried under another wintry blanket.

We count on the changing of the seasons. Some of us embracing the heat of a sunny summer day. Others of us come alive when the rest of the area is buried under the multitude of snowflakes that come. Still others best love crunching fallen leaves or sniffing newly bloomed Spring flowers. We can all agree that no matter what our favorite season is, it won't last. Even the tropics experience changes to some degree.

Just as the earth goes through seasons, our lives do too. Some seasons are ful of the hope and joy of Spring. Other seasons we just get through, such as the winters of grief and hurt.

Through all the changing seasons there is one constant, God. God never changes. Find comfort in the steadfastness of our unwavering, unchanging holy God.

When the season brings storms run to the Savior who calms storms. Oceans, winds, lightning. It all has to obey HIM. Fear, anxiety, grief, they answer to Him. Our steadfast God is the balm for all hurt.

He takes pain and fills hearts with peace. He rides the storm with you, keeping you afloat.

His promise for remaining faithful is Heaven. There are no floods. No famine. No hurricanes. No thunder. No blizzards. Heaven's climate is perfect.

No depression. No anxiety. No fear. No grief. No pain. Tears are for earth. Belly laughs are for Heaven.

Keeping our eyes on the prize we can endure the changing seasons. We can withstand the buffeting winds of trauma. Because soon we will be in Heaven where we will see His face and walk in a perfect place with a perfect climate.

Seasons here change. Some feel life giving. Some seasons feel life draining. Through it all we can take rest and refuge in unchanging Abba who has perfection in store for His people.

Amen.

11/18/2025

Pretty soon my Dad is going to be promoted to Heaven. We can see that Jesus is just working on the finishing of Dad's new home. As they say in the construction business, "Just the punch list left."

Thanksgiving-Hanukkah-Christmas this is my favorite time of the year. This year, I am REALLY struggling to find my gratitude. My daughter has some health issues we are trying to diagnose. I'm struggling with my health, and my Dad is dying.

Not a real merry time!

I was REALLY struggling this weekend. Just no gratitude and lots of anger.

So I turned on my Grief Train playlist (worship songs for times of grief) on Apple Music and just poured my hurt, my fear, my pain, and my anger out to my Savior. I left it ALL at His feet.

My pain didn't magically disappear. But it felt good to know His comfort is RIGHT HERE. I was reminded that we ALL have seasons of immense grief. Sickness and death are universal.

I was also reminded that we are commanded to give thanks in all things. Worship at all times. This season is not a time that God has abandoned me and left me with nothing.

We almost had to say goodbye to Dad in August. God has given us this Autumn to spend our days intentionally. I am treasuring each hug. Each time he can muster, "I love you." It is a gift to thank Jesus for.

Some friends that are more like aunts and uncles have been loving on each of us and we are growing closer. That's a gift. I'm thankful for them.

To those that have supported my parents financially, thank you. For the THOUSANDS of prayers, Thank you. For the texts, calls, cards, and messages, THANK you.

I praise God for the tribe he has put in my life. My post- Dad life will be hard, but God has given me an amazing group to walk through the valley with me to a geeen pasture. I am thankful for everyone of you.

So yes, the end of 2025 is a hard season, but it is just a season. Even in Wyoming the seasons change. This may be a season of grief, but on the darkest days I'll crank up the worship music, run to my Savior who was a man of sorrow, familiar with grief and the victor of it all. I will flood my heart with Scripture, so that I don't drown and lose my hardfought joy.

Because Christians, our pain has an expiration date! Our tears are not forever. Our sorrow will end. Joy, worship, amazing things are our future. My Dad is about to see it all! He will get his first Christmas WITH Jesus! He can be with his parents. He can talk to Mr. CS Lewis and Saint Paul.

Our grief. Our sorrow is Dad's gift. To live is Christ, but to die. Oh that is His gain. We really only can imagine.

So I'm going to focus on that. All that my Dad is gaining. The friends and family he will see again. The Savior he will run to worship.

Parting will be hard, but it is just temporary. And maybe, that trump will sound and we can all be raptured together! But if not, God is still holy, loving, good, and worthy of praise. Even, maybe especially in the hard, God is just and good.

11/12/2025

Watching someone you love dearly prepare for Heaven and knowing Jesus will be calling them home any day is bittersweet in the most extreme sense. On one hand you celebrate for the reward they are about to receive.

Jesus is personally preparing a place in Heaven for each of His sheep. To die is the Christian's gain. Our crowns to lay at His feet are ready and waiting for us.

Yet the process of dying is often drawn out and excruciating. Your loved one becomes a shell of who they were in their prime. More time is spent just staying alive as this life ebbs away. It is hard to watch. But love compells you. You want whatever time God allows. That last hug. Last Yahtzee game. Last "I love you."

You weep because you know an "After-Before" will be upon you. After they get to go home and before Jesus finishes your place. The After-Before changes you a bit. You have one more reason to realize this broken, emotionally and physically pain filled world is not our home.

But it is where we are. We have to soldier on. Serving Jesus as we go through our days. To live here is Christ. Everything we do should be for Him in some way. Our attitudes, work ethic, prayers, conversations, throughout our day we serve our Loving Lord who is right now preparing the place for each of His children.

When that place is ready our After-Before here will end and our Forever will begin. The forever that our loved one whom we grieved and miss is waiting to show us.

Grief is hard. Goodbye is hard. But even in the hard God gives us hope and joy. The hard has an expiration date. Joy doesn't for those who are HIS.

OUR GOD IS GREATER THAN GRIEF. OUR SAVIOUR IS STRONGER THAN SORROW AND OUR LORD IS LARGER THAN LOSS. AMEN.

So we bring Him our broken hallelujahs knowing our turn is coming when the hallelujah is whole and at His throne with those we love who paved the way.

11/03/2025

People have asked how am I doing?

Honestly? I'm angry. I'm really angry. November and December are my favorite time of the year. I love spending November focusing on all I have that brings gratitude to my heart. I love Hanukkah and Christmas.

God knows all this and still He is allowing cancer to defeat my dad at this special time of the year. I don't get it. Honestly don't.

I'm sad. I cry a lot. My dad is my hero. We didn't always agree on everything. There have been times I've been mad at and confused by my parents. Times they frustrated me. I know I did the same to them. At the end of the day though we are family. I love both of my parents dearly. As I said, my dad is my hero.

Micah 6:8 is one of his favorite verses. "He has shown thee oh man what is good and what the Lord desires of thee. To do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God "

This is my Dad to a T. He is just. He is merciful and he is very humble. I am going to miss all of that. I am going to miss his healing hugs. I am going to miss his wisdom. I am going to miss his sense of humor.

But, while I am NOT ok right now, I WILL be. I will be because dad taught me to love Jesus. The Jesus he will SEE soon and the Jesus who has me in the palm of His hand. He is my Abba. My Adonai. That is why maybe I am not ok right now I know that I will be.

Even when the pain keeps me from taking deep breaths, the ones I breathe are straight from Yahweh. He will help me. He gave me my dad for 42 wonderful years, but HE is my Abba for eternity. I run to Him, even in my not ok, my sad, and my anger.

11/01/2025

You know intellectually it will happen someday. You see the cancer changing your loved one. The D word hovers over everything. Coming closer and closer.

So you give them lots of hugs. You soak up the time together. You record their voice. Knowing that will be all you have.
You laugh about the funny times together. You do your best to make each day matter. But that D word cloud hovers over everything. You know that is cancer's goal.

You believe in Romans 6:23. "For tbe wages of sin is death." You believe ALL of Romans 6:23, "but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Your mind knows that Jesus has overcome, but your heart isn't ready to let go and live in the "after-before". After your loved one goes to Heaven and before you do. The "after-before" is hard. It hurts.

In my life I've grieved many times. The loss of self after my r**e. The loss of grandparents. The miscarriage of two children. My husband. Friends in the military and civilian friends. Grief isn't new.

This grief is one of the more acute griefs. My Dad has been my hero from day one. It is scary and hard.

Watching as cancer is quickly winning. Knowing the cancer will win, everything in me shouts to God, "This sucks!" along with a few other choice words.

I try to remember that death doesn't get the victory. Dad ultimately does. Death is his entrance pass beyond the pearly gates into Heaven with his Jesus.

Still, watching it happen, knowing it will usher in an "After-Before" down here. Yeah. Grief sucks. No Bible verse can change that. JESUS wept at death.

The only thing that makes it suck just a little less is running to the Rock who faced death, wept at death, died, and defeated death when He rose.

10/25/2025

Goodbye. One of the hardest words to write. One of the worst things to live with. Goodbye hurts.

God created us for life. Birth is natural. Death is not. Death hurts so much because we were not designed for it. It is the ultimate cinsequence for sin.

Watching our loved ones prepare for and then pass on is gut wrenching. Its supposed to be. We've all earned the death penalty.

Thankfully God isn't just holy and perfect. God is loving and forgiving. God came to earth, lived a perfect life, died a horrible death, and walked out of the tomb alive!

All so that death doesn't get the final word. Choose to believe the Bible is true and your death will just be the beginning.

For the Believer, our future is a life on a new earth that is not contaminated by sin. We will live the holy lives God designed us to live. Heaven and Earth will be our home.

So for now we grieve each goodbye. We mourn and struggle. We do it knowing that Jesus will wipe all our tears and we have a future with no more goodbyes.

10/21/2025

Anywhere where Jesus is, that is holy ground.

Right now the staff bathroom at work is holy ground. As I listen to my worship song and cry to Jesus this bathroom is holy. Outside the buzzing of hospital life continues. In here, I pause to cry to my Savior. To ask Him, "why now?" To tell Him, "I need 20 more years! I'm not ready for SOON to be really soon!"

Experiencing a "no. My way is not your way." From God is painful. It hurts. It crushes the soul. Thete is anger. There is fear. There is deep hurt. But a "no" for us is a "yes" for someone else.

It is, "You will be home soon. More alive than you ever were on that broken earth."

No hurts. "Let him come to me" hurts.

How we handle the hurt is what will define us. Do we use it to let bitterness fester, or let comfort indwell? Do we run from God or toward Him? Are we weakened or strengthened?

It is hard. Grief is like no other pain and we all deal with it differently. I am trying to run toward the Giver of Comfort.

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