03/09/2026
Recently I have been reading Good Boundaries and Goodbyes and listening to some of the teachings from Lysa TerKeurst about surviving an unwanted divorce. Like many of us experience when we read a book, hear a song, or listen to a podcast, there are sometimes certain moments or statements that deeply resonate with us—something that stops us and makes us reflect.
One section she shared really stood out to me.
Lysa talked about a comment she heard often while walking through her divorce. People would say, “There are always two sides to the story.” While that phrase is often meant to sound fair or balanced, she shared how painful those words were to hear in the middle of deep betrayal and heartbreak.
Hearing her explain why those words hurt made me pause. If I’m honest, I have said that phrase myself before. I never intended harm when I said it. I believed I was encouraging fairness or understanding. But hearing her share the pain those words caused—and having walked through something similar myself—made me realize how those words can land very differently for the person who has been deeply wounded.
Sometimes statements meant to sound wise or neutral can unintentionally dismiss the very real hurt someone is carrying.
In her book It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lisa TerKeurst shares about the pain of walking through an unwanted divorce and how damaging it was when people suggested that there must be “two sides,” as if that somehow meant she must share responsibility for her husband’s choices. The implication—whether intended or not—can be that the one who was betrayed or abandoned must have somehow caused the other person’s sin.
But that is not how responsibility works.
Yes, every relationship has dynamics and imperfections. None of us are perfect. But someone else’s sinful choices still belong to them. Betrayal, abandonment, deception, and unfaithfulness are decisions that a person makes before God. Suggesting that the wounded person somehow shares blame for those choices can deepen their pain and create unnecessary shame.
Sometimes saying “there are two sides” becomes a way for people to avoid the discomfort of confronting sin or to preserve relationships with the person who caused the harm. But in doing so, we can unintentionally dismiss the very real wounds of the one who was hurt.
Scripture calls believers to handle truth carefully and compassionately. We are told to “speak the truth in love” and to be mindful not to cause others to stumble. When someone is already carrying the weight of betrayal or abandonment, minimizing their pain or implying blame can feel like a second wound.
There is a difference between seeking understanding and diluting responsibility.
Biblical wisdom acknowledges that while relationships are complex, each person is accountable for their own actions before God. Compassion should move us to listen, protect the wounded, and encourage repentance where it is needed—not to blur the lines of responsibility in order to keep everyone comfortable.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is acknowledge the truth plainly:
Someone was hurt.�Someone made choices that caused that hurt.�And the wounded deserve to be seen with compassion—not suspicion.
There is something the body of Christ needs to be careful about.
When someone is hurt by another believer’s sin, it can be tempting for others to stay neutral or quietly side with the person who caused the hurt in order to preserve a friendship. But Scripture calls us to something deeper than comfort and loyalty—it calls us to truth and righteousness.
The Bible tells us to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) and reminds us that “better is open rebuke than hidden love” (Proverbs 27:5). True love does not ignore sin simply to maintain peace. It lovingly addresses what is wrong so that healing and restoration can happen.
But there is also another danger we must be aware of.
When we dismiss or excuse someone’s sinful behavior just to keep the friendship, we may unintentionally become a stumbling block to the person who was wounded by that sin. Instead of protecting the injured and encouraging repentance, we can end up validating the harm and deepening the hurt.
Scripture warns us to be careful not to cause others to stumble (Romans 14:13). Our response to situations like these matters—not just for the person who sinned, but also for the one who was wounded.
Biblical love does not mean choosing sides based on relationships.�It means standing with truth, humility, and righteousness, even when it is uncomfortable.
Holding someone accountable is not rejection.�Ignoring sin is not love.
If we truly care about one another in the body of Christ, we should desire three things:�• Repentance for the one who sinned�• Healing for the one who was hurt�• Truth that leads both back to Christ
Real love protects the wounded, calls the sinner to repentance, and refuses to sacrifice truth for the sake of preserving comfort or social circles.
