ACA WSO

ACA WSO Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)/Dysfunctional Families is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition program of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes.

This page is intended to provide ACA info only. Cross talk or inappropriate language is not permitted. Find an ACA meeting online or in your area. https://adultchildren.org/meeting-group/

But we mistakenly believed there were some benefits also - a sense of belonging, except that we didn't even know who we ...
03/20/2026

But we mistakenly believed there were some benefits also - a sense of belonging, except that we didn't even know who we were outside of this role.

As we grow and begin setting boundaries where there were none, we find our True Selves. We learn to connect more fully to our Higher Power by going on this journey. We accept that when we don't please people, they are not pleased - so be it. We allow those angry stares to live with the person who gives them. We slowly learn not to internalize the fear we grew up with. We cultivate new, loving relationships as we work the Steps. We remember our past and move through it to a new freedom, a freedom we never knew existed.

On this day I will respond when I know what I want to say, and not because I feel like I need to make someone else happy.

Excerpt from Daily Affirmations: Strengthening My Recovery.
Get your copy here: https://tinyurl.com/2vy873ff

03/20/2026

Trust

“These adult children rarely stop to think that self-sufficiency is covering up a fear of rejection which they think could come if they ask for help.” BRB p. 102

Most of us had no one we could consistently rely on as children. Everyone seemed to be caught up in the dysfunction, and we were left to manage things ourselves. We became very self-sufficient and were sometimes even praised for that ability.

As adults, our self-sufficiency became a way of controlling things around us. If we did it ourselves, then we didn’t have to rely on anyone else, especially because experience told us that most people weren’t trustworthy anyway.

Even in recovery, some of us clung to our self-sufficiency, not asking for help because we found it hard to believe that we’d get it. And we would simply not allow ourselves to feel rejected yet again.

But as we continued to go to meetings, we gradually heard the truths we needed and became stronger. We learned to allow ourselves to feel vulnerable and trust that there was help available if only we would ask for it – help in our recovery, help in our work life, and help in our personal life.

On this day I will give myself the gift of asking for help, whether it’s in my recovery or anywhere in life.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

03/18/2026

Service

“We give service just by being present to support and encourage other members of the program as they make the transition from frightened adult children to whole human beings who are capable of acting with the spontaneity of a child and the wisdom of a mature adult.” BRB p. 354

As adult children, we inherently have the gift of being sensitive and present for others. Yet many of us weren’t taught to cultivate this gift in a healthy manner. Because our inherent value wasn’t nurtured and was basically forced or punished into hiding, the gift of service was distorted into codependent behavior that caused us to look for love and acceptance through people-pleasing, caretaking, and approval-seeking.

Now, in ACA, we can direct this gift into healthy service. Being present, supportive, and encouraging of others in their ACA work contributes exponential momentum to our own recovery. We experience exhilaration when we feel the release of our fears and restrictions, and naturally feel and act on our inherent spontaneity and wisdom. In turn, this enthusiasm motivates other recovering adult children to share this momentum and exhilaration. As we pass it on, we all receive the benefits of our shared gift.

On this day I will attend an ACA meeting or have a one-on-one interaction with a fellow traveler. I will be truly present, supporting and encouraging another adult child as they release the fears and restrictions of the false self, and feel the exhilaration of their True Self.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

03/17/2026

Step Ten

“We learn to take a balanced view of our behavior, avoiding the tendency to take too much responsibility for the actions of others.” BRB p. 251

We didn’t learn balance in our families of origin. Most of us became either super-responsible or super-irresponsible. There didn’t seem to be much of a middle ground.

Those of us who were super-responsible often believed we were in charge of everyone else. In the process, we didn’t learn to focus on ourselves.

In Step Four we identify our problematic behaviors. As we continue to work the Steps, we increase our awareness of those behaviors and how they affect our relationships with other people. We examine our demands, our criticisms, and our negativity. We inventory our past feelings and motives so we can separate our own dysfunction from that of our family of origin. We begin reparenting ourselves to replace the lack of nurturing and the imbalance we grew up with.

When we regularly practice Step Ten, we are able to stay current. Learning to keep the scales balanced, we acknowledge our feelings and act purposefully in situations, thereby gaining emotional sobriety. We celebrate our lives as they become more sane and manageable.

On this day I will identify my feelings and focus on my own needs, I will practice balance with my responsibilities to others and my responses to the situations I face.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

We’ve recently launched a series of blog posts written by anonymous ACA members for you to read. Each week we have a new...
03/16/2026

We’ve recently launched a series of blog posts written by anonymous ACA members for you to read. Each week we have a new submission that covers the teachings of ACA.
Read the full blog post here: https://tinyurl.com/4rxn2bzs

Want to submit an article of your own? Learn about our submission requirements here: https://tinyurl.com/rx8zcu2c

Fear of Authority
03/16/2026

Fear of Authority

03/15/2026

Promise Three

“Fear of authority figures and the need to ‘people-please’ will leave us.” BRB p. 591

As children, from infancy through our teen years, we were surrounded by authority figures. This included our family, babysitters and teachers – those who traditionally deserved respect. But many of these people took advantage of our respect for authority by intimidating us into a submissive role. Our natural tendency to please was exploited by the unreasonable demands placed on us.

As adults, our need to people-please took a darker turn and robbed us of our ability to enjoy life. Always seeking to please others, we were left waiting for our turn at getting our needs met.

In ACA, the edges of the puzzle of how we became people-pleasers slowly start to become clear. We begin to free the roots of our people-pleasing habit from the soil of our childhoods. In its place we plant brand new seeds of hope.

Consistent work in our program allows our insight, clarity, and freedom to flourish. No longer fearful of authority and under the compulsion to please, we are emancipated to decide for ourselves whom we need to fear and whom we choose to please.

On this day I will continue working the ACA program to further unearth the deep roots of my fear of authority and people-pleasing. I choose to be free of any hold they still have over me.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

03/14/2026

Cross Talk

“In ACA, each person may share his or her feelings and perceptions without judgment from others…. As part of creating that safety, we ask that group members avoid cross talking.” BRB p. 342

When we start attending meetings, we may be confused about the reasons for the “No Cross Talk” rule. This can feel like a difficult rule to follow, especially when someone is crying. Don’t they need to be helped and comforted? But we’re told that this is “fixing,” which is a skill so many of us mastered as children.

In ACA, we learn that the no cross talk rule is a sacred element of what makes the program work so well. By honoring one another with our full attention when we share, we are all getting something we didn’t have access to growing up in dysfunctional families: attention. This is a great gift, being allowed to express ourselves without reserve. When no one interrupts or tries to comfort us, we can feel respected – no one is judging us. And when others are speaking, we listen and learn from their lessons. If we’re uncomfortable and want to “fix” them, we stop and think about why we’re feeling that way.

By showing up in meetings, sharing our honest experiences, and listening silently to others, we participate in the heart of what makes the program successful. This practice makes us stronger together.

On this day I will listen quietly in a meeting when someone else shares their experience, strength, and hope. I feel good knowing I will get the same respect from others.

© ACA WSO INC.

The Promises - by working the program we can see the promises coming true for us. Get the printable PDF list here: http...
03/13/2026

The Promises - by working the program we can see the promises coming true for us. Get the printable PDF list here: https://tinyurl.com/mrxnk937

03/13/2026

Change

“We become open-minded to the idea that we can change with time and with help.” BRB p. 9

Most of us have heard the saying, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” In other words, nothing will change until we make a change.

We may have read all the books and made attempts at change, but nothing stuck for long. A big reason it didn’t work is that we were probably trying to do it alone. We told ourselves that we didn’t need to talk to others about anything; we just had to try harder. And when we hit a wall with whatever new thing we were trying, we found some justification for quitting.

So nothing really changed until we gave ourselves permission to walk into our first ACA meeting. That is where we discovered the power of the group – a mix of new faces with familiar stories. We listened to some say how difficult it was to work on change, and that change takes time. This might have made us run the other way, except that it was followed by talk of how rewarding it is to make even baby steps of change. Because we want that same experience, we keep coming back. Not doing it alone makes all the difference in the world.

On this day I will remember that I deserve my own change and that I never have to go it alone again.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

Overly Responsible
03/12/2026

Overly Responsible

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1901 E 29th Street
Signal Hill, CA
90755

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