ACA WSO

02/25/2026

Recovering Victim

“If we overstate our wrongs and beat ourselves up, we tend to drift into an attitude of martyrdom, or we assume the victim posture.” BRB p. 197

Without the leveling perspective of Step Five, many of us would either minimize our wrongs or overstate them. By choosing the second option, we tell ourselves that we deserve the abuse for the wrongs we did. But that statement is a carryover from our childhood abuse.

A part of us had lived with both excitement and fear at the possibility of getting beaten up emotionally again. The feeling of helplessness was familiar because we had only felt loved when negative attention was heaped on us again and again as children.

Some of us only got attention while we were being sexually abused or beaten. We needed to believe we deserved this treatment to survive. There was no other option but to lie about what was really happening in our families.

Today we learn to accept our reality, both past and present. What happened to us as children was not our responsibility, but what we do today is. However, we do not have to take abuse to right the wrongs. With the help of neutral third parties, in the form of our ACA fellow travelers, we change to new rules. If others become angry, we let them take care of themselves. We choose to love ourselves and to be loved by those who have the capacity to do so.

On this day I am no longer a victim. I put myself first and make healthier choices that keep me grounded.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

02/24/2026

✍️ Calling ACA Writers — ComLine Blog Submissions Are OPEN!

It’s back! 🎉
The ComLine Blog is officially up and running again — featuring new recovery stories and inspiring articles created by ACA members, for ACA members.

This is an open invitation to share your experience, strength, and hope with our worldwide fellowship. Your words matter. Your story can help someone feel less alone.

📖 Take a few minutes to read, reflect, and connect with what’s already been shared:
👉 https://adultchildren.org/blog/

📝 Want to contribute?
The submissions portal is now open, and we’re excited to welcome member writing again. If you previously submitted an article that wasn’t published, you’re warmly invited to resubmit using the revised submission form.

Before submitting, please be sure to review the guidelines so your piece is aligned with ComLine’s purpose and format.

💛 This is another way we carry the ACA message — one voice, one story, one shared truth at a time.

📬 Learn more and submit your article here:
👉 https://adultchildren.org/comline-submission/

02/24/2026

Isolating

“Being adult children, we have learned to endure colossal amounts of abuse and aloneness that only we understand.” BRB p. 68

As adult children, we often forget that isolating is as natural to us as breathing. We may not even realize that we are doing it. Our first reaction to pain is usually to hold it inward, waiting until we are in agony before we tell someone else or reach out for help.

The tools of the ACA program help us to come out of our isolation and begin to form new habits. When something scares or upsets us, we can go to a meeting or call our sponsor. When we share how we feel in meetings, we look around the room and often see heads nodding in agreement. The feelings we were too ashamed to admit become not so bad after all as we realize we are not alone. Our black-and-white thinking may even be causing us to see things as much worse than they really are.

We have felt alone for a long time, but we don’t need to feel that way anymore. By working the ACA program, we can place our trust in a Higher Power and know that we will be safe in turning our pain over. We can let go of the need to isolate.

On this day I will remember that I don’t have to suffer in silence. I have a program that is helping me learn to break my habit of isolation.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

02/23/2026

These traits may have been adaptive at the time, but have now come to substantially disrupt our lives.

We recover by “working our program.” This means attending ACA meetings and working the Twelve Steps. The Steps are not meant to be worked in isolation, which is why we work with more experienced members, a twelve step group, and/or our fellow travelers (others in ACA).

02/21/2026

Solution – Gentleness

“We learn to reparent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love, and respect.” BRB p. 590

How do we reparent ourselves with gentleness if roughness or even cruelty was a staple of our childhoods? As we grew, we may not have felt capable of kindness toward ourselves because our critical inner parent was always in our heads saying things like “You fool! Your life’s a mess! And you’re to blame!”

But we knew we wanted to treat ourselves better; we wanted desperately to have an inner voice shift to something kinder, like “Have a cup of tea with me and tell me what’s wrong.”

In ACA we learn that if we can catch our critical inner parent at work, we can shift gears and try to do the opposite. When we feel criticized, we can hit the “Whoa!” button and stop ourselves from joining in the frenzy. We can tell ourselves “I can’t do better than my best, so I will simply do my best right now.” We can even teach ourselves techniques that help calm us down in these situations, like changing our visual image of another person from someone who is menacing to perhaps a kindly cartoon character. Something this simple can help us get through the critical patches.

On this day I will treat my Inner Child and myself to twenty minutes alone over a fresh cup of tea or a glass of juice so we can just listen to each other.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

02/20/2026

Change

02/20/2026

Who were our mirrors? It was the people who told us in words and actions how unwanted, bothersome, or stupid we were. We tried to do what they wanted, but it was usually never enough. Any approval we got was conditional. And it evaporated if we let down our guard by not getting perfect grades, not taking care of our siblings the right way, or not doing the housework well enough.

We didn't know who we really were because our identity was whatever they told us it was.

What brings most of us to ACA is that we eventually get tired of trying, isolating, and stuffing our feelings. This is where we learn to accept that our parents and families are never going to be like the ones on television or down the street. Instead of continuing to recreate the rejection and abandonment we received as children, we learn to love and affirm ourselves. Our sponsors and fellow travelers tell us to accept only what is good, and if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. We keep following these suggestions repeatedly until we notice we are no longer who we were once told we had to be. We are strong and independent.

On this day I define who I am. I am good, and I accept only what is good and healthy in my life.

Excerpt from Daily Affirmations: Strengthening My Recovery.

Get your copy here: https://adultchildren.org/strengthening-my-recovery/

02/19/2026

Isolation and Grieving

“Isolation is our retreat from the paralyzing pain of indecision. This retreat into denial blunts our awareness of the destructive reality of family alcoholism and is the first stage of mourning and grief.” BRB p. 82

Isolation is a way of protecting ourselves from the grief of our childhoods. We were alone and we had no one who “got us.” Protecting ourselves through isolation is common among ACAs. Whether we attend meetings, do Step work, go to retreats or just hang around meetings, we can do all of these things and still protect ourselves from the conscious, deeper knowledge of our losses. In an effort to avoid grief, we can share superficially or not at all. We can get to the meeting late and leave as soon as it closes. So even in recovery, we can remain alone as a way of not allowing ourselves to get in touch with the pain of our grief.

Yet, this isolation can be a part of the grieving process, and we are entitled to stay isolated as long as we need to in order to feel safe. Though it seems contradictory, as fellow travelers, the best that we can do for someone who is isolating is to allow them to grieve in the way they need to as long as it doesn’t create an unreasonable distraction to the meeting. There is no timetable.

On this day I will give myself permission to grieve in my own way. If I’m isolating, I will be gentle with myself and be where I need to be until I’m ready to reach out.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.

02/18/2026

02/18/2026

The Twelve Steps of Adult Children, Steps Workbook is a workbook for individuals or groups who wish to explore the ACA Twelve Steps in their journey to uncover and heal childhood wounds created by living with caretakers who were alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional.

Order your copy here: https://adultchildren.org/twelve-steps-of-adult-children/

02/18/2026

Abandonment

“If the family withdraws support, this might feel new, but in reality the abandonment has always been there.” BRB p. 406

On our journey in ACA, at some point we realized we were alone again. We had always felt this way, but never allowed ourselves to face the truth. As we make space for our Higher Power, we allow the fear and pain to pass through us. We begin to see that the universe is a safe place for us, and that by facing our loneliness, we can become whole. We take this inward journey with the help of our sponsors and fellow travelers who have done so before us and who can share their experience, strength, and hope.

We let our dysfunctional families fade in the distance, and we move into new, healthier relationships where we get our needs met. We stop trying to replace our parents with people who wear different masks. Although such relationships might temporarily feel good, they soon come crashing down as we see them for what they are: ugly, messy and codependent.

We realize we may slide back once in a while, because recovery is rarely a straight line. But we are learning to pull out of our nosedives faster and with more grace. There is no need to go down with the ship anymore.

On this day I will allow that which is dead to be what it is. I will take whatever time I need to fully grieve and then move on.

© COPYRIGHT ACA WSO INC.