12/07/2025
‼️Misunderstood, Not Difficult
🌱A Neurodivergent Story That Might Resonate:
I’m a mom, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a licensed provider. I am someone with education, training, language, and access to resources. But even I fell through the cracks. I had moments where I felt frustrated that I didn’t recognize it sooner. And it wasn’t because I didn’t have loving caregivers or dedicated educators along the way. Screening and diagnosis did exist back then, but the awareness, the training, and the cultural conversations just weren’t where they are now. Neurodivergence wasn’t recognized or understood the way we are fighting for it to be today.
In the 90s and early 2000s, struggles were usually labeled as:
“They need to focus more.”
“They just need to try harder.”
“They talk too much.”
“They are being difficult.”
“They don’t care enough.”
“They refuse to sit still and listen.”
“They’re being dramatic.”
What they needed was someone to say, “Your brain works differently, and here’s how we can support you.”
The truth is, this still happens today. Kids are still being misunderstood or overlooked, even with the tools we have now. But we do have more resources, more language, more awareness, and more opportunities to intervene earlier.
This is a big part of why I’m sharing this. I want fewer people to go without support, to feel misunderstood, or to spend years believing something is wrong with them, when really their brain just works differently. They deserve understanding, not judgment.
For me, clarity began to show up in early adulthood. I noticed that what seemed to be a simple expectation for some felt over complicated and draining. It would take more time than I had and high levels of mental, emotional, or physical energy. I compared myself. I felt ashamed. I felt anxious and defeated. All of this was happening while I was juggling full-time school, full-time work, and full-time motherhood. The emotional, physical, and mental toll of pushing through was something I could not ignore anymore.
When I finally received the correct neurodivergent diagnosis, it did not change who I was. It changed how I understood myself.
A lot of people are talking about neurodivergence, identity, and mental health right now. And honestly, it makes sense. Many adults grew up without language for their experiences. We adapted, masked, over-achieved, and shut down. We survived by camouflaging instead of understanding ourselves.
If you have recently gotten a diagnosis, or your child has, I want you to know this:
You do not need to fix yourself. You need a soft place to land. You need someone who listens, who sees you, and who supports you in ways that actually fit your brain.
Here are a few research-supported ways to find help and build the right support system:
Seek providers who have training and experience with neurodiversity-affirming care.
Explore accommodations that fit real life, such as predictable routines/schedules, extended time, chunking tasks, movement breaks, visuals, pairing verbal and written communication, or sensory-friendly environments.
Look for community, either online or locally, with people who truly understand or relate to what is being experienced. If you don’t know where to start and it feels overwhelming, I get it. I want to walk with you as you find appropriate support.
Let yourself feel the mix of relief, grief, clarity, and “why didn’t anyone notice” that often comes with a late diagnosis.
Experiment with coping tools that match individual needs. This might look like adjusting the environment, paying attention to what drains energy versus what restores it, using sensory supports, or adding external structure through timers, apps, organizers, and visual reminders. It can also include body doubling with someone who sits with you or them in person or virtually while working, along with physical outlets, creative activities, and strategies that support mental and emotional well-being.
If you are parenting a newly diagnosed child, please know you are not behind. You are responding with more tools and more understanding than you had before. You are showing them that their brain is not broken. Their brain and body simply need something different, and different does not mean less.
With care,
Alyssa
APH Counseling, LLC
www.aphcounseling.org
