Tony Boer Coaching

Tony Boer Coaching Licensed Therapist & Clini-Coach, Tony Boer — Helping couples for over 15 years in their marriages.

12/06/2025

We don’t like to talk about it, but it’s true: beauty fades.
No matter how attractive we are in our 20s, 30s, or 40s… time will eventually change all of us.

But the heart?
The heart shows who a person really is when life gets hard.
It reveals how they treat you when they’re stressed, how they speak to you when no one’s watching, and how they show up when they don’t feel like it.

A lasting relationship isn’t built on physical attraction — it’s built on kindness, empathy, emotional safety, and shared values.

Choose someone whose character will still feel beautiful 40 years from now.
And just as importantly… become that kind of person for them too. ❤️

Follow .marriagecast for more relationship wisdom and marriage conversations that matter.

It’s wild how often conflict has nothing to do with who’s right.What people really want is to feel understood, valued, a...
12/06/2025

It’s wild how often conflict has nothing to do with who’s right.
What people really want is to feel understood, valued, and safe enough to express what’s underneath the surface.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do for your partner is pause, breathe, and say:
“I’m listening. Help me understand.”

When we feel heard, we soften.
When we feel understood, we open up.
And when we feel safe, we communicate differently.

What would shift in your relationship if listening became the priority?

Are you really listening, or just waiting for your turn to speak? 🤔So many of us think we’re “good listeners,” but habit...
12/03/2025

Are you really listening, or just waiting for your turn to speak? 🤔

So many of us think we’re “good listeners,” but habits like planning your response, interrupting, or judging can block true connection.

Swipe through to see 3 signs you’re not really listening and learn simple ways to improve your communication. 💬
Because better listening = deeper relationships, less conflict, and more understanding. 💛

12/02/2025

One of the most common questions I get in therapy: “How do I rebuild trust?” 💭
Here’s my answer: you don’t rebuild trust by begging, explaining, or promising. You rebuild it by being radically different and showing up as a better version of yourself every single day.
Consistency, integrity, and growth are what people notice—and what restores trust.

So many couples compare their relationship to an idea that isn’t even real.I see it every day in therapy — couples walk ...
11/20/2025

So many couples compare their relationship to an idea that isn’t even real.

I see it every day in therapy — couples walk in feeling like they’re “failing,”
but the truth is this:
They’re not failing… they’re just believing myths about what a healthy relationship should look like.

Healthy relationships still have conflict.
They still have misunderstandings.
They still require communication, effort, repair, and accountability.

What makes a relationship strong isn’t perfection —
it’s two people willing to learn, grow, and unlearn the patterns that hold them back.

If you’ve ever found yourself believing any of these myths, you’re not alone.
And you’re not broken.
You’re just human. And you can absolutely build something healthier.

If this resonated, share it with someone who might need the reminder today. 🖤
And follow .tonyboer for more therapist-backed insights.

And I get it.We imagine that time, vacations, milestones, or “next chapters” will naturally soften the edges in our rela...
11/16/2025

And I get it.
We imagine that time, vacations, milestones, or “next chapters” will naturally soften the edges in our relationships. But the truth I see every day in the therapy room is this:

✨ Relationships don’t improve with time. They improve with intention.

The moments that change us aren’t always big or dramatic.
They’re the quiet choices:

– choosing patience when you’re both tired
– choosing curiosity instead of defensiveness
– choosing to pause the argument so you can return as teammates
– choosing honesty even when it’s awkward
– choosing repair instead of resentment

Healing isn’t loud.
It’s a slow, steady commitment to showing up a little differently than you did yesterday.

If things feel heavy, messy, or stuck, it doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human — and you’re being invited to grow in ways that matter.

💛 One small shift can change the direction of your whole relationship.

In therapy, I don’t fix people.I help them find the parts of themselves they stopped believing were worth saving.Because...
11/12/2025

In therapy, I don’t fix people.
I help them find the parts of themselves they stopped believing were worth saving.

Because most of the time, people don’t come to therapy broken — they come disconnected.
Disconnected from their worth, their voice, their inner peace, their sense of safety.

The work isn’t about “fixing” — it’s about remembering.
Remembering that even the parts of you that feel messy or hard to love are still yours — and still worthy of compassion.

Healing isn’t becoming someone new; it’s returning to who you’ve always been underneath the pain. 🤍

💭 Save this post if you needed that reminder today — or share it with someone who’s learning to see their worth again.

10/29/2025

So many couples struggle to talk about intimacy without it turning into a fight. The truth? The worst time to talk about s*x is when you’re already upset about it.
Every couple has mismatched needs sometimes—that’s not the real problem. The problem is when we stop talking about it.
Building connection starts with open, compassionate communication. When we can name our needs without blame, we can start to heal together. ❤️

🎧 Watch more from .marriagecast

Life gets busy. Between work, kids, chores, and a never-ending to-do list, it’s easy to go a whole week without truly pa...
10/20/2025

Life gets busy. Between work, kids, chores, and a never-ending to-do list, it’s easy to go a whole week without truly pausing to check in with each other. 🫶

That’s why starting the week with a quick, intentional conversation can make such a difference. ✨
Asking just a few thoughtful questions can help you:
✅ Stay emotionally connected
✅ Get ahead of challenges before they build up
✅ Celebrate wins and support each other better

Here are 5 simple check-in questions to try with your spouse each week:
1️⃣ How are you really feeling as we start this week?
2️⃣ What’s one thing you’re looking forward to?
3️⃣ Is there anything you need extra support with?
4️⃣ How can we make time to connect this week?
5️⃣ Is there anything left unspoken from last week?

❤️ These conversations don’t have to be long — even 10 minutes can set the tone for a more connected, intentional week together.

👉 Save these questions and make them part of your weekly rhythm.
Which one resonates with you most?

10/10/2025

Do you have that one person you can be completely real with?

For some people, it’s a “beers and fears” guy — someone they can sit down with, open up, and share what’s really going on in life. For others, it’s a coffee and confession buddy.

For me? I’m not a big coffee or beer drinker. My version looks a little different: a Red Bull and a real conversation.

It doesn’t matter what’s in your hand — what matters is who’s across from you. Find that person who lets you take off the armor, talk honestly, and just be you. And if you don’t have one yet… maybe it’s time to become that person for someone else.

Who’s your “Beers & Fears” person? Tag them below or share how you stay real with your friends.

💬 Communication can make or break a marriage.Sometimes, it’s not the big fights that cause distance — it’s the little mi...
10/08/2025

💬 Communication can make or break a marriage.
Sometimes, it’s not the big fights that cause distance — it’s the little mistakes we make in everyday conversations.

Here are 3 communication mistakes to avoid if you want to build connection instead of conflict. ❤️

👉 Take a look through the list and be honest…
Which mistake do you see the most? 👇

10/06/2025

If you want to see growth in your marriage, think about it like an investment. 📈
Just like the stock market, what you get out is usually a reflection of what you put in.
If the “rate of return” in your marriage feels low, maybe it’s time to take an honest look at how much you’re really investing—your time, attention, love, and intentionality. ❤️

Healthy marriages don’t happen by accident—they grow through daily deposits of love and commitment.

What’s one small way you can invest in your marriage this week?👇

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