Tony Boer Coaching

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Tony Boer Coaching

Licensed Therapist & Clini-Coach, Tony Boer — Helping couples for over 15 years in their marriages.

01/29/2026

We live in a culture that emphasizes appearance…
but strong relationships are built on something much deeper.

Looks might attract you to someone,
but it’s their character, emotional safety, values, and heart that determine whether love will last.

In our latest .marriagecast episode, we talk about why going beyond the surface and truly seeing the heart of your spouse is essential for healthy, lasting connection.

Because the question isn’t just, “Are they attractive?”
It’s, “Are they safe? Are they kind? Are they consistent?”

Those are the qualities that sustain a marriage. 🤍

01/27/2026

A lot of people think healing should just “happen.”
But the truth is, healing is something you learn — just like communication, emotional regulation, and healthy boundaries.

That’s why this quote resonates so deeply:
“Healing is a skill — therapy teaches it.”

Therapy isn’t about fixing what’s broken.
It’s about building skills for healthier relationships, stronger emotional resilience, and a more grounded life.

And everyone deserves access to that kind of growth. 🌱

01/23/2026

Call me at 605-217-0261 to attend! We are going to have a lot of fun!

01/22/2026

I am doing a marriage workshop! Call to register!!

01/21/2026

After years of counseling, one pattern keeps repeating itself.

People come in saying they’re anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck…
But underneath it all, they’re really asking:
Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? Where am I going?

We don’t just need less stress —
we need meaning, purpose, and direction.

When those are named and nurtured,
people don’t just survive — they begin to heal.

🎙️ Follow .tonyboer for honest conversations about growth, healing, and connection

01/19/2026

Most resentment doesn’t come from what was said —
it comes from everything that wasn’t.

When hard conversations are avoided,
resentment steps in and starts talking for you…
through tone, distance, sarcasm, and withdrawal.

Healthy relationships don’t avoid hard things —
they face them early, honestly, and with care.

Talk about it now,
before resentment changes how you love.

➡️ Follow .tonyboer on Instagram for honest conversations about marriage & connection

01/11/2026

Arguments are inevitable in close relationships—but disconnection doesn’t have to be.

Most couples focus on winning the argument instead of repairing the relationship. Repair isn’t about erasing what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about restoring safety, trust, and connection after things went sideways.

Here’s what repair actually looks like:
• Pausing before continuing the conversation so emotions can settle
• Owning your part without defensiveness
• Clarifying what you meant while still honoring how it landed
• Validating your partner’s experience before explaining yours
• Asking what would help them feel reconnected
• Reassuring each other that you’re on the same team

Healthy relationships aren’t conflict-free—they’re repair-rich.

If you’ve ever thought, “We keep arguing about the same things,” the issue might not be the conflict itself, but the lack of repair afterward.

🗣️ More conversations like this from .tonyboer

01/08/2026

Most people don’t need advice when they’re talking.
They need presence.

Healthy communication isn’t about having the right response—it’s about creating safety while someone is sharing their experience.

Three habits that immediately change the tone of a conversation:
1️⃣ Look them in the eyes to show you’re fully present
2️⃣ Don’t interrupt—even if you already know what you want to say
3️⃣ Validate their feelings before explaining your perspective

Validation doesn’t mean you agree.
It means you understand how something felt to them.

When people feel heard, defensiveness drops.
When defensiveness drops, connection grows.

These habits are simple—but they take intention. And when practiced consistently, they transform relationships.

01/05/2026

A new year brings hope—but it can also bring pressure to “do things better.”

Instead of focusing on fixing everything, start by reconnecting with each other.

Healthy marriages grow through small, intentional moments:
• Reflecting on the past year without blame
• Listening more than correcting
• Sharing hopes instead of expectations
• Creating consistent check-ins
• Expressing gratitude often
• Committing to repair when conflict happens

You don’t need a dramatic reset to have a meaningful year together. You need presence, honesty, and a shared commitment to stay connected—even when it’s hard.

This year, don’t just set goals.
Set intentions for connection.

01/03/2026

Why Acknowledgment Is More Powerful Than You Think

Many couples think resolving conflict is about solving problems, giving advice, or “fixing” the other person. But often, the most powerful thing you can do is simply acknowledge your partner’s feelings.

Acknowledgment says: “I see you. I hear you. You matter.” It doesn’t mean you agree, and it doesn’t mean you have to fix anything — it just validates their experience.

Example:
Imagine your spouse comes home frustrated from work, feeling unappreciated. Your instinct might be to offer solutions: “Why don’t you just ask for a raise?” or “At least your team respects you.” But what they need most in that moment is acknowledgment:
“I can see why that would frustrate you. That sounds really tough.”

Notice how the conversation shifts. The tension softens. They feel safe, understood, and connected — and often, solutions come naturally afterward.

Acknowledgment builds trust, reduces defensiveness, and strengthens intimacy. Sometimes, it’s the smallest words that make the biggest difference.

💛 Next time your spouse seems upset, pause. Listen. Reflect. Acknowledge. You might be surprised by the ripple effect.

01/01/2026

2026 is here — and with it comes a chance to reset your relationship.

But a reset doesn’t happen by accident. It happens through reflection, intention, and small consistent actions.

Here’s a simple Relationship Reset Ritual to start the year connected and aligned:

1️⃣ Reflect Together
Look back on the past year. What moments brought you closer? Where did you feel disconnected? Share openly, without blame — curiosity is key.

2️⃣ Set Intentions, Not Resolutions
Instead of “fixing” each other, choose intentions like:
• Listening more deeply
• Celebrating small wins
• Practicing patience and grace

3️⃣ Daily Micro-Habits
Small habits matter:
• 5-minute daily check-ins
• One gratitude per day
• Non-sexual touch
• A curiosity question

4️⃣ Ritualize Appreciation
Celebrate your growth regularly:
• Weekly or monthly notes of appreciation
• Share three things you admire about each other
• End the week acknowledging what worked

A relationship reset isn’t about perfection.
It’s about choosing each other daily, noticing growth, and practicing connection intentionally.

Start small. Stay consistent. Make 2026 the year your relationship grows closer, stronger, and more connected 🤍

12/31/2025

The holidays can bring connection—but they can also bring pressure.

Pressure to attend everything.
Pressure to keep the peace.
Pressure to tolerate things that cost you emotionally.

Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away.
They’re about protecting what allows you to show up well.

You’re allowed to say no.
You’re allowed to leave early.
You’re allowed to create new traditions that support your mental and emotional health.

Healthy boundaries don’t take away from the holidays—they help make them meaningful.

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Sioux Falls, SD

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http://www.tonyboer.com/

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