11/08/2025
Going to try something different and hold myself accountable. If you know anything about my Capricorn ♑️ ass, it's that we really struggle with feeling the feelings.. as someone with Angel connecting abilities, I can connect and help anyone at anytime BUT when it comes to my own life and Angels it's different. Sometimes they come when I ask them too, sometimes not. It's the same thing I tell all my clients. If they aren't visiting (think of angel numbers, feathers, coins, butterflies, dream visits, etc) it's because you're in the thick of grieving. They will not visit in a dream if you are struggling because if they did, and you wake up, it's like losing them all over again and can do more emotional damage.
Now, for me - visits for me can be signs, yes... but mostly they'll be standing in my living room or kitchen or in the van or I'll hear them talking to me.
With my own personal losses - it's like I just expect them to be here when I feel that I need it.
That's not how any of this works, even for me.
I lost Bompa 7 months ago. He wasn't my biological father on Earth side this lifetime but he's always been. He's the only person to have loved me UNCONDITIONALLY, regardless of my own f**k ups and disappointments.
And since the end of March, I've only been able to connect to him maybe a total of 6 or 7 times. All when I NEEDED it and not on my own terms. On Bompas terms (as per real Paul Anthony Decker fashion)
I have the tendency to not vocalize my feelings.
You guys, that grieving energy gets trapped inside our bodies. If you didn't know, it can manifest into physical ailments (like broken heart syndrome, anxiety, body aches, organ issues, KIDNEY STONES etc)
Sometimes we just need to ride the waves of grieving emotion. One day you're fine, the next minute their favorite song comes on or you smell them, see a picture of them or hear their name and it hits you so hard it's like the day you lost them. And this can happen YEARS later.
So I'm going to scream when I need to. Cry when I need to. And grieve the loss of him. Even as a Psychic Medium.
I'm going to talk about him everyday. Say his name everyday.
Because he deserves to be acknowledged and remembered.
I cannot pretend he's just in Montana for the season or working a flea market out of state or hunting in the mountains.
I need to acknowledge the pain AND relief I feel knowing he's no longer fighting to breathe and walk and live.
I am holding myself accountable.
So if you see me tear up, smile or sobbing uncontrollably, just know - I'll be okay. I am just grieving and missing him here on Earth side.
Picture from July 2010 with his first great grandbaby, GusGus.
