Three Points Relationships

09/23/2024

👋 Meet the Facilitators! All workshop presenters are Certified Fair Play Method Facilitators with years of experience helping families.

Join us on October 5th for a transformative workshop making Fair Play work for YOU!

🌟Kate Engler, LMFT, CST - specialization in couples and relationship therapy
🌟Andrea Fullerton, LCSW, PMH-C, - specialization in perinatal and parental mental health; facilitator, peer group for new moms
🌟Nikki Goldwater, LCSW, R-PLC - specializion in perinatal mental health, the transition to parenthood, parents of medically complex children and parental leave coaching
🌟Alison Jamison - Owner Alison Jamison Coaching, Certified Life and Weightloss Coach, specialization in relationship and identity coaching
🌟Cara Pollard - Owner Cara Pollard Coaching, PCI® Certified Parent Coach, and Executive Coach
🌟Lori Sugarman-Li, Coach, Speaker, Children's Book Author - dedicated to fostering powerful conversations within families, encouraging them to contemplate how they care for one another and their shared space

REGISTRATION LINK IN COMMENTS

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09/04/2024

We’ve spent the last couple of weeks overcoming our toxic time messages and strategizing how to get started with Fair Play. Sometimes that little bit of knowledge is all it takes to make Fair Play work for you.

And other times - you want some more help.

Join me and 5 additional Fair Play Facilitators for an Exclusive Workshop: Making Fair Play Work for You!

This workshop is designed to help you and your partner achieve a more equitable division of labor at home, so you can focus on what truly matters. Whether you're juggling a demanding career, parenting, or personal projects, we’ll guide you through practical strategies to create a balanced and joyful home environment.

In This Workshop, You’ll Learn How To:

✅ Identify and overcome the common sticking points when implementing Fair Play

✅ Develop problem-solving skills to resolve your specific issues related to the method

✅ Communicate effectively with your partner to achieve lasting change

✅ Connect with others using Fair Play

Why This Workshop Matters:

Fair Play isn’t just about splitting chores—it’s about reclaiming your time, reducing resentment, and fostering a stronger partnership. Imagine a home life where tasks are shared fairly, and everyone feels valued and supported. That’s the power of Fair Play, and we're here to help you make it a reality.

You can join us for a full day or half-day. Check out the agenda to choose what will work for you.

🗓️ Date: Sat, Oct 5, 2024

⏰ Time: 9am-5pm (or for half the day)

📍 Location: Heartwood Center, 1818 Dempster St, Evanston, IL 60202

🎟️ Seats are Limited! Secure your spot now and start transforming your home life.

REGISTRATION LINK IN COMMENTD

08/19/2024

New workshop! Don't miss the early bird discount. Signup before 9/5! Get more info and register with the LINK IN COMMENTS.

03/13/2024

We live in a world that prefers black and white options for relationships. The ridiculous thing is that anyone who has ever been a relationship—especially one of the long-term variety—knows they are 100% not clear cut. Ever.

I am so excited to discuss creative relationship solutions this weekend at the Illinois Association for Marriage and Family Therapy conference!

IAMFT Annual Conference Presenter Spotlight: Discover more about our outstanding presenters this year! Please visit www.iamft.org for more information.

Beyond the Binary of Together or Apart: Creative Relationship Solutions.

Learn how to help clients understand that relationship structures change over time; guide them in planning for/adapting to this evolution; explore creative relationship solutions and assess the suitability of these options based on clients’ unique circumstances, values, and goals.

Kate Engler is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, AASECT certified s*x therapist, and Fair Play Method facilitator. Her private practice, Three Points Relationships, specializes in working with individual adults and couples with a primary focus on romantic relationships. She is currently working on a book about Gen X relationships.

02/12/2024

Why on earth would anyone choose a partner that does the things we hate most? Couldn’t we all just choose someone that doesn’t p**s us off? Logic would say, “Yes, of course!” However, we all know, logic rarely plays a role in matters of the ❤️.

Most of us actually choose someone that specifically pushes our most sensitive buttons. 😕

Are we all just a bit sadistic? No! (Well, I mean, maybe you are but that's another discussion.)

When we get interested in a new partner, what we think is chemistry is usually a much more complicated, unconscious process at work. 🧐

While it can show up as button-pushing and frustration, understanding the process can actually lead to deeply satisfying and connected relationships.

WANT TO LEARN MORE? 🔏Click the link in the comments below to learn about our new workshop, RELATIONSHIP BASICS: WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN TAUGHT BUT WEREN'T

01/23/2024

Join us for our new workshop: Relationship Basics! Link to registration in comments.

04/14/2022

Listen, everyone is exhausted, right? That makes it feel impossible to figure out the tough, sticky stuff in a relationship, such as how to divide up all the s**t that has to get done. You don't need to figure this out on your own! Save your energy and let me show you a system that is ready to go. We'll go over major concepts of the system and how to get started.

The workshop is NEXT WEEK--Thurs. 4/21 @ 7:00 pm on Zoom. Make sure to sign up here: https://threepointsrelationships.com/event/intro-to-fair-play/. You will get a link the day before the event.

Please share with anyone you know who is struggling with these issues in their relationship.

04/05/2022

EDIT: The link is fixed for anyone who tried to register and couldn't.

For anyone whose relationship is suffering due to balancing all of the labor required to run your household and your life, next month’s workshop is for you!

The Fair Play Method is a time-and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities.

In this workshop, you will learn about:

✔️The toxic time messages that our culture has fed us and their negative impact on everyone.
✔️Boundaries related to household labor and what gets in the way of upholding them.
✔️CPEs (Conception, Planning, and Ex*****on), MSCs (Minimum Standard of Care) and RATs (Randomly Assigned Tasks)
✔️Assessing your readiness for Fair Play

REGISTER HERE: https://threepointsrelationships.com/event/intro-to-fair-play/

Fair Play Life

03/08/2022

I really love getting flowers, and getting them from the three dudes in my household to celebrate International Women’s Day is wonderful!!! However, they are really only meaningful to me because they come with a commitment to: 1) equitable division of labor and caregiving in our household; 2) actively working to identify and fight casual s*xism; 3) full support of me making space for myself in order to be a whole person🦄; and 4) my husband being a partner who goes against the model of being a man that he saw growing up (and still very much exists in our world) in order to be a new kind of role model to our boys (even when it’s uncomfortable)—one that is vulnerable, emotionally intelligent, and values caring for others. ❤️ Love you B, M & W!

10/12/2021

I am thrilled and honored to be part of the first cohort of the Fair Play Method Facilitators. 🦄🙌

Fair Play is “a time-and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities,” but also SO MUCH MORE!

It is:
*A tool to improve relationship functioning and satisfaction
*An approach for unlearning damaging cultural messages about the value of our work and our time
*A system for creating equity inside and outside of our homes
*A movement to change cultural norms
*An advocacy mechanism for people whose contributions to society have been devalued and dismissed
*A well-researched (and validating) explanation for why we are all so f*& exhausted

Stay tuned to our social media or sign up for monthly newsletters on our website to get updates on upcoming Fair Play Method offerings.

10/06/2021

My friend sent me this lovely poem. It just feels appropriate for this moment we are in. Thank you for these words, John Roedel (johnroedel.com)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my brain and
heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become

eventually,
they couldn't be
in the same room
with each other

now my head and heart
share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week

and my heart
gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

- instead, they give me

the same note to pass
to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:

"This is all your fault"

on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future

they blame each
other for the
state of my life

there's been a lot
of yelling - and crying

so,

lately, I've been
spending a lot of
time with my gut

who serves as my
unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage
and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut's plush leather chair
that's always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up

last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head

I nodded

I said I didn't know
if I could live with
either of them anymore
"my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,"
I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

"I just can't live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,"
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:
"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"

I was confused
- the look on my face gave it away

"if you are exhausted about
your heart's obsession with
the fixed past and your mind's focus
on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs

there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale

there is only this moment
there is only breath

and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."

this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves

and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock

she opened the door

with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said

"what took you so long?"