12/08/2025
I had a dream.
I had plans.
I had images in my head of how life would be.
All that is gone now. Itās dark here in my corner again. Itās adjustment time. Itās acceptance time.
Adjusting to never having that dream again.
My plans are thrown out the window.
I canāt seem to even imagine what life will look like now.
Last week I made the hardest decision Iāve ever made due to my health. I decided that becoming a mom is not in my cards. My body has been through too much. But thatās not even what made me make my choice. I have a risk of passing my kidney disease on. I know I could not live with myself if I selfishly went through with my hopes and dreams and then my child ended up with this awful disease. I could not sit back and watch them suffer and go through all Iāve been through knowing it was because of me. When we found the cyst on my o***y, I knew I couldnāt keep putting this topic off. Iāll be meeting with the surgeon to figure out exactly how itās all going to go down.
This one is hard. This one hurts. A lot. Because if you know me then you know becoming a mother to my own child has ALWAYS been my dream since I was young.
Kidney disease has taken so much from my life but at the same time kidney disease has given me a lot in life.
Iāve given all the information I have and know. Thank you all for your love prayers and encouragement. Please understand if I donāt respond, I still appreciate you and I see your comments and reactions! š