02/25/2026
Weather accountability....
BREAKING: Punxsutawney Phil has been officially reassigned to Rhode Island for mandatory community service after the state was buried under more than 3 feet of snow. Officials say this is not punishment, it’s accountability.
After calling for six more weeks of winter, Phil has been handed a shovel and a sidewalk and informed he’ll be doing exactly that: six more weeks of shoveling.
Witnesses report snowbanks taller than the groundhog himself, narrowed sidewalks turned into frozen hallways, and Phil quietly realizing forecasts have consequences. No cameras. No shadow ceremonies. Just steel toed boots, an orange jumpsuit, and a long stretch of Rhode Island pavement. He called for winter. Now he’s working it off, one shovel full at a time.