Robin Gustine, Parent Coach

10/15/2021

Anyone who has ever received coaching from me knows that the enforceable statement is one of the first skills we work on mastering. That’s because it’s a COMPLETE game changer in a home where kids don’t listen (so, by that I mean every home!). Here are some good examples…

Enforceable Statements:
Effective People Never Set Limits Over Things They Cannot Control

10/01/2021

Love and Logic has been the cornerstone of my coaching approach since I got certified 15 years ago, because it works!

09/14/2021

These are heartfelt pledges that are often easier to make than to implement. If this parent's letter stirs up a desire in you but you don't know how to execute the promises, please reach out. I can help; you and your child don't have to stay stuck in the anger cycle.

How to fight for—not against—your teenager.

04/19/2021

DEPRESSION TIPS:

Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you gotta.

Moisturize everything. Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Dollar store lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis.

Put on clean, comfortable clothes.

Put on your favorite underwear. Cute black lacy panties? Those ridiculous boxers you bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? Put them on.

Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink.

Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s ramen. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.

Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, color some rocks with markers or paint, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create.

Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps.

Cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out, anything.

May seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive.

*** At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on.

***People don’t fake depression...they fake being ok.

National Su***de Prevention Lifeline
Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish. 800-273-8255

02/13/2021

I cannot say strongly enough how important it is for parents to embrace this truth. I know you’re tired, I understand your frustration, I feel your anxiety. Yet still I’m asking you to read this and let it resonate. It’s all going to be okay as long as we don’t sacrifice our relationships with our kids over their academic performance in this crazy, unprecedented scenario.

I’ve lost a year with my kids battling over school and I’m done.

My seven year old and I were in the midst of our usual asynchronous day battle. I had his writing homework in my hand from school. He’d written several full, well-thought-out sentences.

But he won’t do the same for me, at least not without a fight.

I told him he didn’t have to write about his best day like his teacher asked, he could write about his worst. He could write about whatever he wanted as long as he wrote a few sentences.

He said he’d get in trouble. He said he was doing a bad job in first grade. He was on the brink of tears but didn’t know why.

And it hit me.

Instead of getting frustrated and pushing the assignment, I sat down with him at his desk in his superhero bedroom.

I said “you won’t get in trouble and you can’t fail first grade. In fact, you’re kind of a superhero yourself.”

He sat up in his chair just a little and looked at me with disbelief.

I said, “Do you know that no kids in the history of kids have ever had to do what you’re doing right now? No kids in the history of kids have ever had to do school at home, sitting in their bedroom, watching their teacher on a computer. You and your friends are making history.”

A visible weight lifted from his seven year old shoulders, “What does that mean?”

I told him it means I haven’t given him nearly enough credit for rolling with the punches. I told him how proud I am of him and his friends. That kids this year are doing the impossible and they’re doing a really great job.

I apologized for not saying it sooner and more often. A little tear fell down his cheek.

We’ve thanked everyone from healthcare workers to grocery store employees but we haven’t thanked the kids enough for bearing the burden of what we’ve put on their shoulders this year.

We’ve said kids are resilient, and they are. But they are the real superheroes in this whole scenario for having ZERO say in their lives but doing their best to adjust every day.

We closed his school-issued laptop and spent the rest of the day playing. This was supposed to be temporary and here we are a year later still trying to hold our head above water.

This is our home and I won’t turn it into a battle ground anymore over something we can’t control. Something that no longer makes sense.

Hug your little superheroes today and don’t forget to cut them the slack we’ve given everyone else.

Join me in the trenches at Christine Derengowski, Writer !!

01/31/2021

Sound familiar? This is happening in the home of every one of my clients, with kids from 8-18. It’s hard, but there are solutions!

Yes I am smiling here but I want you to interpret this picture as the face of a crazy person. Here is a sampling of the wild swings I've taken this final week of the first semester:

"I am absolutely done worrying about your grades. Either YOU worry about them or you fail. I already finished 9th grade in 1989."

"Okay honey bunny! Let's make a list of everything missing and rank them in order of priority. We'll log them in your calendar so you know what to do every day! Stay on task! You can do it! We'll do it together! We got this!"

"That's it. I don't care. Pass or fail. This is up to you. I'm out. I'm not even looking at the student portal anymore."

"I see on the student portal that you haven't even started that alternative project. It replaces your lowest grade! Oh, I'll just do it myself. Move. I can't do 9th grade again."

"Fine. Repeat 9th grade. This is YOUR project to do or don't do. I am a 46 year old grown lady who already graduated from college. I am not responsible for 9th grade geography. I don't need to know where all the countries in the world are."

"WE CAN DO THIS! Let's print out the spreadsheets and make a checklist! Let's set up a work station at the dining room table so I can help you as you go! We are going to knock this out!"

"Just go back upstairs and pretend to work up there so I don't have to watch. Sure hope your teachers will accept TikTok hours in lieu of completed assignments. I am not investing anymore. I am not going to say one more word about school."

"LAST DAY TO TURN IN MISSING ASSIGNMENTS! YOU CAN DO IT! JUST WRITE ANYTHING DOWN AND HIT SUBMIT! ANY WORDS AT ALL! JUST ANSWER C! PLEASE GOD WE'LL TAKE A D-! WE'LL TAKE STRAIGHT D'S! D'S GET DEGREES! GOD IF YOU AREN'T LISTENING THEN I'LL MAKE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL! WHO WILL HELP US????"

And that is the story of why I locked myself in my bedroom last night with a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and a weighted blanket.

Fix it, Jesus.

09/14/2020

It's so important to be intentional abut how we use our time. If you are struggling with this, reach out - coaching can help!

08/22/2020

Join me Tuesday morning at 8:00 as I partner with Live Loudoun for a Coffee with the Coach where we will talk about how to manage distance learning with confidence.