Robyn Watchorn Newbrey, LLC

02/13/2026

02/13/2026

Kelly is married to Dylan and in the last 5 years, she’s developed a shopping addiction. At first@she was in denial. It wasn’t until she was hiding Amazon packages from her husband and lying to him about money that she started thinking something was wrong.

Kelly’s husband works long hours in a hospital. She spends many nights alone watching tv and scrolling on her phone. She loves her husband, but they’re both overwhelmed with work. They’ve become strangers in way. They talk often about carving more time for each other, but life gets in the way.

Shopping gives Kelly an intense dopamine hit. Sometimes she just fills her cart for hours. Sometimes it’s just a quick moment on Amazon. She feels the impulse come up and she struggles to stop herself. Buying things gives her what she isn’t experiencing in her relationship: a feeling of being satisfied. She can’t put her finger on why, but she’s always felt alone. She’s always felt lonely, even as a child. The thrill of buying and trying new things is the only time her nervous system feels regulated. It’s the only time her mind is quiet and her thoughts aren’t ruminating.

But shame sets in quickly. She should be saving. Dylan has talked to her and she’s committed to budgeting. She knows she’s letting him down and when she does, sugar numbs the regret she feels. She shops, then she eats. Then she spends hours telling herself she’s worthless.

Kelly doesn’t understand how powerful the need for human connection is. When she shops, she’s not buying makeup or a new dress, she’s buying a tiny moment of feeling alive and connected to life. She feels almost nothing throughout the day, she’s dissociated. When she hits “buy now” life is hopeful again. When she walks into a store and buys things she tells herself she doesn’t need, she feels like she’s included in life— not just an outsider looking in.

Addiction is never about the substance. It’s the answer to a body that’s shut down or hypervigilant. It’s escape from pain and loneliness. It’s a miserable cycle, but it’s better than feeling nothing at all

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DBT Skills : Emotions/Emotion Regulation Module.
Emotions are crucial in navigating everyday life. Many of life's problems can be solved by better emotional awareness.

"I need a drink after that"
"The day I've had.."
"She made me so angry"
"He had such road rage .."
"It's like treading on eggshells coming home from
school/college/work''...

Emotional awareness is key to emotion regulation. Then not needing to change the way we feel with anger outbursts, unhealthy lifestyle choices :drink, drugs, feeding our feelings, overeating, spending, shopping, gambling, other forms of self harm.

Most of us have a more than reasonable grasp on emotional literacy.
We know that we need the so called ' negative emotions' as much as the feel good 'positive emotions'.
If we've never experienced sadness then we wouldn't know joy.
[ ie :the movie Inside Out and its sequel].
Yet still we go about our day, or many of us do - blaming external issues for rising levels of stress, overwhelm, reactivity.

'What is an overall goal for therapy?' we often ask new clients.
' Just to be happy' is the response we hear most of all.

It isn't possible or realistic to be happy all of the time.
We don't deal in fairytales. We're very direct.

A useful goal might be inner calm, fewer mood swings, learning to self soothe, self regulate, differentiate what can be changed and what can't. Finding out what the underlying issues might be , how the past and any subconscious patterns (ie: family of origin) might be sabotaging the present. Setting goals is then back in the client's court - once we've explored expectations.

Mindfulness has its place and is also part of DBT.
Yet mindfulness, yoga or meditation alone have limited value for deep seated issues that have been building momentum for years.

- like steam in a pipe as Marsha Linehan's DBT training suggests. They can be effective once the deeper work is done.

Many clients come to therapy /DBT for help with : sadness, anger,
low mood, volatile emotions, emotional vulnerability, feeling extra sensitive, outbursts at work, at home, anxiety, depression and more.

Solutions are often surprisingly straightforward once we know how.

[Image credit : Brene Brown who adapted the seminal work of Wilcox, Plutchik & Zinker]

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