03/19/2026
Another one!
With the breaking news of yet another Duggar being arrested and charged with child s*xual abuse, it’s worth revisiting what women inside IBLP (The Institute In Basic Life Principles) are actually up against.
IBLP is an international, fundamentalist cult founded by Bill Gothard, and the Duggar family has been their poster child for years.
As a survivor of the IBLP cult (you can hear my story in Season 1 of Shiny Happy People), as well as a survivor of childhood domestic violence and s*xual abuse, I’ve witnessed firsthand the immense barriers these women face.
One of the most common questions I see is:
Why do IBLP women often stay—even when they know their husband is a predator?
The answer is heartbreaking, but simple:
They’ve been conditioned to believe that endurance is faithfulness—and that leaving is sin.
Let’s break that down.
1. Abuse is often not named as abuse.
Within IBLP, the word “abuse” is nearly non-existent. When I came forward about being s*xually molested by my own father, it wasn’t called abuse—it was labeled “inappropriate behavior.” Sexual abuse is framed as a moral failure, not a crime, and therefore something to be handled within the church, not by authorities.
2. The outside world is portrayed as dangerous.
Anything “secular” is treated with suspicion or outright fear—this includes doctors, therapists, attorneys, social workers, law enforcement, and the court system. Women are told the government is eager to persecute Christian families and take their children away.
Because licensed professionals are considered unsafe, women are often limited to unlicensed “biblical counseling” or guidance from pastors and elders. Abuse is handled internally—sometimes through so-called “investigations”—while proper authorities are rarely involved.
3. Suffering is spiritualized.
IBLP teaches that victims should be grateful for their suffering. I was personally counseled by Bill Gothard to write a letter thanking my father for molesting me because it made me more “spiritually strong.”
Women who endure abuse or stand by their predator husband for years are often praised as godly and faithful. They are told that suffering well is their calling—that “marriage is sacrifice.” Mental health struggles like anxiety, depression, trauma responses, or PTSD are dismissed as spiritual weakness, bitterness, or a lack of faith.
4. Homeschooling is presented as the only safe option.
Women are taught that public school is dangerous and anti-God, and that sending their children there will lead them astray. If a woman leaves her husband, she may have to work—and that could mean placing her children in public school. For someone raised in this system, that prospect is genuinely terrifying.
5. Women are denied independence.
IBLP teaches that a woman’s role is to be a homemaker under male authority. Higher education and careers are discouraged or framed as spiritually dangerous. Women are taught they must live under the authority of a man—first their father, then their husband.
Leaving a marriage doesn’t just mean separation—it means stepping outside of everything they’ve been taught keeps them safe. Many genuinely believe that living independently will bring harm or even God’s punishment.
6. Birth control is forbidden.
Women are taught that “God opens and closes the womb,” and preventing pregnancy in any way is sinful. Even natural family planning is often discouraged. This means many women continue having children with abusive men—not because they want to, but because they’ve been taught they have no choice.
7. Sexual access is framed as a duty.
Women are taught it is sinful to refuse their husband s*x. They’re told that men cannot control their s*xual urges, and that withholding s*x may cause a husband to “stumble” into infidelity or po*******hy. As a result, women are often blamed for their husband’s behavior—even his abuse.
8. Leaving means losing everything.
IBLP practices both formal and informal shunning. Women are discouraged from forming relationships outside the belief system and are often cut off from anyone who leaves—including family.
For many women, leaving doesn’t just mean ending a marriage—it means losing their entire community, support system, and identity. The system is designed to keep them isolated and afraid.
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So let’s return to the question:
Why do they stay?
Because they’ve been taught that leaving isn’t an option.
Because they’ve been taught that if they just try harder, pray more, submit better—the abuse will stop and/or their predator husband will be redeemed.
This is an agonizing place to be.
This system was designed to trap women—to strip them of autonomy, voice, and choice.
These women do not need condemnation.
They need support. They need compassion.
Many of them are carrying the weight of responsibility for their own abuse, believing that if they had just been more godly, their husband would have been kind. Or if they’d just given him more s*x he wouldn’t have abused a child.
What these women need are safe, steady voices—people willing to gently offer truth:
That the abuse is not their fault.
That they can’t fix a predator.
That leaving is not a sin.
That God does not require their suffering.
That their children are not safer by staying—they are being harmed, too.
For those outside of IBLP, it’s important to understand:
This is not an organization promoting “old-fashioned family values”; it is a dangerous cult that creates, enables, and protects predators.
IBLP created a system of control—where women are not equal, and children are treated as tools for a larger agenda.
They created a system that protects abusers and silences victims.
And the only way out forces you to rethink everything you’ve been taught about God.
~ Emily Elizabeth Anderson
If this resonated, consider sharing. Conversations like this are often suppressed—but they matter.
