02/11/2026
Why Over-Givers Take the Blame
For over-givers, self-blame often feels easier than reality.
We second-guess ourselves.
We doubt our perceptions.
We assume we’re missing something.
We believe that if we just meet the right need, say the right thing, or become a better version of ourselves, we can finally earn the treatment we deserve.
But here’s the truth that changes everything:
You cannot heal a relationship by over-functioning for someone who is under-functioning.
You cannot make someone respectful by abandoning yourself.
And you cannot turn self-betrayal into safety.
Taking responsibility for someone else’s harmful behavior isn’t empowerment—it’s a survival strategy learned long ago.
And unlearning it is part of coming back into Authentic Alignment. Coming back home to yourself.
-Dara Mud
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