03/18/2026
I always laugh when I read this…
Dear tourist,Please do not ask our waiter to do this.
We love you. We really do.
But some things happen at Italian restaurant tables every single day that make every waiter in Italy age three years at once.
This is my list.
1. DO NOT ORDER FETTUCCINE ALFREDO
We need to talk about this.
Fettuccine Alfredo does not exist in Italy as a restaurant dish.
It is something we make at home when we have a stomach problem. Butter and pasta. That is sick-day food.
When you order it at a restaurant in Rome, the waiter nods politely while a small part of him dies inside.
If a restaurant has it on the menu, it was put there for you. That tells you everything you need to know about that restaurant.
2. DO NOT ASK FOR PARMESAN ON SPAGHETTI ALLE VONGOLE
You are about to ruin one of the most perfect dishes Italy has ever created.
Spaghetti alle vongole is clams, white wine, garlic, parsley, olive oil. The sea. That is the dish.
Cheese on seafood is not a personal preference in Italy. It is a different category of problem entirely.
The waiter will bring it if you insist. He will not be okay.
3. CHICKEN DOES NOT GO ON CARBONARA
Carbonara is eggs, guanciale, pecorino, black pepper. That is it.
Chicken is not an ingredient. Chicken is a side dish. Chicken goes next to things, not on top of things.
Chicken carbonara is something that exists in other countries.
In Italy it is a crime that has not yet been formally classified.
4. DO NOT PUT ICE IN YOUR WINE
We understand you are warm. Italy in summer is very warm.
But ice in wine dilutes the wine, changes the temperature it was meant to be served at, and makes the whole glass water by the end.
If the wine is not cold enough, ask for it to be chilled. The waiter will help you.
Ice in wine is the kind of thing that travels through a restaurant kitchen in under thirty seconds.
5. DO NOT ORDER CAPPUCCINO TO WASH DOWN YOUR CARBONARA
You can drink a cappuccino at 4pm. We genuinely do not care anymore.
But ordering a cappuccino in the middle of a meal, specifically to drink alongside pasta, is a combination that confuses every part of the Italian digestive logic.
Cappuccino is breakfast. Milk after a meal is something we actively avoid.
The waiter will bring it. He will go back to the kitchen and say something we cannot repeat here.
6. EGGPLANT PARMIGIANA HAS EGGPLANT IN IT. THAT IS THE POINT.
It is called eggplant parmigiana because the main ingredient is eggplant.
Every week a tourist asks if it can be made without the eggplant, or orders it not realising what it is, or asks if there is a version with chicken instead.
There is no version with chicken instead.
It is eggplant. That is the dish. That has always been the dish.
7. SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE DOES NOT EXIST IN ITALY
In Bologna, the ragù is made with fettuccine. Fresh egg pasta. Wide, flat, soft — built to carry a slow meat sauce.
Spaghetti bolognese is something that happened outside Italy and then came back to haunt us.
Spaghetti is too thin and too smooth. The sauce slides off. It makes no sense.
If you order spaghetti bolognese in a real Italian restaurant, the waiter will probably bring you tagliatelle al ragù.
He is not making a mistake. He is correcting one.
8. THERE IS NO SALAD DRESSING
Italy does not have a bottle of ranch, caesar, thousand island, or honey mustard waiting in the kitchen.
Italian salad is olive oil, vinegar or lemon, salt. That is it. You dress it yourself at the table.
Asking the waiter what dressings are available will produce a pause that contains multitudes.
The answer is olive oil. The answer is always olive oil.
9. DO NOT ASK FOR PASTA WELL DONE
Well done is for steak. Not for pasta.
Pasta in Italy is served al dente — firm to the bite. This is not a preference. This is how pasta is cooked correctly.
Asking for it well done, or soft, or more cooked, is asking the chef to ruin the dish he just made.
He will do it if you insist. He will not enjoy doing it.
10. DO NOT ASK TO SUBSTITUTE THE PASTA SHAPE
The pasta shape on the menu was chosen for a reason. A wide flat pasta carries a meat ragù. A ridged short pasta holds a thick sauce. A thin spaghetti works with oil and clams.
Asking to swap the penne for spaghetti or the rigatoni for fusilli because you prefer it that way is asking the chef to break the logic of his own dish.
The shape is not decoration. The shape is part of the recipe.
11. DO NOT ASK FOR TAP WATER AT A RESTAURANT
In Italy, when you sit down, the waiter will ask: naturale o frizzante — still or sparkling.
That is your water. It comes in a bottle. You pay for it.
Asking for tap water — acqua del rubinetto — at a full restaurant is technically possible but will be met with a look that is difficult to describe.
If budget is a concern, buy a bottle of water from a tabacchi before you go in. Outside the restaurant, tap water from the free public fountains across Italy is excellent and completely normal to drink.
12. IF IT IS NOT ON THE MENU, DO NOT ASK
The menu is short because the chef decided what he cooks today.
Asking for something that is not there is asking the kitchen to stop and invent something for one table.
The answer is almost always no. It is not personal.
If nothing on the menu works for you, find a different restaurant. That is the honest solution.
13. DO NOT ASK IF EVERY DISH HAS A GLUTEN FREE VERSION
If you have coeliac disease, Italian restaurants take it seriously. Tell the waiter when you sit down and they will tell you exactly what is safe.
But asking the waiter to go through the entire menu dish by dish and confirm which ones can be made gluten free — for every pasta, every sauce, every possible combination — while other tables are waiting, is a different kind of request entirely.
Be specific. Ask once. They will help you.
14. DO NOT PAY FOR A €1,20 ESPRESSO WITH A CARD
The espresso at an Italian bar costs €1,20. Sometimes €1,50 in tourist areas.
Paying with a card for this is not wrong exactly. But it creates a transaction that costs the bar more in fees than the drink is worth, slows down a counter that moves on seconds, and produces a receipt that is longer than the drink took to make.
Italy runs on cash for small amounts. Carry coins. Use them at the bar. The barista will love you for it.
15. WE ARE NOT GOING TO BRING THE BILL UNTIL YOU ASK
You finish eating. You sit there. The waiter does not come with the bill.
He did not forget you. In Italy, bringing the bill without being asked means "please leave." No good restaurant wants to say that to a table.
When you are ready, catch his eye and say "il conto per favore."
He will bring it immediately. That is how this works.
16. WE ARE NOT IGNORING YOU
Italian waiters do not check on the table every four minutes.
We do not ask how everything is tasting.
We do not hover.
This is not rudeness. This is respect. You are eating. We are letting you eat.
If you need something, look up. We are watching the room. We will see you.
17. DO NOT ASK US TO TRANSLATE THE ENTIRE MENU
We are happy to help with one or two things.
"What is this dish?" — yes, absolutely.
"Can you explain every single item from the antipasti to the dolci?" — we cannot do this.
Point at what interests you. We will tell you what it is. That is the version of this that works.
18. THE MENU HAS AN ORDER. PLEASE USE IT.
Antipasto. Primo. Secondo. Contorno. Dolce.
This sequence exists for a reason.
Ordering tiramisu first, then a salad, then pasta at the end is a meal that makes no structural sense and a kitchen that does not know what it is building.
At least learn the basic order. You do not have to order every course. But the ones you order should go in the right direction.
19. ORDERING A "LATTE" WILL GET YOU A GLASS OF MILK
Latte means milk.
If you want coffee with milk, say caffè latte, or order a cappuccino.
If you walk into an Italian bar and order "a latte," the barista will hand you a glass of cold milk, say nothing, and watch you figure it out.
This has been happening every day for thirty years and it never stops being the same situation.
20. DO NOT ASK FOR KETCHUP WITH YOUR PASTA
It exists. It lives in our supermarkets.
It does not live on the table next to a plate of amatriciana.
The tomato sauce on your pasta was cooked for hours. It does not need assistance from a bottle.
We are not trying to make your meal complicated.
We are trying to give you the best version of what this table can be.
Meet us halfway.
