Alli Spotts-De Lazzer, LMFT, CEDS

Alli Spotts-De Lazzer, LMFT, CEDS Licensed Therapist | Speaker | Author
Self-Acceptance and Eating Disorders Specialist

Alli Spotts-De Lazzer is a licensed mental health therapist, eating disorders expert, author, and speaker with nearly two decades of experience. Her credentials include Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, Certified Eating Disorders Specialist (CEDS), and CEDS-Approved Consultant. She is the lead author of My Child Has an Eating Disorder: An Essential Guide for Parents of Kids, Teens, and Adults (Bloomsbury, in press), the author of MeaningFULL: 23 Life-Changing Stories of Conquering Dieting, Weight, & Body Image issues, and a contributor to Body Image and Self-Esteem. A Psychology Today columnist and frequent public speaker, Alli translates research-backed information into clear, accessible guidance for families and professionals. As such, she has been frequently quoted as an expert across major media outlets.

04/08/2026

My face changed in a moment… 👀

And it’s a reminder of how quickly appearance can shift—
which is why tying your worth to how you look can feel so unstable.

Self-esteem based on appearance can see-saw… a lot.

Over time, I’ve learned that:
✨ self-acceptance creates steadiness
✨ knowing your values gives you something solid to stand on
✨ who you are doesn’t change: how you look can change in a flash

What you build internally?
That’s what lasts 💛

04/07/2026

Hot take: High self-esteem might not be the goal 👀

We’re taught to build “high self-esteem”—
but self-esteem is just your opinion of yourself… and opinions can change. A lot.

Sometimes one’s opinion of oneself is low (even if you think they are amazing and awesome!)
Sometimes one’s opinion of oneself in unrealistically high.
Either way… they can wobble.

So what can actually keep you steady?

Self-acceptance
✨ knowing who you are beyond how you look
✨ staying grounded even when things change

Because life changes fast, and so our opinions of ourselves can, too.
This smashed face of mine happened in a second, but I still showed up for classes, committees, podcasts, and all sorts of stuff after. A messed-up face doesn’t affect what I have to share or learn.
Your worth, what you have to say, and who you are don’t have to wobble.
this (yes, even this 👀) changed in a moment.

04/06/2026

What if control isn’t actually making you feel safe? 👀

A lot of us think that if we just do everything “right,” we’ll finally feel okay.

But sometimes that control is actually…
an illusion of safety.

What if instead of relying on control, you started:
✨ getting to know yourself
✨ understanding what you actually need
✨ accepting what’s already there

Because if you stop forcing yourself into one narrow path, you might find there are more options than you thought 💭

Self-acceptance over control isn’t giving up—it’s opening up 💛

04/03/2026

If someone you love is struggling with eating, body image, or mental health issues, there isn’t necessarily a “right” thing to say.

What might help:
💬 listening without trying to solve it
💬 letting them feel heard, not corrected
💬 resisting the urge to give advice (unless they ask)
💬 staying present, even when it feels uncomfortable

It might not feel like “enough”…
but being someone who truly listens can make more of a difference than you think 💛

04/02/2026

Boundaries don’t have to be complicated… 👀

“Ouch.”

It might sound simple, but it communicates a lot:
✨ that something didn’t feel okay
✨ that a line was crossed
✨ that you’re paying attention to your own feelings
✨ that something felt bad to you

And the best part? You can say it however feels natural—
softly, directly, even a little playfully.

It’s not about having the perfect boundary script…
It’s about starting to notice and respond in a way that communicates you’re not OK about what happened, was said, etc. 💭

03/31/2026

What if anxiety isn’t the enemy… 👀

A lot of people try to get rid of anxiety as quickly as possible—
push it down, distract from it, make it go away.

But anxiety isn’t always something “bad.”
It can actually be information 🧠

It might be pointing to:
✨ something that feels unsafe or uncertain
✨ a boundary that needs attention
✨ a need that isn’t being met
✨ something your brain is trying to process
✨ or something else that might be important to you

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety—
sometimes it’s to understand what it’s trying to tell you 💭

03/30/2026

Big news… 👀

After nearly 20 years in private practice, I’m stepping into a new role—
I’ll be joining Antioch University Los Angeles as an adjunct faculty member.

Getting to bring real-world clinical experience into the classroom—and work with the next generation of therapists—feels incredibly meaningful 💛

And yes… I might be answering to “Professor Alli” now 😅

03/26/2026

“Bad habits” don’t just happen… 👀

They’re built—step by step, reward by reward.

Here’s what most people don’t realize:
Your brain is constantly creating habit circuits 🧠

That same brain that built “bad” habits can build new and better ones, too. Same process
—repeat!

It looks something like this (though wayyyyyyy simplified):
Thought or action happens, usually with some energy involved
✨ Reward (relief, comfort, control, etc.) happens/ is communicated
🔁 You repeat thought or action
✨ Reward repeated
🔁 You repeat, but it gets easier and takes less energy to make the thought or action happen overtime, it becomes “automatic”

That’s an explanation of how something that once helped can turn into a pattern that’s hard to break even when you want to break it!

So if you’re stuck repeating a habit you don’t like or want now, plesae don’t call yourself names or berate yourself. You might have formed a habit, and your brain did it well!

*Check out my article on Psychology Today:
Link in bio*

03/26/2026

Excited to have gotten the opportunity to review the Inclusive Eating Disorders
Specialist designation content. (And, I’m a newly minted IEDS.)

It’s an honor to discuss and collaborate alongside other respected professionals in the field-means so much, especially because this work matters.

The CEDS, which I’m chair of the committee for the iaedp Foundation, and the IEDS are different certifications, but are/will be somewhat complementary. If you start with one, it could be beneficial to self and clients to do both IMO.

More connection + more collaboration = better care.

03/24/2026

Not everything that looks like “discipline” is actually healthy or positive… 👀

Some behaviors get praised by society—routine, control, consistency—but underneath, they can be driven by anxiety, fear, or something deeper.

A few examples that can seem like discipline to an onlooker may be something more. Examples might include:
⚠️ OCD → rigid routines, needing things to feel “just right”
⚠️ Eating disorders → strict food rules, over-exercising, “clean eating”
⚠️ Anxiety disorders → over-preparing, constant planning, fear-based control
⚠️ Perfectionism (often tied to mental health struggles) → never feeling “good enough,” overworking

The behavior isn’t necessarily the issue—it’s the why behind it. 💭

Before praising what looks like discipline to you, maybe stop and decide not to.

03/23/2026

This might make hard conversations a little easier 👀

Talking about body image, puberty, and self-worth isn’t always simple—especially when you want to say the “right” thing.

That’s why The Body Image Book for Girls by Dr. Charlotte Markey can be such a helpful place to start 💛

Inside, it touches on things like:
✨ navigating body changes & puberty
✨ building confidence without focusing on appearance
✨ understanding the impact of social media
✨ developing a healthy/healthier relationship with food
✨ learning self-care that isn’t about perfection

For parents, caregivers, or anyone supporting a young person—this could be a really supportive tool to help open up those conversations (or even let the book answer stuff for you, if preferred!) 💬

Check out her page for more amazing and helpful tips at ❤️

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