11/09/2024
Let’s talk about grief.
Yesterday I unexpectedly lost my sweet cat Lucy. She was 14, and had been battling some serious health issues the last 5 years, so I knew it was possible our days together were numbered.
I thought about how I would manage her passing quite often the last few years, but this morning I’m reminded that there isn’t really a way to truly prepare your nervous system for loss.
Because we are creatures that require co-regulation, it’s an unsettling experience for the nervous system when something that has helped you regulate for years suddenly disappears.
There is a wisdom in the common phrase, “I feel like I’ve lost a piece of myself,” because in a way you have.
One moment they are there, and the next they are not.
You think you hear them, you look around and expect to see them - and every silence, every empty hallway is a sharp reminder of their absence.
I often remind clients who are struggling with the pain of loss of the saying, “grief is love persisting.” Not because it makes it easier, but because it’s the reality of loving and being loved.
Pain is our reminder we loved deeply, and I understand why people don’t want to sit with that discomfort - but leaning in to that grief is a necessary part of learning how to carry it.
So I’d like to offer you an invitation, to sit with your grief and let it tell you the story of how deeply you loved. To move with your grief, and let it move you. To hold the pain as a reminder you got to experience one of the greatest joys of being human, however far away that joy feels now.
At first it may seem too big, too overwhelming. But, over time, you’ll become skilled at carrying it. The massive boulder that once crushed you will transform into a tiny stone you can fit in your pocket.
And that stone will be the reminder of the great love you were lucky enough to experience.
To all those wrestling with grief today - I am with you. Have faith that one day the struggle will turn into a beautiful dance choreographed to the music of love.
