Dr. Jessica Kaffer, PsyD

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Dr. Jessica Kaffer, PsyD

Maternal Mental Health and Wellness

Education, information, and insight on matters of pregnancy, postpartum, parenthood, work/life balance, and beyond.

02/04/2026

Emotional processing is not inherently healing. Research shows that when the nervous system is overwhelmed, attempts to process feelings can actually increase distress rather than reduce it.

Neuroscience demonstrates that emotional integration relies on prefrontal cortex engagement. When stress hormones are elevated, that system goes offline. This is why forcing vulnerability during moments of exhaustion, crisis, or escalation often backfires.

Effective therapy and healthy coping prioritize regulation before reflection. Once the nervous system is calmer, emotional processing becomes more coherent, less overwhelming, and more meaningful.

Healing is not about pushing through feelings. It is about creating the conditions where feelings can be processed safely.

02/02/2026

Emotional reactivity is often misunderstood as a personality issue or a lack of coping skills. From a psychological and neurobiological standpoint, it is more accurately explained by emotional overload.

When emotional demands exceed capacity, the brain reallocates resources away from higher-order thinking and toward threat detection. Research shows that under sustained stress, the amygdala becomes more reactive while the prefrontal cortex has less influence over emotional responses. This shift makes irritability, impatience, and disproportionate reactions more likely.

This is why people often feel like they are “overreacting” during high-load seasons. The nervous system is not failing. It is prioritizing survival over nuance.

Effective regulation begins with reducing emotional and cognitive load, not increasing self-criticism. When load decreases, flexibility and patience return naturally.

01/30/2026

There are over 400 empirically supported psychotherapy approaches documented in the research literature. No single modality works for every client, every problem, or every nervous system.

One of my biggest red flags is a therapist who presents their preferred orientation as the only effective option or speaks dismissively about other evidence based approaches. Research consistently shows that therapist flexibility, alliance, and clinical judgment are stronger predictors of outcome than strict adherence to a single model.

Effective therapy is responsive, not rigid. It integrates theory, evidence, and the individual sitting in the room.

01/28/2026

Compartmentalization is often criticized online, but in psychology it is understood as an adaptive coping skill when used intentionally.

Research in trauma and stress response shows that the brain prioritizes functioning during high demand situations. Compartmentalization allows individuals to temporarily set aside emotion in order to care for children, perform critical tasks, or manage crisis.

The problem is not using compartmentalization. The problem is never returning to what was set aside.

Healthy emotional processing is about timing. Feelings need safety and capacity to be processed well. Revisiting them later, when the nervous system is more regulated, is often more effective than forcing vulnerability in the moment.

This is not emotional suppression. It is emotional pacing.��

01/26/2026

Boundaries and rules are often confused, but psychologically they serve very different purposes.

Rules attempt to control another person’s behavior. Boundaries clarify your own limits, values, and responses. Research on interpersonal functioning shows that conflict escalates when people attempt to enforce control, but decreases when individuals communicate clear expectations and consistent follow through.

Boundaries reduce resentment because they remove the power struggle. They focus on what you will do rather than what someone else must change. This is why boundaries are a cornerstone of emotionally healthy relationships, parenting, and leadership.

Boundaries are not passive. They require clarity, consistency, and action. But they protect connection far more effectively than control.

01/23/2026

Resilience is often framed as toughness or independence. Psychological research shows the opposite. Social support is one of the strongest protective factors against stress-related disorders, burnout, and trauma-related symptoms.

Connection regulates the nervous system. Shared burden reduces cognitive and emotional load. Modeling support-seeking strengthens family resilience across generations.

Strong families are not those who carry everything alone. They are those who know when and how to lean on others.

01/21/2026

Secondary trauma occurs when individuals are affected by another person’s traumatic exposure. This is well documented among spouses of military members, first responders, and caregivers.

Listening to traumatic stories, anticipating danger, managing aftermath, and emotionally buffering loved ones all activate stress responses. Over time, this can produce anxiety, hypervigilance, emotional numbing, and exhaustion similar to primary trauma exposure.

Acknowledging secondary trauma allows for earlier intervention, better support, and healthier family systems.

01/19/2026

Military and first responder families often live in a state of sustained alertness. Psychological research shows chronic vigilance alters nervous system functioning, increasing baseline stress and delaying emotional recovery.

This does not shut off when the threat ends or the calendar changes. Hypervigilance becomes the nervous system’s default. Partners and children absorb this stress through family system dynamics, even when danger is indirect.

Recovery requires intentional down-regulation, not just time off. Without support, chronic vigilance increases risk for anxiety, sleep disruption, irritability, and emotional exhaustion.

01/16/2026

The window of tolerance describes the zone where emotional regulation, reasoning, and connection are possible. Chronic stress narrows this window, making individuals more reactive, overwhelmed, or emotionally shut down.

Neuroscience shows prolonged stress increases amygdala reactivity while reducing prefrontal cortex modulation. This shifts behavior toward fight, flight, or freeze responses. Many women interpret this as “losing patience” or “failing to cope,” when it is actually a predictable brain response.

Expanding the window of tolerance happens through regulation, safety, and support, not self-control. Understanding this reframes emotional struggles as physiological, not personal failures.

01/14/2026

Cognitive load refers to the amount of information the brain is actively managing. Emotional load refers to the effort required to regulate feelings, relationships, and internal responses. Both consume mental resources, but they tax the brain in different ways.

Research shows that when cognitive and emotional loads are high simultaneously, executive functioning declines faster. This leads to decision fatigue, emotional reactivity, and reduced problem-solving ability. Mothers and caregivers often carry both loads continuously.

Reducing burnout requires addressing both types of load. Simplifying tasks helps cognitive load. Emotional support, validation, and boundaries help emotional load. Addressing one without the other leaves people depleted.

01/12/2026

Many people expect emotional processing to happen during stressful events. Psychological research shows the opposite often occurs. During periods of high demand, the nervous system prioritizes survival and functioning over reflection and emotional integration.

This is known as delayed emotional processing. When immediate demands decrease, the brain finally has the capacity to release stored emotional material. This can look like sadness, irritability, exhaustion, or emotional flooding weeks or months later.

This pattern is well-documented in trauma psychology and stress research. It explains why January often feels emotionally heavier, especially after prolonged periods of caregiving, vigilance, or responsibility.

Delayed processing is not weakness or avoidance. It is an adaptive nervous system response. Understanding this reduces shame and allows space for intentional support rather than self-criticism.

01/09/2026

Capacity is often misunderstood as motivation or discipline. In psychology, capacity refers to the mental, emotional, and physiological resources available at a given time.

Stress, sleep deprivation, caregiving demands, trauma exposure, and hormonal changes all reduce capacity. This is measurable and well-documented in psychological research. Expecting consistent output despite fluctuating capacity creates chronic self-blame.

Healthy functioning requires adjusting demands to capacity, not judging capacity for changing.

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15508 W Bell Road, Ste 101/414
Surprise, AZ
85374

Website

https://www.docmompsyd.com/

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