Dr. Jessica Kaffer, PsyD

Dr. Jessica Kaffer, PsyD Maternal Mental Health and Wellness

Education, information, and insight on matters of pregnancy, postpartum, parenthood, work/life balance, and beyond.

Many mothers worry that boundaries feel harsh or selfish. In fact, they are among the most loving gifts you can offer yo...
10/29/2025

Many mothers worry that boundaries feel harsh or selfish. In fact, they are among the most loving gifts you can offer yourself, your relationships, and your children.

Boundaries guard your energy, preserve your identity, and maintain relational respect. Without them, we risk burnout, resentment, and disappearing into overcommitment.

Here’s how to begin:
1. Recognize where you need space (schedule, people, internal pressure).
2. Choose the most essential boundaries to test first.
3. Speak clearly and calmly: you don’t need to over-explain.
4. Expect pushback. Repair when necessary.
5. Practice consistency: boundaries only work when they are maintained.

Boundaries are not walls. They are guardrails that ensure love, connection, and growth can coexist with rest, safety, and authenticity.

We spring clean our homes... but what about our digital spaces?The constant scroll, endless opinions, and highlight reel...
10/27/2025

We spring clean our homes... but what about our digital spaces?

The constant scroll, endless opinions, and highlight reels can clutter your emotional bandwidth just as much as a messy room. For moms especially, that noise adds to the mental load.

Here’s how to digitally declutter:
• Curate your circle - follow voices that uplift, educate, or make you laugh.
• Silence alerts - constant pings keep your brain in overdrive.
• Replace mindless scrolls with mindful moments (a walk, a stretch, a breath).
• Pause before you post - are you sharing for connection or validation?

Your peace is too valuable to get lost in the algorithm.
Declutter. Disconnect. Recenter.

We tend to care for our bodies with hygiene routines. Rarely do we think of caring for our digital spaces with the same ...
10/27/2025

We tend to care for our bodies with hygiene routines. Rarely do we think of caring for our digital spaces with the same intentionality. But social media hygiene is just as vital, especially for mothers balancing mental load, emotions, and connection.

Social media hygiene means choosing what you see, how much you consume, and when you step away. Left unchecked, feeds full of negativity, comparison, and crisis content can chip away at your focus, safety, and peace.

Here are practical strategies:

• Audit your follow list. Unfollow or mute accounts that drain you.
• Set time limits or app timers so scrolling doesn’t eat your day.
• Schedule “digital detox windows” where devices rest.
• Pause before reacting or commenting — ask whether it adds to connection or conflict.

Your feed should serve you, not consume you. You have permission to protect your peace.

Your achievements can be beautiful expressions of who you are, but they do not define you. Return to the truth: you alre...
10/24/2025

Your achievements can be beautiful expressions of who you are, but they do not define you. Return to the truth: you already belong. You do not have to earn your place. You just have to live it.

Take a moment to recognize what you bring to others that has nothing to do with doing. Maybe it is your kindness, your ability to make others laugh, or the calm you bring into a room. These are the gifts that define your presence, not your productivity.

Your worth is not something to earn. It is not measured in grades, promotions, or accomplishments. You are valuable simply because you exist. Your thoughts, your emotions, and your presence carry a kind of worth that no achievement could ever add or take away.

We live in a culture that equates success with productivity. The more we do, the more we feel we matter. But this mindset quietly traps us. Every break starts to feel like failure, and rest begins to feel like guilt. It becomes easy to wonder, if I am not achieving, am I enough?

The answer is yes. You have always been enough. You do not have to prove your worth—you only have to remember it.

For high-achieving mothers, rest often feels indulgent — something you “earn.” But this lie erodes sustainability.When c...
10/22/2025

For high-achieving mothers, rest often feels indulgent — something you “earn.” But this lie erodes sustainability.

When calendars are packed, self-care is the first to go. But skipping rest is not neutral. It compounds injury — emotional, relational, physical.

Shift begins small. Take micro breaks. Offload what doesn’t require your attention. Schedule small rituals even when the day is full. Reframe self-care as fuel, not a reward.

You deserve rest. Your dreams deserve you to be well.

Society applauds high achievers. But behind the scenes, many women carry quiet fatigue, guilt, and the fear they are not...
10/20/2025

Society applauds high achievers. But behind the scenes, many women carry quiet fatigue, guilt, and the fear they are not enough.

The push for excellence often outpaces our capacity to rest. Over time, neglecting internal signals wears down foundation. You may still hit milestones. But what is the cost — to your joy, your relationships, your sense of self?

In research and anecdote, we hear: burnout, internal disconnection, and a sense that success is not enough. The 2025 Deloitte “Women at Work” survey found that only about half of women say their mental health is “good” or “extremely good.”

This post is a reminder: your value is not tied to your output. Protect your boundaries. Recognize your limits. Invite grace into your journey.

If postpartum OCD is real for you, know this: effective treatment exists. You are not stuck. You are not alone.Here are ...
10/17/2025

If postpartum OCD is real for you, know this: effective treatment exists. You are not stuck. You are not alone.

Here are evidence-based options:
• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): This therapy helps you face intrusive thoughts and resist compulsions that temporarily reduce anxiety. Over time, your brain learns the thought—and you—can survive it.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for perinatal OCD: Therapy that helps you challenge beliefs like “I must prevent harm at all costs” and develop more balanced thinking.
• Medication (SSRIs): In many cases, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors can provide relief. When used under medical supervision, benefits often outweigh risks.
• Support & Education: Connecting with others who understand your experience, learning about perinatal OCD, and working with clinicians trained in this area make a real difference.
• Early intervention is key: The sooner symptoms are addressed, the less they spiral and the easier recovery becomes.

You deserve care, clarity, and compassion. You are worthy of treatment that sees your pain—and helps you heal past it.

We say “knowledge is power.” That is especially true with postpartum OCD. So many myths keep mothers silent, isolated, a...
10/15/2025

We say “knowledge is power.” That is especially true with postpartum OCD. So many myths keep mothers silent, isolated, and suffering. Let’s clear some up:
• Myth: This is just regular anxiety or typical mom worries.
Many mothers do have intrusive thoughts, but in OCD those thoughts don’t stay occasional — they become frequent, distressing, and paired with compulsions aimed at relief.
• Myth: Having those thoughts means you are dangerous or unstable.
Far from it. The hallmark of OCD is that the thoughts conflict with your values. That conflict is what causes intense fear and shame.
• Myth: It always starts immediately postpartum.
While many cases emerge within the first 8 weeks, onset can occur months later. Recognizing symptoms doesn’t require perfect timing.

Believing these myths can delay seeking help. You are not broken for thinking these things. You are human. And support, treatment, healing are possible.

Postpartum OCD often hides behind shame, fear, and stigma. Because the thoughts involved are so taboo, many mothers do n...
10/13/2025

Postpartum OCD often hides behind shame, fear, and stigma. Because the thoughts involved are so taboo, many mothers do not speak them aloud, which only increases their suffering in silence.

Here’s what research tells us:
• A meta-analysis shows OCD diagnosis rates of ~2.4% in the postpartum period (though symptom prevalence is often higher).
• Some studies estimate postpartum OCD prevalence from 2.43% to 9% among new mothers.
• In perinatal OCD, thoughts about infant harm are common. Mothers typically recognize these thoughts as unwanted and distressing — they don’t want them. That distinguishes OCD from psychosis.

If you hear a voice in your head saying, “What if I lose control?” — that does not mean you will act. It may mean your brain is struggling under pressure, and OCD patterns are turning distress into repetitive anxiety loops. You deserve help, clarity, and support, not judgment.

We have done well as a culture to say: Your suffering matters. Your pain is real. You are seen. These statements heal. B...
10/10/2025

We have done well as a culture to say: Your suffering matters. Your pain is real. You are seen. These statements heal. But what if that became the final stop?

Validation is a beginning—not a destination. When it is used as a conclusion, we risk sitting in pain indefinitely, mistaking presence for progress. Growth asks us next: Given my pain, what next move is available?

You can honor your past without being defined by it. You can feel deeply and still move forward. You can give yourself space to grieve, and still build again.

Today’s invitation: validation is not enough by itself. Pair it with a step — however small — toward hope, repair, clarity, or forward motion.

We live in a culture that increasingly tells us: “If it hurts, stop.” But what if our shift went too far—where sensitivi...
10/08/2025

We live in a culture that increasingly tells us: “If it hurts, stop.” But what if our shift went too far—where sensitivity becomes a shield that blocks growth rather than an invitation to evolve?

Emotions deserve validation. You deserve to have safe space to feel grief, frustration, anger, loss. But when we stop there—without doing the work to heal, repair, or move forward—we risk turning emotional safety into emotional stagnation.

Hard things are inevitable. They test us. But resilience is not about skipping pain. It’s about feeling pain fully and then doing the next right thing, even when it is hard.

Let’s welcome vulnerability. Let’s demand kindness. And then let’s still choose the path forward.

We often hear about individual mothers who feel alone in their mental health struggle. But now the data confirms what ma...
10/06/2025

We often hear about individual mothers who feel alone in their mental health struggle. But now the data confirms what many of us sense daily, a decline in maternal mental health across the U.S.

Between 2016 and 2023, the number of mothers who rated their mental health as “excellent” dropped from ~38% to ~26%. Over the same time, the proportion reporting “fair or poor” mental health rose from ~5.5% to ~8.5%. 

From 2023 to 2025, the number of “severe risk” counties for maternal mental health nearly tripled (24 → 92).  More providers have entered the field, maternal mental health provider numbers more than doubled... but most new providers are in areas with lower risk.  Meanwhile, 84% of birthing-age women still live in counties that lack adequate maternal mental health resources. 

This is not about blaming individuals. It points to a structural crisis: need is growing faster than infrastructure. If you’re feeling unseen, overwhelmed, or stuck, know that your experience is valid and that support should exist... not just in theory, but in your community.

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