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Pine Ridge Pastoral Counseling Services, 504 E Fayette Street, Syracuse, NY (2025)

12/15/2025

LEARNING FROM MARTHA - Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress

Over the past few years, it has become a custom at holiday times to reflect on the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). This story provides helpful insight to reduce the stress of family gatherings. Easing Holiday Stress | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY

Not surprisingly, modern stress management techniques utilize their timeless insights. Better Ways to Manage Your Holiday Stress | Psychology Today. In keeping with that tradition, I want to focus on Martha and show how her experience can help us to lower our level of anxiety and better deal with the stress that get-togethers can bring.

The Story

To refresh your memory, here is the text of Luke's timeless account of Martha's encounter with Jesus: "Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha received him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40

But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she went to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things; 42 one thing is needful.[a] Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Applying The Story to Our Lives

Even a quick review reveals the relevance of this brief but poignant story. The incident exposes a universal human dilemma, i.e., how quickly tension between family members can explode.

Although Martha was eager to please her guests, her distress and resentment toward her sister got the best of her. As a result, resentment led her to overlook the occasion's larger significance, to be angry with her sister, and to snap at Jesus.

Rather than examining family dynamics, however, I want to focus on how stress can distort our experience and behavior. Also, I want to highlight how Jesus responded to Martha's outburst. He did not react to her crossness in kind. Instead, he calmly identified her anxiety with compassion.

Both Martha's reaction and Jesus' response provide helpful clues for dealing with our stressful holiday situations.

Understanding the Anger

It is crucial to understand that Martha is a good woman. She was a woman of standing in the community and owned her own house. When she invited Jesus and his disciples into her home, I'm sure she intended to have a wonderful time with them. She didn't intend to lose it.

That said, anyone who has siblings knows how tense things can get out of hand. Apart from familial relationships, entertaining is complicated and attending to all of the details can become overwhelming. Martha's outburst to Jesus was an expression of her becoming overwhelmed.

Too often, we become critical of those who become over-stressed or of ourselves for not keeping it together. Thus, it's crucial to remember that anyone in the right circumstances can lose it. Keeping our emotional vulnerability in mind helps us to empathize rather than retaliate.

Dealing with Anger - First Calm Things Down

In response to Martha's anger, Jesus turns to her with understanding and compassion, calling her by name and identifying the real problem. When dealing with tense family situations, it is essential first to calm the situation.

Given that Luke's text is brief, one can trust that Jesus was compassionate when engaging Martha. I imagine he took her hand or hugged her to calm her distress.

When one experiences the love and acceptance of another person, it calms fears. Acceptance calms not only the emotional experience of panic but also shuts off the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

Regaining Perspective

As we have written before, one of the problematic aspects of being human is that stress reactions in the limbic system can block our access to the reasonable part of our brain, the medial prefrontal cortex. And here is the good news: When the all-clear is felt, access to the human part of our brain is restored and perspective is regained.

Had Luke's narrative continued, I can imagine Martha breaking into tears and Jesus comforting her. Once calmed, I can see her apologizing for her unpleasant reaction. Likewise, I imagine that because of Jesus' loving compassion, emotions cooled and the gathering was redeemed.

It's important to realize that the ultimate takeaway from this story is positive. The reality of human nature is that bad situations can be redeemed with love and understanding.

When tempers flare, step back. Identify the stressors that are causing the problem. Remember, there is love underneath the frustration. These simple steps help keep matters from escalating.

After all, the point of holiday get-togethers is to celebrate the love, family and friends. It's ironic but true that sometimes, in the midst of family conflicts, it's difficult to remember the love that is felt.

Fortunately, even when things go south, they can be redeemed. With a little practice, you can learn to calm, step back, and reconnect with the love that you feel.

Happy Holidays!

The Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC December 15, 2025

www.revmichaelheath.com

12/04/2025

THE INTENTIONAL SIGH .

Everyone knows what a sigh is. But, just in case you've never really thought about it, and to be clear, a sigh is a natural, involuntary occurrence that is expressed as an audible exhaling of the breath ... as in ahhh.

Typically, sighs express either exhaustion, sadness, or relief. Whatever the feeling, there is a physical release and a sensation of relaxation. And that is the point. Today, I want to talk about intentional sighing and how it can provide immediate stress relief in moments of emotional duress or panic.

Of course, there are a variety of breathing exercises used to manage stress and anxiety, https://revmichaelheath.com/tips-for-panic/ Some of them are complicated and or require being in a quiet space to do them. An important advantage of the intentional sigh is its simplicity and that it can be used anywhere at any time.

How to do an intentional sigh ?

An intentional sigh is sometimes called the physiological sigh. It is like a natural sigh except you can choose (intend) to employ when it's needed. The Science of Physiological Sigh: Insights from Huberman Lab - PsychSolutions, Inc - Therapy In Edmonton, AB T5M 4C9

To do an intentional sigh, all you have to do is take 2 quick breaths followed by a long exhale. That's it!

When to employ an intentional sigh ?

The key to the effectiveness of the intentional sigh is timing. You focus on your breathing as soon as you recognize that you are becoming upset. Becoming aware of brewing upsets starts with paying attention to muscular tension in your body.

Often, physical reaction precedes feeling stressed. For example, some folks will express stress as muscular tension in their chest or stomach area. Others may feel tightness in their shoulders or lower back. Still others may experience headaches or a clenching of their jaw or fist.

Wherever you feel the tension, you can learn to interpret the sensations as a stress alarm sounding. At this time, the alarm can remind you of your stress response and remind you to take an intentional breath.

In addition to learning how to short-circuit emotional overload, it's also helpful to understand what happens in our bodies when we feel stressed.

The basics of emotional stress ?

Emotional stress is a dysphoric response to a disappointment or perceived threat. It is experienced with feelings of anger, fear, anxiety or depression.

Every day life involves dealing with some stressors, but stress becomes a serious problem when it persists unabated and is compounded by multiple factors. If not treated, stress can lead to not only emotional disorders but also physical ones.

Here is how our brain processes stress and creates our emotional responses to it.

Our limbic system

While we tend to think of our brain as the medial prefrontal cortex, which is the center of our personal awareness and the part that allows us to think and create,

While true, our brain is also made up of a more primitive neurological network called the limbic system. The limbic system is a complex system of nerves near the edge of the cortex, concerned with instinct and mood. It controls the basic emotions (fear, pleasure, anger) and drives (hunger, s*x, dominance, care of offspring). what is the limbic system - Google Search

The limbic system operates outside of our consciousness. For example, it keeps us alive by telling our heart to beat and our lungs to breathe, as well as our stomach and intestines to digest food.

The Amygdala and Autonomic Nervous System

The crucial parts of the limbic system that influence our emotions and reactions to stress are the amygdala and the autonomic nervous system (ANS). They work in tandem to scan for danger throughout our five senses. When detected, the amygdala sounds the alarm. Likewise, the sympathetic branch of the ANS swings into action, preparing the body for a fight-or-flight response.

In addition to making the conscious brain aware of the threat, the amygdala generates the emotions of fear and anxiety, and the ANS releases the stress hormones of Adrenaline and Cortisol. The hormones increase blood flow, strength, and suppress pain.

Physically, the experience of fear and or anxiety changes breathing patterns. Respiration becomes rapid, shallow, and not fully exhaled.

Think of someone who is panicked or startled. Unlike a slow, relaxed sigh, stressed breathing is like a startled gasp wherein more air is taken in. The increase in oxygen, which results from rapid, deep breathing, optimizes the fight-or-flight response.

The Parasympathetic Nervous System

The intentional sigh is a function of the other branch of the ANS, the parasympathetic system. In contrast to the sympathetic system, which amps up the body, the parasympathetic system calms it down. Exhaling engages the parasympathetic nervous system and gives the all-clear, which in turn shuts off the release of the stress hormones.

______________________________________________________________

While not magic, the intentional sight can provide an essential interruption for someone on the verge of "losing" it. This break can allow for a shift to a more mindful perspective, which may then employ other stress relief practices.

Breaking the panic cycle can prevent serious emotional dysregulation and inappropriate reactions and help a person to self-regulate and regain self-control.

Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow AAPC December 4, 2025

www.revmichaelheath.com

11/14/2025

MASCULINITY IN CRISIS: A REASONABLE RESPONSE

With the government shutdown finally resolved, other important issues are emerging. Of special concern is the quiet crisis among many young men regarding masculinity and what it means to be a man. Men and masculinity | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY

To date, responses are polarized, either demonizing men on one hand or doubling down on traditional machismo. There is a better way suggested by a professor and a governor.

Professor Scott Galloway's new book Notes on Being a Man and Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom's recent criticisms of his own party for "walking away" from men suggest a more reasonable alternative. Gavin Newsom says Democratic Party 'walked away' from masculinity crisis | Fox News

Some Background

The crisis with masculinity is a dilemma: How can men be men without being toxic to women? The term toxic masculinity arose in the wake of high-profile s*x abuse trials involving the likes of Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein. What is Toxic Masculinity and How it Impacts Mental Health

The me too.Movement impacted young men differently. For some, it expanded their self-awareness and motivated more respectful behavior toward women,

For others, however, the effect was negative. Multiple studies reveal that it contributed to a number of serious problems, including: Alienation, Rage, Declining Performance, Increasing Clinical Depression and Su***de. (Amanpour and Company | Scott Galloway Sounds the Alarm on the Crisis Facing Young Men | Season 2025 | PBS)

Social/Political Responses

In response, there have been two reactions with opposite perspectives.

From the Left

From the left, social and political progressives have not been helpful. By and large, they have condemned traditional male characteristics and adopted a predominantly feminist perspective. Likewise, their lack of empathy failed to provide any constructive solutions to change the situation. Liberal society has failed young men - New Statesman

From the Right

In general, political conservatives have tended to minimize the harm of abusive men and were supportive of men, casting them as the victims of "toxic feminism".Toxic Feminism in the World of Victimhood – Concerned Women for America. Besides politicians, a number of groups have emerged to provide support for estranged men.

Incels

For some time, INCELS (involuntarily celibate) are alienated men who are hostile to feminism, blaming them for their inability to find loving and intimate relationships.

Indeed, young men are having less s*x. Studies show that a high percentage of them haven't had s*x in over a year. S*xless America: Young Adults Are Having Less S*x | Institute for Family Studies

As a group, INCELS exhibit not only a sense of alienation but, overall, very poor self-esteem and a poor level of mental health. The mental well-being of involuntary celibates - ScienceDirect

Turning Point

The late Charlie Kirk's Turning Point USA drew millions of followers, in part, because it responded to men's sense of alienation. While feeling their pain, he also understood their anger as he attacked progressives' "over-feminization" of men. Kirk emphasized traditional biblical images of men as being the strong heads of the family. Likewise, he attacked feminism and promoted the submission of women to men.

Groypers

Nick Fuetes and the Groypers validated young men's anger and expressed their rage at women, society and government. Like Kirk, they criticize feminists for wanting to soften men and deny them their essential nature. Who Are the ‘Groypers’? - The New York Times

A Third Option: Understanding Masculinity in a New Key

In addition to the liberal and conservative approaches, there is a third alternative. It involves empathizing with young men's experience but also casting masculinity in a non-abusive way.

It is possible, in fact, it is necessary to denounce abusive s*xual behavior without condemning men as a gender. Further, it is crucial to show them how to feel good about themselves as men.

Scott Galloway

Recently, Professor Scott Galloway, in his book Notes on Being a Man, expressed concerns of both the left and right. He is deeply aware of young men's plight, and he affirms the traditional notions of masculinity, but in a different way.

The traditional traits of strength, power, and leadership are virtues when expressed in the context of protective responsibility. Authentic masculinity must be used in the service of others, i.e., to provide for and protect families, community, nation, and planet, and not simply selfishly. Amazon.com : scott galloway notes on being a man

Galloway offers a positive approach for men to reclaim their masculine identity without its traditionally abusive tendencies.

Gavin Newsom

To make meaningful progress to decrease s*xual violence against women, there must be a political/institutional component. Governor Gavin Newsom's criticism of Democrats for abandoning men provides a wake-up call for his party. He is urging them to make the masculinity crisis a priority in their legislative goals. Without saying so explicitly, I believe that Gov. Newsom was calling for a Title IX-style initiative for men.

Such educational programs could teach responsible s*xuality and the obligation for men to use their power and strength not only for their own desires but also for protecting others.

In this light, Professor Galloway, Gov. Newsom and even Charlie Kirk agree. With this reasonable approach that avoids either extreme, men can be supported, abusiveness can be reduced, and traditional masculine values can be affirmed, but without brutality or abusiveness.

Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow A.A.P.C. November 14, 2025

www.revmichaelheath.com

11/02/2025

HOW TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT S*X WITHOUT SHAMING THEM

Recently, I wrote about the history of Church's hostile attitude toward s*x. Sadly , one unfortunate consequence of its antipathy is the negative impact that it's had on parents' ability to talk rationally about s*x with their children.

Frankly, many parents just don't know how to talk to their kids about s*x without shaming them.
As I look back on my 50 years as an educator, minister, and psychotherapist/marriage counselor, the biggest obstacle to talking honestly about s*x is guilt and shame. shame | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY

To be clear, shame is not simply feeling guilty over doing something wrong. Shame is a much deeper sense of humiliation. Shame is not simply feeling bad about something you did; it involves a negative sense of self. Folks who feel shame about s*x believe that something is fundamentally wrong with them. The worry is often a false belief that their thoughts or feelings about s*x are abnormal or even perverted.

S*xual shame and embarrassment begin in childhood.

The s*xual shame that many people feel is due to several factors, such as unrealistic expectations and false information. These erroneous beliefs also include feelings of embarrassment, which make it difficult to talk about it.

Almost to a person, the false guilt and shame stemmed from negative experiences in childhood. Beyond false information, shame stemmed from believing that the very topic of s*x was forbidden. Many children were raised to think that any curiosity or interest in s*x was wrong.

Even when parents did not promote false beliefs, their reluctance to talk openly sent the implicit message that nice people did not talk about such things. In addition to Christianity's negative influence, the omnipresence of internet po*******hy complicates the problem even further. Why Is It so Hard to Talk About S*x? | Psychology Today

Fortunately, there are many good resources available to help individuals and couples overcome their false sense of guilt and gain more accurate information. Nonetheless, parents must tackle the issue to protect their children from unnecessary shame and this won't be easy
For parents to talk to their children about s*x without shaming them, they will need to acknowledge their own s*xual hang-ups. The good news is that vanquishing negative feelings about s*x is not as formidable as it sounds. In addition, the effort brings a great sense of relief.

Here are some tips and myth-busters to get you started down the road to feeling better about s*x, yourself, and talking honestly about it all with your children:

1. Be an Askable Parent.

Saul Gordon, the human s*xuality professor at Syracuse University, used to stress the importance of being non-judgmental when talking to children about complex issues. Full article: Leaders in the History of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology Past Presidents Series: Sol Gordon (1970–1971) His concern is relevant because many kids will tell you that they don't speak honestly with their parents for fear of how their parents will react, i.e, with anger and condemnation.

To be askable, a parent must learn to respond to their children's concerns with understanding rather than judgment. Remembering what it was like to be their age and putting yourself in their shoes goes a long way toward expressing the empathy and acceptance children need.

Likewise, being an askable parent means that no topic is off-limits. Askable parenting can go a long way to help children understand and accept their s*xuality.

2. Curiosity is a good thing.

It is incredible to me how negative attitudes about s*x can squelch a child's natural curiosity. I myself experienced a nasty incident when I was in my hometown library at age 9 or 10. Encouraged by a friend to check out a National Geographic magazine featuring a bare-breasted African woman, a scolding librarian confronted me.

"Why would you look at such filth?" she demanded, wagging her disapproving index finger at me. Obviously, she felt that healthy little boys had no reason to be curious about the female anatomy. Fortunately, I told my mother about this and she wiped away all sense of guilt from my thoughts.

When one is not shamed by s*x, they understand that being curious about it and wanting to learn and discuss what they know is not only normal but is positive, as wanting to learn about any other topic in science, history, or music, etc.

3. Ma********on (apart from religious beliefs) is not unhealthy either physically or mentally.

Ma********on is probably the most sensitive and guilt-ridden s*xual topic. Although some of the old myths, e.g., causing mental illness and blindness, have quieted down, ma********on is still a source of guilt and discomfort for many.

Not surprisingly, many parents are still confused and conflicted about how to talk about it. Many are caught up in their own guilt, which prevents them from reassuring their kids that it's normal and nothing to worry about. On the positive side, medical research demonstrates that frequent ej*******on lowers a man's risk for prostate cancer. Ej*******on frequency and prostate cancer - Harvard Health

4. Don't worry about starting conversations too early.

Many parents wonder and worry about when it's the right time to talk about s*x. If you pay attention, your kids will let you know. They may look embarrassed or upset. When you spot it, respond with compassion and acceptance.

When you come across such a moment, it is okay to open the conversation with a comment or observation. Sharing a similar personal experience is a good way to break the ice. Likewise, gently asking them how they feel and reassuring them not to worry creates a sense that it's safe to talk honestly.

5. Don't project your hang-ups onto them.

Parents need to realize that their job is to help their child learn and grow, based on their child's needs, not their own. Indeed, many negative experiences that kids received from their parents came from the parents' own traumatic or unresolved issues with s*x.

The best way to avoid dumping your stuff onto them is to listen before responding. Also, be mindful of the way you talk about s*x to your kids. Notice the volume and tone of your voice.

Notice sensations and tension in your own body. Are you being critical or judgmental? Do any of the topics trigger you? If so, it is okay to admit it and even apologize. Being real with your children
about your own unfinished stuff is powerful and bonding. It builds trust in your relationship.

When you do talk with your kids about s*x, be mindful of your own past experiences and biases. A little parental self-reflection can go a long way to making talking about s*x a positive experience for both you and your children. As always, if you need help, reach out to a family therapist.

Rev. MIchaal Heath, LMHC, Fellow A.A.P.C. 11 02 2025

www.revmichaelheath.com

10/17/2025

INTIMATE CONVERSATIONS

Feeling loved and desired is a problem for many couples who have been together for a while. I frequently hear from a husband or wife who feels romantically stuck. Although things weren't bad in their relationship, they felt that the spark had gone out.

The good news is that, while it's common for romance and desire to fall into a rut, there are effective ways for couples to work their way out of it. The key is to learn how to talk to one another about what they are feeling. Intimate Communication | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY

The problem is that talking about intimate feelings is difficult.

The Problem: Bad Habits.

For many folks, talking to one another is difficult because they have gotten out of the habit. While they talked a lot when they first fell in love, over the years, people get busy. Intentionally not setting limits for jobs, kids and other responsibilities results in there being no time for sharing.. Fortunately, one couples realize the need for creating time for each other, new habits can be created that will rekindle old passions.

Start with Simple Things.

I recently read an article that listed 15 questions that good wives ask their husbands. Women who are excellent wives constantly ask their husbands these 15 questions

In fact, this list of questions was not simply for wives; Husbands can talk with their spouses about them as well. Indeed, these simple and positive questions can help couples who have difficulty talking to one another about their feelings break the ice.

The key is to start slowly and think positively. While serious conversations about interpersonal problems can be difficult, they are doable. The key is for couples to understand that intimate communication is a process and not a single conversation,

With this understanding, couples realize that issues don't have to be resolved all at once. Over time, positive experiences with smaller items help couples gain the confidence to speak honestly. This success with small conversations builds the trust necessary for tackling more complicated issues successfully.

With some effort and repetition, however, couples can get the hang of it and learn to share their experience. With this in mind, let's look at some helpful conversation starters that can break the ice and begin the journey to better communication:

HELPFUL QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PARTNER
-- How was your day? / What was the best part of your day? / What was the hardest part of your day?

To begin, start off any conversation by checking with your mate if now is a good time for them to talk. If it is, start wth a non-threatening inquiry. Asking about your partner's day is a gentle way to show that you are thinking about and are interested in them. Depending on their responses, you can further ask about both positive and negative details.

-- Would you like to change something in our routine?

Another innocuous question to ask your partner is how they feel about their relationship's daily routines. Sometimes people get into ruts without realizing it. Worse, they often believe that they're trapped or that nothing can be done to change things up. It is amazing how just asking a question can change a point of view and reveal important and needed changes.

-- What do you like about our life together?

When possible, it is advisable to start a conversation with something positive. Taking the lead and expressing what you like about your relationship can encourage you to ask your partner what they like.

-- Do you feel valued by me?/ What small gestures make you feel loved? / What can I do to make you feel more loved?

Another good way to begin a conversation when you are both relaxed and in a good mood is to ask if your partner feels valued by you. No matter how they respond, it's helpful to ask what you do or could do that they like and/or would like you to do more often.

It is amazing how simple questions open an area of thought and feelings that are sometimes taken for granted or neglected.

-- What things do you worry about in general? / Is there anything specifically, now ?/ Is there anything I can help you with?

From more surface scheduling issues, conversations can delve deeper into more sensitive areas. Problems and worries are areas that are sometimes difficult to engage with your partner. Once you both are comfortable talking about your day,

Of course, counseling can be helpful for couples who are stuck, but simple conversations may have surprisingly good results. It is important to stress that not every couple needs professional help.

-- What dreams do you have for our future?

When folks feel stuck in a rut, it's also helpful to think about the future. It's important to imagine future goals. Accessing the positive parts of your life and relationship helps one to believe in a brighter future. Hope for the future gives one the courage to be vulnerable and share deep thoughts and feelings. Intimate sharing is the key to keeping love and passion alive. Intimate Communication | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY

The Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow A.A.P.C. October 17, 2025

www.revmichaelheath.com

10/03/2025

WHY CHRISTIANITY IS EMBARRASSED BY S*X

Recently, a client contacted me to talk about the guilt and embarrassment he felt when talking to his wife about s*x. Indeed, over the years, I’ve heard this concern many times. Not surprisingly, he came from a conservative Christian background.

While it is no secret that Christianity has had its problems with s*x, many do not know that it was not always that way. Over the years, I’ve discovered that getting to know the history of how s*x became an embarrassment helps explain the real source of the underlying conflict. Likewise, increased understanding reduces embarrassment and shame. So, let’s take a look.

A Brief History of the Early Church’s Views toward S*x

Jesus and Paul on S*x

Frankly, the New Testament doesn’t record Jesus talking about s*x, nor does it say anything about his s*x life. We do know that he had compassion and did not shame the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11).

Stepping back, Christianity’s problem with s*x begins with Jesus’s and his early followers’ belief that the end of the world was near and that the Kingdom of God was at hand. (Mark 1:15) Paul believed that Jesus would return and bring in the new age within his own lifetime. (Thessalonians 4:15–17).

From this point of view, s*x becomes unimportant. The Kingdom of God initiated by Jesus was a spiritual reality. In it, male and female distinctions and s*x would no longer exist. (Gal. 3:28)

And here is an important fact that is often overlooked. Even in this Apocalyptic context, early Christians did not have a negative view of s*x. They shared Jewish beliefs, which held that s*x was fine within the bounds of marriage. S*x for early Christians was not a negative thing. The Origins of Christian Teachings on Human S*xuality – World History Encyclopedia

The Delay of the Parousia and the Crisis Over S*x
Christianity’s problem with s*x stems from the fact that Jesus’ expected return did not happen. The delay of the Parousia, as it was called, would, over the next few centuries, create a major crisis for the faithful in many ways, including their views about s*x.

For example, it is easy to forget that Jesus was Jewish and the Christian church did not exist during his lifetime or even in the years immediately after his death. What is referred to as the Early Church or Early Christianity was not an organized or uniform institution as we understand it today. It was a collection of believers who met in private homes to remember Jesus’ life, death and message of hope.

The church, as an institution, emerged over the first few centuries in the wake of Jesus’ failure to return. Its theology and doctrines, including those regarding s*x, emerged over time from theological reflection and not the actual words of Jesus.

Why is Christianity embarrassed by s*x? Because its very existence is a reminder that Christ has not returned.

Saint Augustine’s Guilt about S*x
The pivotal moment in the church’s evolution of a s*xual doctrine came with the writings of the Bishop of Hippo, St. Augustine. Prior to his influence, the Early Church accepted s*xuality. It even required its leaders to be married (1 Tim 3:2, Titus 6).

This all changed with Augustine. He was a man of extraordinary talent, but he was also plagued by guilt over his ribald life prior to his conversion to Christianity. His s*xual excesses seem to have left him with a zealous rage against his former indulgences.

Ironically, his views regarding s*x came to light as the church debated sacramental issues. Specifically, the question was whether infant baptism was necessary for the child’s salvation.

While some felt baptism unnecessary due to a newborn’s innocence, Austine objected. He argued that although an infant may not have sinned, they were not sinless since they had been contaminated in their conception. In one of the most absurd theological rationalizations, Augustine argued that the experience of pleasure (lust) during s*x conferred the original sin of Adam and Eve onto the child (the fertilized egg),

The Impact of St. Augustin’s Views on S*x
It is no exaggeration to say that Augustine’s position radically changed Christianity’s stance on s*x. Unlike Jewish and earlier Christian beliefs, Augustine’s unresolved guilt over his own s*xual excesses was translated into harsh doctrines that would dominate the Christian church’s view of s*x for centuries to come.

It’s not clear why his views were so attractive to the Early Church. That said, Augustine’s emphasis on sin and guilt provided a helpful distraction to Jesus’ absence.

Emotionally, the Church exploited s*xual guilt and shame by declaring that naturally occurring erotic impulses and feelings were sinful. Christianity, S*x & Shame | Pastoral Counseling Syracuse NY

Comedian George Carlin observed the emotional dilemma Augustine created. Even though rationally, s*x was redeemed through marriage, the sacrament could not completely erase the emotional shame and negativity connected to it. How the Church Makes People Terrified of S*x – RELEVANT

Due to Augustine’s influence, the doctrine of s*xual purity was elevated. Institutionally, celibacy was required for priests and marriage was banned from the priesthood.

With this background in mind, it’s easy to understand why future generations have had trouble feeling good about s*x.

Tips for Overcoming Shame and Guilt about S*x

Despite this complex history, Christians need to know that they don’t have to feel guilty about s*x. It is acceptable to acknowledge that Augustine’s views may seem preposterous today. Whatever your past experience, it’s possible to shed the guilt and experience your s*xuality in joyous ways.

Here are some tips to help:

-- Start by understanding, without judging yourself.
-- Identify the negative experiences that created negative associations about s*x.
-- Learn about human biology and normal s*xuality.
-- Distinguish normal curiosity and interest from obsessive behavior.

When there is a behavioral problem with s*x:

-- Discover and address the underlying anxiety that you seek to escape through s*x.
-- Focus on learning ways to control unwanted behavior.
-- Adjust unrealistic expectations you may have about s*x.
-- If necessary, don’t be afraid to seek professional help.

Rev. Michael Heath, LMHC, Fellow A.A.P.C. October 3, 2025

www.revmichaelheath.com

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