Adonai Counseling and Employment

12/30/2024

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08/22/2024

02/06/2024

Repost from the wonderful Dr. Laura Markham of AhaParenting.com 👇⁠
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Defiance. It's guaranteed to push a parent's buttons. After all, we're supposed to be in charge, right? Defiance rubs our nose in the fact that we can't really control another person, whether he's three or thirteen unless we use force. And who wants to be that parent?⁠
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Because when we overreact to defiance, we escalate the battle. Since force creates resistance, either openly or in a passive-aggressive form, it's ultimately a losing strategy. (You might win the battle, but you'll lose the war.) ⁠
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So what can a parent do about defiance?⁠
Cure it at the source! Kids are defiant for a reason. Often, they feel controlled and pushed around, and they need some positive ways to feel powerful and capable in their lives. ⁠
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Because a defiant child is rejecting the parent as the leader, at least at this moment, defiance also indicates that the child feels disconnected from the parent. Maybe the relationship needs some repair work, or maybe she's just very upset at the moment, and since she's in "fight or flight" we look like the enemy. ⁠
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Punishment will just make the disconnection worse. It will make the child feel more unfairly pushed around. And it won't help her with the upset. So you have to address defiance, but you can't solve it with discipline. You solve defiance with connection.⁠
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Your approach will depend on how old your child is. ⁠
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To read how to approach defiance by any age, please visit Dr. Laura's enormously helpful blog post: https://www.ahaparenting.com/blog/youre_not_the_boss_of_me ⁠
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I am thrilled that I had the opportunity to speak to Dr. Laura for our upcoming free Event: ⁠Pandemic Parenting: How to Keep Your Cool, Even When Your Kids are Losing it. Together we spoke about ⁠When Kids Hit: Setting Empathic Limits. Keep the lookout, early bird registration will open April 1!! ⁠ ❤️⁠

12/10/2023

I have hot dogs in fun stuff for all the kids to do Fun activities for all!

11/20/2023

Off the chain love this man

Check out isaiah Summers's video.

11/09/2023

Looking for ways to get your kids to help around the house? Here are some simple, age-appropriate chores for every age group!

11/09/2023

Good Morning AGP,

I like to refer to charts like this often to remind myself that some of the behaviors we see as teachers could be due to students’ trauma histories. Although a trauma history may not always be the cause, there is often no way of knowing, which is why our responses should always be sensitive to the possibility.

When a child with a trauma history is triggered by a real or perceived threat, the survival instincts of fight, flight, or freeze responses could be activated. During fight, flight, or freeze, the neocortex part of the brain that controls language, reasoning, planning, and reflection are not accessible.

Three actions to keep in mind if you think a student may be operating from the primitive part of the brain are: validate, mirror, and emphasize. Validation takes practice, as it is often our instinct to say “it’s ok”, or “no, you’re really good at this”. A child in fight, flight, or freeze needs validation for how they are feeling in the moment before they can regulate and access the part of the brain where reasoning occurs.

Later I’ll post a video about how to validate, mirror, and emphasize.

- A Teacher at Ana’s School

10/14/2023

10/14/2023

09/19/2023