Slade-Waggoner Counseling Services PA

Slade-Waggoner Counseling Services PA Provides mental health counseling and marriage and family counseling
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Confronting the narcissist in writing protects you from his/her reactivity. It prevents the narcissist from twisting you...
02/23/2026

Confronting the narcissist in writing protects you from his/her reactivity. It prevents the narcissist from twisting your words or denying you confronted him/her. And it provides documentation should you need it. Confronting a narcissist in writing is living out.

Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” and Matthew 10:16: “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”

02/23/2026

If you must confront a narcissist, do it wisely.

Here are 2 critical tips for confronting a narcissist — especially in high-conflict relationships, co-parenting situations, or emotionally abusive dynamics.

1️⃣ Always confront the narcissist in writing.

Why?

Because written communication:
• Reduces emotional escalation
• Forces clarity and structure
• Prevents gaslighting (“I never said that”)
• Creates a record

Narcissists thrive in verbal chaos. Writing removes that advantage.

2️⃣ Understand there are TWO goals when confronting a narcissist.

Most people only think of one goal:
✔ Stop the controlling or manipulative behavior now.

But there is a second goal:
✔ Establish documentation that shows a pattern of control, manipulation, or abuse over time.

If the narcissist refuses to change, and often they will, your written confrontation still serves a purpose. It becomes evidence of:
• Reasonable requests
• Clear boundaries
• Repeated patterns
• Your efforts toward resolution

Do not become discouraged if the narcissist does not immediately stop being narcissistic.

That is to be expected.

It does not mean the narcissist is “winning.”
It means you are building wisdom, protection, and clarity for the future.

Scripture reminds us:

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” — Proverbs 16:18

God sees.
God knows.
And God can use even written documentation for good in ways you cannot yet see.

Confront with clarity.
Document with wisdom.
Trust the outcome to the Lord.

02/20/2026

Narcissists do not just manipulate situations.
They condition people.

Through repeated overt and covert manipulation, narcissists train those around them into predictable trauma responses.

Over time, you may find yourself reacting in one of four ways:

1️⃣ Fight — You argue, defend, or escalate.
The narcissist weaponizes your reaction and paints you as unstable or abusive.

2️⃣ Flee — You withdraw or leave the conversation.
The narcissist avoids accountability and keeps the issue unresolved.

3️⃣ Freeze — You shut down emotionally.
The narcissist experiences a power surge from your silence and paralysis.

4️⃣ Fawn — You appease and comply.
The narcissist feeds their entitlement and control.

These patterns are not signs of weakness.
They are trauma responses.

But once you identify your pattern, you can begin to interrupt it.

Ask yourself:
• In what situations do I fight?
• When do I flee?
• What causes me to freeze?
• When do I fawn and give in?

Awareness is the first step toward freedom.

Your reactions are yours.
Do not allow them to become tools the narcissist uses to maintain control.

Healthy boundaries, emotional regulation, and spiritual grounding allow you to respond with clarity rather than reflex.

You are not powerless.
You are learning.

One: Demonstrated disinterest when the conversation does not revolve around them or what they are interested in.Two: E...
02/19/2026

One: Demonstrated disinterest when the conversation does not revolve around them or what they are interested in.

Two: Extreme reactivity when they don’t get what they want or they are told “no.”

Narcissists are not genuinely interested in other people, their feelings, or their experiences. They are only interested in themselves, and they will eventually show it. Nor are narcissists concerned about collaborating or respecting another person’s needs and priorities. They are only concerned with feeding their insatiable entitlement.

Understand this reality and resist taking the Biblically-foolish narcissist’s disinterest and reactivity personally.

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2).

“The mouths of fools are their undoing, and their lips are a snare to their very lives” (Proverbs 18:7).

02/18/2026

One of the most damaging lies victims of narcissistic abuse are told is this:

“You’re being bitter.”
“You need to forgive.”
“You’re just resentful.”
“You’re overreacting.”

When you express anger at ongoing disrespect, manipulation, or emotional abuse, narcissists — and even well-meaning but uninformed supporters — may attempt to shame you into silence.

Do not believe this lie.

There is a difference between sinful rage and righteous anger.

Righteous anger:
• Recognizes injustice
• Responds to disrespect and disregard
• Protects boundaries
• Signals that something is wrong
• Moves you toward action and safety

God Himself expresses righteous anger toward wickedness, oppression, pride, and foolishness. Scripture repeatedly shows us that anger at sin and injustice is not evil, it is appropriate.

Your anger at narcissistic manipulation is not evidence that you are unspiritual.

It is evidence that:

• Your conscience is working
• Your boundaries are awakening
• Your dignity is intact

Righteous anger is often the first step toward:
• Setting boundaries
• Breaking trauma bonds
• Refusing emotional abuse
• Protecting your children
• Choosing truth over denial

Do not let a narcissist redefine your clarity as cruelty.

Stay connected to your righteous anger, not to fuel revenge, but to fuel wisdom, courage, and action.

God does not ask you to suppress what He designed to protect you.

02/17/2026

Gaslightimg examples from a narcissist. Here's what gaslighting look like.

Ask your spouse or significant other: “When things were good, what did we used to do that we are not doing now?Non-narci...
02/16/2026

Ask your spouse or significant other: “When things were good, what did we used to do that we are not doing now?
Non-narcissistic individuals will welcome and appreciate this question. Narcissists will become defensive, annoyed, or disregard its importance.

This is for all of my precious clients who need a laugh today. “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit ...
02/14/2026

This is for all of my precious clients who need a laugh today.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

02/13/2026

Sometimes the narcissist in your life is:

• An ex-spouse you must co-parent with
• A current spouse you cannot leave for financial or safety reasons
• A family member
• A coworker or employer

When the narcissist isn’t going anywhere, the solution is not constant confrontation.
It is skill-building.

You need:
• Strong dialoguing skills
• Emotional regulation tools
• Boundary-setting strategies
• Clear decision-making frameworks
• Spiritual grounding

That is why Don’t Let Their Crazy Make You Crazy was written — to equip you with practical, structured strategies for staying sane, steady, and strong when someone in your life is manipulative, controlling, or emotionally abusive.

And if children are involved, Don’t Let Their Crazy Make Your Kids Crazy provides tools to:
• Teach your children emotional discernment
• Minimize a narcissistic parent’s influence
• Protect your child’s identity and stability

These are not “quick tip” books.
They require investment.
They are structured like counseling, because that is the level of depth required when you are dealing with narcissistic abuse.

If you cannot remove the narcissist from your life, you must strengthen yourself.

Clarity.
Skill.
Wisdom.
Faith.

That is how you stay grounded when chaos surrounds you.

You can find these books at: Slade-waggonercounselingservices.com

02/12/2026

When a narcissistic spouse is confronted about po*******hy, addiction, or compulsive behavior, you will often hear phrases like:

• “I’m sorry.”
• “I can stop on my own.”
• “God healed me.”
• “I don’t crave it anymore.”

That is not repentance.
That is not recovery.
And it is not a plan of action.

Addictive behaviors, whether po*******hy, substances, or other compulsions—require radical transparency and structured accountability.

True recovery includes:
✔ Full access to devices
✔ An accountability partner
✔ Ongoing counseling
✔ A long-term maintenance plan

Recovery is not instant.

It is brutally hard, consistent work.

Anyone who studies the cycle of change understands that there are phases:
• Recognition
• Determination
• Action
• Maintenance

Without maintenance, relapse is not just possible, it is predictable.

A narcissist may try to bypass accountability by spiritualizing the issue:

“God healed me.”

God absolutely heals.
But biblical transformation includes humility, confession, repentance, and fruit consistent with change.

Words without transparency are manipulation.
Apologies without structure are deception.

If someone refuses layers of accountability, access, and oversight, trust cannot be rebuilt.

And without trust, there is no safety.

Recovery requires radical transparency.

Anything less is performance.

02/11/2026

One of the most common issues I hear from women married to narcissists is po*******hy use, and the minimizing that comes with it.

Statements like:
• “All men do it.”
• “Po*******hy isn’t cheating.”
• “It’s not hurting anyone.”

These are not just excuses.
They are deflection tactics.

Jesus said, “Anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

Po*******hy defiles the marriage bed

And when a narcissistic spouse repeatedly defends it, minimizes it, or refuses accountability, that is not merely immaturity, it is a deeper heart issue. Po*******hy is cheating.
I

If you are being told you are “overreacting” for being hurt by po*******hy use, you are not crazy.

02/06/2026

A subtle baiting tactic covert narcissists often use is negative self-condemnation.

Instead of asking directly for affirmation or reassurance, they criticize themselves in hopes that you will rush in with compliments, validation, or emotional caretaking.

For example, when a covert narcissist puts themselves down, your instinct may be to reassure them.
But reassurance often feeds the bait, not the problem.

A healthier, more grounded response is something neutral and redirecting, such as:
“A friend of mine has a really good Christian therapist. Would you like me to get the number for you?”

The narcissist will not like this response.
But your goal is not to gain their approval or keep them comfortable.

Your goal is to offer what is truly in their best interest.

Just like with other forms of narcissistic baiting, we do not feed ego, entitlement, or manipulation.
We offer truth, responsibility, and a path toward healing.

What is best for a narcissist is not endless affirmation from others.
It is learning to develop self-worth through Christ, Scripture, repentance, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

True worth does not come from “hunting” compliments or emotional supply.
It comes from surrender—learning to ask for needs directly, honestly, and in a God-honoring way.

Withholding ego-fuel is not unloving.
Pointing someone toward Christ-centered help is often the most loving response available.

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