08/26/2021
"What do I DO during a tantrum? Do I send them to a timeout? Do I ignore them? Do I give them what they want to stop the screaming?"
Here's the key: The feeling is ok. The behavior is not.
"It's ok to feel mad. It's not ok to hit.”
The feeling is OK! And? We are holding that boundary firmly. "You're feeling sad that iPad is all done, we'll have more iPad tomorrow."
Toddler brains are SUPER under construction🧠🚧, that's why we see them scream, yell, flail on the ground over every tiny thing. Coping skills, like the ability to self regulate or calm down, don't come naturally to a toddler. They are something WE as parents need to actively teach.
That's why we're not big fans of timeouts. Rather than teaching healthy coping skills, timeouts are teaching toddlers, "when I have big feelings, when I feel sad or mad, I am punished, and should be alone. I should push feelings deep down, then I won't be punished."🤯
Instead of timeout, give your toddler an effective coping skill, a TIME IN:
✨The Cozy Corner✨
A "Cozy Corner" is a comfy place for your toddler to self-soothe + let big feelings out safely and constructively.
Short-term: Helps your toddler soothe + settle big feelings in the heat of the moment while building resilience.
Long-term: You welcoming their big feelings builds trust in your relationship, helps them name their upset feelings + practice healthy ways to cope.
HOW TO MAKE A COZY CORNER:
✨Center it around a soft, cozy chair or a snuggly blankie - this will help their body feel calmer✨
✨Drawing materials - so they can let big feelings out without relying on words✨
✨A book about feelings, we love The Color Monster by Anna Llenas✨
Don't EXPECT your toddler to be able to use their cozy corner for every tantrum. You're planting coping skill seeds here - it will take time to see them use their cozy corner on their own.
And remember to STAY WITH THEM. You’re never “sending them” to their cozy corner - you’re regulating with them and staying present through their big feelings.
✨Struggling with tantrums, power struggles and disciplining in a way that works? Our course is here to help! For parents with kids aged 1-6. Link in bio✨