02/26/2020
You can be aware even if you are in an environment of completely unaware people. You do not have to pretend being asleep just because of pressure or anything. You are not bothered by that.
--------------------------------- It is more difficult to be a aware and in the present if you are surrounded by other people you care about who have a completely different mentality about this—driven by desire, anxiety, and other very base human drives.
Why is it difficult? It is only difficult if you let the mind take over. It is not difficult until comes a thought saying "this is difficult" and you just believe in that thought, making it appear as if it is difficult in this reality based on belief. You are not even seeing the truth at this point, you are already unaware. You must simply be aware and determined to stay aware, and nothing will be difficult. See it as your only job.
I see them as imperfect individuals who are doing their best and love me.
Why see them for something they are not? They might be ego-driven currently but their essence is pure love, pure consciousness, pure joy, pure compassion. The mask that they are putting should not affect how you see them. It makes no sense. You are basically putting on a mask your self and then judging them by their masks, as the ego does to its own projections.
Other days, however, I am more judgmental of them and it comes through in a negative way.
You must be aware that you are not judgmental, and you can never be judgemental. To be judgemental means that you are doing something, means you are doing the judging. That makes no sense, because the true being does not judge. It is something that it simply will not do. The only thing that is judgemental is the identity you (consciousness, life) believe you are. You made up an identity within your self, an identity which is anxious, judgemental, etc and you start identifying as it. You are not letting anything else other than this flourish. You must discern between your self and the chattering voice within you. The chattering voice is very personal. Everything about it is personal. You must remain as the impersonal self.
A mantra like "I am the self" and simply coming back to it, coming back to awareness (being aware of being aware) is very useful, but each being finds their own ways of staying as their true self.
I am grateful for this opportunity to practice patience and forgiveness with my family but also think I will personally develop and thrive more when I am away from them on an everyday basis, and be able to love them better.
You are saying it as if life is a practice or something. You are not here to practice anything, you are here to be. You must simply exist as you are, and be aware. If you are simply aware, do this one thing and everything will look and behave like heaven. It is literally what you are. That divine love IS the life energy that you are. At all times. It can't be anywhere else. It is the being itself, and it is what you are.
The ego says "I will personally develop and thrive more when I am away". That might be true, and it also might be that you won't develop nor thrive. The self-realized does not develop nor thrive for anything. It is simply aware. The ego wants to develop and thrive, to show itself, to prove itself, but all of that is unnecessary chatter inside your head. You do not have to follow all of its plans and desires, you can simply stay as you are, quiet, silent, you don't have to do something and work all the time like everyone and everything wants you to. It is completely ok to just exist, enjoy the beauty and immensity that this vast universe is.
It’s like Ram Dass said... if you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family!
If you think you are enlightened, you definitely are not enlightened. Enlightened is the one who does not think, does not believe, does not identify as anything. Spending a week with your family may prove to include more personal thoughts because that is your most personal life, but you can just stay as you are. You must trust.
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