Tom Duvall, Clinical Therapist

Tom Duvall, Clinical Therapist LISW-S providing high quality mental health therapy through the Willow Center. Interested in learning more about mental health and how to maximize yours?

Check out my website weekly Wellness Tips and articles. www.tom-duvall.com

Dying for them is would be easy. It's living for them that's hard.
11/26/2025

Dying for them is would be easy. It's living for them that's hard.

https://toledocitypaper.com/best-of/best-of-toledo-2025/ #/gallery?group=523248It's that time of year again! Time to vot...
11/26/2025

https://toledocitypaper.com/best-of/best-of-toledo-2025/ #/gallery?group=523248

It's that time of year again! Time to vote everyday for Best of Toledo. This year there are a lot of things to vote for, but they've made it super easy!

Everything is under the Professionals tab, so you just need to go there first, then scroll on down, voting for each person as you come to their category. The nominees I'd love for you to vote for are as follows:

Lexe Wooten, Nurse
Alexis Wooten, Nurse Practitioner
Kayla Spradley, Doctor
The Willow Center, Therapist/Counselor
Michelle Ruelke, Life Coach
Tallie Carter Designs, Interior Designer

HomeBest of Toledo Best of Toledo 2025: Vote Now! By Digital Media July 25, 2025 FacebookTwitterPinterestWhatsAppLinkedinReddIt The Toledo City Paper depends on readers like you! Become a friend today. See membership options Share FacebookTwitterPinterestWhatsAppLinkedinReddIt Previous articleChop M...

A client told me that Mr. Rogers brought him a lot of comfort and safety during his tumultuous childhood, and be as an a...
11/22/2025

A client told me that Mr. Rogers brought him a lot of comfort and safety during his tumultuous childhood, and be as an adult I had become his Mr. Rogers.

So anyway I'm retiring from therapy effective immediately. I've peaked; I can only go down from here.

It's not hard to get your small child to comply, but to make them feel loved and valued enough to comply? The difficult ...
11/21/2025

It's not hard to get your small child to comply, but to make them feel loved and valued enough to comply? The difficult path, at least in this case, is always the right one.


You may chronologically an adult, but still viewing the world and freedom through a child perspective.                  ...
11/18/2025

You may chronologically an adult, but still viewing the world and freedom through a child perspective.

11/16/2025

https://bpb-us-e1.wpmucdn.com/wordpressua.uark.edu/dist/a/189/files/2025/09/WHAT-NIJ-RESEARCH-TELLS-US-ABOUT-DOMESTIC-TERRORISM.pdf

I've been sitting on this for a little while. I came across it in the days following Charlie Kirk's murder amidst the panic about “the left” promoting violence, and I didn't want to immediately share this as some kind of “gotcha moment” to prove all the people who are saying it “wrong.” I know they were and are acting out of fear, and that fear was and is valid, and I didn't want to come across as invalidating. Now granted, the Trump administration quietly buried this at that time. I absolutely believe this was done as part of a bad faith effort to push a narrative that would justify Trump going after perceived enemies while allowing him to avoid the thing he fears the most: accountability. That’s the Trump administration, but that is not every person who considers themselves right leaning or conservative, or even most.

I would encourage everyone to take some time to read this report themselves, but when I read it, there were two big takeaways for me on which I want to focus. The first and probably most obvious one is that it is true that incidents of political violence from right leaning people outnumber those of left leaning people, at about a 4 to 1 difference. While this is a stark difference and that is important, it doesn't tell the whole story. There are some things within there worth highlighting.

The first is that the acceptable amount of political violence is none. Anything above none at all is unacceptable. This is not and cannot be a case of “Well they do it more, so they need to fix themselves first, get down to our level first and then we'll work on us.” Any amount of political violence above 0 is unacceptable and work needs to be done immediately to bring anything above 0 down to 0, regardless of how frequent it might be right now and regardless of how it compares to anyone or anything else.

I'm reminded of the Ohio State-Michigan football rivalry, arguably one of the biggest rivalries in all of sports, known around the world. Actually living in Toledo, Ohio, the importance of the rivalry is particularly acute. I bring it up because for the majority of the rivalry, it was heavily dominated by Michigan, nearly one-sided. Yet in my lifetime, from 1988 onward, it has been dominated more by Ohio State. While the current series record stands 65-51-6 for Michigan, the gap is much closer than it has been historically, and much of that has come about in my lifetime, which represents only about a quarter of the total rivalry.

I bring this up because while it's true that historically, political violence from right leaning people has been far more frequent than left leaning people, it does not mean it is or will be that way forever. What is and has been true historically can inform the present and future, but does not necessarily provide an accurate picture of them. What has been is not definitive proof of what is or will be. Had you asked someone the year I was born about the Ohio State Michigan rivalry, it would have been a clear, “Michigan is better” answer. Had you asked any time over the last 25 to 30 years, they probably would have been more likely to say Ohio State. Based on the last few years, it's more of a toss up. This long-held trend changed over several years, and this is possible with political violence as well.

Granted, actual good faith research producing credible evidence will be needed. An administration that says this is the truth, but in principle is more focused on protecting the insecurities of its leader is not credible evidence. Media sources that are focused on the same thing while parading as journalism are also not evidence. I think following anything like that as truth carries a high risk of closed mindedness, but no less so is pointing to what has been true historically as definitive truth of what is presently or what will be as the future unfolds.

Another takeaway from this that I want to highlight is the fact that there are disproportionately high levels of childhood abuse among white supremacists. This is significant because it emphasizes the best way to combat white supremacy is not by meeting their hate with hate, i.e. “it's okay to punch a n**i because it's a n**i” but with love and compassion. If the outward anger and hate is just a front for inner pain, all that will be accomplished by meeting that outward anger and hate with “justified” anger and hate will just lock them down further as they desperately try to protect themselves from that inner pain. Getting past the outward defenses to the inner pain is how you meet people where they're at, extend the kind of understanding that they are too afraid to extend, and ultimately help them feel safe enough to be able to change. If we just try to keep meeting the fire of hate with the fire of being on the right side of history, and do nothing else to address the inner forces driving the hate, the meeting fire with fire strategy will leave us all with a burning world of our own making.

I realize as I say this, how easy and simplistic this sounds. I don't want this to come across as “Just be nice to the white supremacists and it'll fix everything.” Understanding that they are coming from a place of hurt stemming from childhood trauma does not give an excuse, but gives a deeper context as a way to understand them. Indeed, not everyone who experiences childhood abuse and neglect grows up to be a white supremacist or another kind of intolerant bigot, so it certainly doesn't get people off the hook. However, understanding it is essential to knowing how best to meet it. Meeting bigotry with love and compassion doesn't mean excusing the behavior as acceptable, but recognizing that the person in front of you isn't a lost cause, but someone in pain trying to cope with it the best way they know how.

Understanding the root cause of these beliefs and their corresponding behaviors is not endorsing them, but a necessary step toward being able to really bring white supremacy to an end. In showing that underneath the anger and hate is pain and fear, this report emphasizes that there is never going to be a point where you can shame white supremacy out of existence. Leading with love and compassion isn't endorsing it, but understanding it and being willing to put in the hard work of bringing it to an end in the only way that's going to be effective.

If you looked outside yesterday, you saw that the gales of November came early again this year.
11/10/2025

If you looked outside yesterday, you saw that the gales of November came early again this year.

Maybe it is a radical idea, maybe not so much. No one is born a jerk.
11/09/2025

Maybe it is a radical idea, maybe not so much. No one is born a jerk.

https://toledocitypaper.com/best-of/best-of-toledo-2025/ #/gallery?group=523248It's that time of year again! Time to vot...
11/07/2025

https://toledocitypaper.com/best-of/best-of-toledo-2025/ #/gallery?group=523248

It's that time of year again! Time to vote everyday for Best of Toledo. This year there are a lot of things to vote for, but they've made it super easy!

Everything is under the Professionals tab, so you just need to go there first, then scroll on down, voting for each person as you come to their category. The nominees I'd love for you to vote for are as follows:

Lexe Wooten, Nurse
Alexis Wooten, Nurse Practitioner
Kayla Spradley, Doctor
The Willow Center, Therapist/Counselor
Michelle Ruelke, Life Coach
Tallie Carter Designs, Interior Designer

Honestly, should I even bother making suggestions?
11/07/2025

Honestly, should I even bother making suggestions?

I remember when Mike Pence came out with the quote, “I'm a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican, in that order,” ...
11/04/2025

I remember when Mike Pence came out with the quote, “I'm a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican, in that order,” and even though I wasn't his biggest fan, I liked it because it kind of showed where his priorities lie. I made an alteration to it that I think makes it more universal.

If someone is telling you that you make them feel unsafe, and your immediate reaction is indignity that they would say s...
10/30/2025

If someone is telling you that you make them feel unsafe, and your immediate reaction is indignity that they would say something like that about you, that is understandable. If you speak from that place of indignity, the only thing you're going to accomplish is reinforce to them that you are unsafe. While you may actually be safe, and certainly don't intend to make them feel unsafe, it is important to take the time first to acknowledge what you are feeling. Understand and address that feeling of indignity first. The responsibility is on you and your own emotions first before the other person.

It sucks to hear someone feels unsafe with you, especially if that's someone you care about and especially if you never intended for that to happen. As much as you want to defend yourself, to right that wrong, you can't argue someone into feeling safe with you. Insisting on being right isn't about right or wrong, but avoids responsibility for the emotions that are coming up within you. You may come to find that the effects of your choices and actions may be different from what you're intending, and being told this gives you the opportunity to course correct. You may unintentionally be making someone feel unsafe, but then you can intentionally help them to feel safe with you again. It starts with you first. It has to.

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Toledo, OH
43615

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Monday 9am - 7pm
Tuesday 9am - 7pm
Wednesday 9am - 7pm
Thursday 9am - 7pm
Friday 9am - 7pm
Saturday 9am - 4pm

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+14195176161

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