Relationship Renovation Counseling

Relationship Renovation Counseling Please check out our Relationship Renovation Podcast

Our Tucson counseling center is home to our Relationship Renovation program developed by Tarah and EJ Kerwin, an in-office or at-home programs to provide structured programming in supporting couples.

11/12/2025

Some patterns take years to see clearly—and even longer to heal.

In this clip, E.J. shares with Tarah that he feels like they’re in the process of “cleaning up” dynamics they established early in their relationship—patterns that used to quietly pull them apart.

He talks about how, over time, they’ve become more intentional and more skilled in how they communicate about difficult topics. Instead of shutting down or turning against each other, they’re learning to lean in, stay present, and really hear one another.

What’s most powerful is that E.J. reflects on the fact that they’re in the middle of an incredibly hard season—one that could easily make a couple fall apart—and yet he feels they’re actually growing closer together.

It’s a reminder that healing doesn’t mean never struggling; it means learning how to struggle side by side.

What’s one old pattern you and your partner are working on “cleaning up” together?

We poured our hearts into creating the Relationship Renovation at home manual because every couple deserves tools that h...
11/10/2025

We poured our hearts into creating the Relationship Renovation at home manual because every couple deserves tools that help them feel safer, closer, and more connected. Your support truly helps other couples discover tools to rebuild trust, communicate with kindness, and reconnecting on a deeper level. Could your relationship use a little support??

11/06/2025

Cultivating a Complete Sense of Value in Your Relationship

If you and your partner take the time to talk about the specific ways you’d like to feel valued outside of physical intimacy, you create a clear roadmap for connection. Each of you walks away with meaningful action points—small, intentional ways to show love in the way your partner most deeply feels it.

This kind of emotional transparency strengthens trust and understanding. When both partners actively express appreciation in ways that align with each other’s needs, it transforms how you both experience closeness—emotionally, physically, and relationally.

A strategic and intentional approach to nurturing your connection ensures that your relationship isn’t one-dimensional. Instead, it becomes a well-rounded, continually evolving bond built on feeling seen, valued, and loved in every sense.

💬 What’s one simple action that helps you or your partner feel valued outside of physical intimacy?

11/03/2025

When Intimacy Becomes Transactional

In this incredibly important discussion, Tarah and E.J. explore the subtle but damaging dynamic of intimacy becoming transactional—especially in relationships where there’s a high-desire/low-desire split.

They explain how one partner may be craving physical connection, while the other is craving emotional connection—and how each begins to see the other’s needs as something to earn rather than something to nurture.

The low-desire partner often longs for emotional closeness first, hoping it will reignite their physical desire. Meanwhile, the high-desire partner may feel deprived or rejected, believing that physical intimacy is the key to reconnecting emotionally. This creates a “you give me this so I’ll give you that” pattern—turning love into a negotiation instead of a shared experience.

Tarah and E.J. emphasize that true intimacy flourishes when both partners see themselves as teammates, not opponents—working together to meet both emotional and physical needs with empathy and openness rather than frustration and scorekeeping.

💬 Have you ever noticed moments when intimacy felt more like a transaction than a connection? What helped you shift back toward closeness?

10/30/2025

Avoidance: The Illusion of Control

In this clip, Tarah helps E.J. unpack what’s really happening internally for him during moments of avoidance. She gently guides him to explore how withdrawing during conflict can feel like a form of control—an attempt to prevent escalation by doing nothing rather than risking saying or doing something that might make things worse.

E.J. shares that when he pulls away, it gives him the temporary sense that he’s keeping things calm and contained. But beneath that is a deeper truth—a core belief that things are out of control and that he has no real ability to influence the outcome. Avoidance becomes a way to manage fear and uncertainty, not to harm the relationship, but to try to stay safe.

Tarah and E.J. highlight how understanding this pattern is essential. When avoidance is seen not as disinterest or detachment, but as a coping mechanism rooted in fear, couples can begin to approach it with empathy rather than frustration. From there, they can work together to create a sense of shared safety and learn to stay connected even in hard moments.

💬 When conflict arises, do you tend to withdraw or engage? How do you find your balance between safety and connection?

10/29/2025

Safety Comes from “We,” Not Just “Me”

In this clip, Tarah talks about one of the core challenges for avoidant partners—the deep-rooted belief that no one else can truly help them feel safe except themselves.

She explains that for many avoidant individuals, this comes from early experiences where relying on others felt risky or disappointing. So, when emotional conflict arises, their instinct is to retreat inward, to handle it alone.

Tarah encourages partners to gently reaffirm connection in those moments by saying something like:

“Hey, this might be a difficult time, but we’re going to make it through together. It’s okay that we struggle sometimes—I still love you, I still want to be here for you, and we can stay present for one another.”

This type of reassurance helps rewire the belief that safety only exists in isolation. It teaches both partners that love and security grow not from withdrawal, but from staying together through discomfort—with patience, compassion, and calm presence.

💬 What’s one way you can reassure your partner the next time things feel tense?

10/28/2025

Control or Connection? Rethinking the Avoidant Attachment Response

In this clip, **Tarah and E.J. explore the avoidant attachment style and one of its most common misconceptions—**the belief that withdrawing during emotionally charged moments keeps things under control.

They explain that while pulling away may feel like maintaining composure or protecting oneself, it often has the opposite effect. Withdrawal disrupts emotional connection and leaves both partners feeling misunderstood and alone.

E.J. and Tarah share that the real strength lies in staying present, even when it feels uncomfortable. By doing so, the avoidant partner not only supports emotional safety but also gives the other person the opportunity to take accountability for their own reactivity. This creates a balanced, mature dynamic where both individuals can self-regulate and stay engaged rather than escalate.

Choosing presence over avoidance doesn’t mean losing control—it means building the trust and resilience that allow love to deepen.

💬 How do you stay grounded when you want to pull away from a hard conversation?

10/27/2025

In this candid and personal conversation, Tarah and E.J. open up about the very human side of relationships—how even as therapists and coaches, they face the same challenges that every couple does.

They share openly about moments when they miscommunicate, get triggered, or miss each other emotionally, and how they use the same tools they teach—like pausing, reflecting inward, and returning with empathy—to repair and reconnect.

This conversation reminds us that healthy relationships aren’t about perfection—they’re about awareness and effort. Tarah and E.J. show that growth happens when couples are honest about their struggles and willing to keep showing up for each other with love and humility.

💬 What helps you and your partner reconnect after a moment of disconnection?

10/24/2025

You Can’t Fix Communication While You’re Triggered

In this powerful moment, E.J. and Tarah talk about one of the most common mistakes couples make—trying to process and repair dysfunctional communication while they’re still in the middle of it.

When partners are triggered, their nervous systems are activated. In that state, clarity, empathy, and understanding simply aren’t possible. Instead, couples often end up feeling like they’re failing, when really, they’re just trying to do emotional work at the wrong time.

Tarah and E.J. explain that the key is to pause intentionally. Using a tool like CodeWord, couples can step away, regulate, and reflect inward—identifying what they’re truly feeling and what got triggered. Then, when they come back together with an open heart, they can discuss the moment calmly and productively.

This isn’t avoidance—it’s strategy. It’s how couples learn to move through difficult moments without damaging connection and instead build emotional safety, understanding, and resilience.

💬 What helps you recognize when you need to pause before continuing a hard conversation?

10/22/2025

It’s Not Just What You Talk About—It’s How You Talk About It

In this clip, Tarah and E.J. discuss an essential but often overlooked part of relationship communication: that couples must not only process the content of a difficult moment, but also how they approach that moment.

Tarah shares that she often gives E.J. feedback after a conversation about how things could have gone better. But E.J. admits that in those moments, he sometimes isn’t ready to hear it—he’s still overwhelmed or stuck in a thought loop of “accounting”, feeling like she’s asking for her needs to be met while his are not.

They highlight how easily couples fall into this trap: focusing on the message rather than the state they’re in when having the conversation. When one partner is emotionally flooded or defensive, even helpful feedback can feel like criticism.

By learning to pause, regulate, and then re-engage, couples can turn these tense moments into opportunities for growth instead of cycles of frustration.

💬 How do you and your partner handle those moments when one of you isn’t ready to talk yet?

10/20/2025

Every Conflict Gives You a Choice

In this clip, Tarah and E.J. talk about a pivotal moment in relationships—the instant you’re confronted with a difficult behavior from your partner.

They describe it as a fork in the road:
You can either move toward
➡️ Frustration, anger, and judgment
or
➡️ Empathy and understanding

When you choose empathy, you’re not excusing the behavior—you’re choosing to see the deeper layers behind it. This shift opens the door to real connection and gives your partner the space to understand themselves more fully.

And when that happens, true change becomes possible—change that positively impacts you, your partner, and your relationship as a whole.

💬 Think about a recent conflict—did you take the path of empathy or frustration? How did it change the outcome?

10/18/2025

Why We React the Way We Do in Relationships

In this clip, E.J. and Tarah talk about the core of the Relationship Renovation Model—helping couples understand that the way we react during emotionally challenging moments isn’t random. These reactions, or adaptive behaviors, were often formed early in life as ways to cope with stress, fear, or disconnection.

They explain that when couples begin to recognize these patterns—not as flaws, but as protective strategies—they can finally stop blaming each other and start supporting one another with understanding and compassion.

The goal isn’t to eliminate emotion. It’s to become more intentional in those heightened moments, learning how to stay present, communicate clearly, and create emotional safety even when it’s hard.

This is how relationships transform—not by fixing a partner, but by understanding their story.

💬 Have you ever realized that a reaction in your relationship came from something much deeper than the moment itself?

Address

1717 N. Tucson Boulevard
Tucson, AZ
85716

Opening Hours

Monday 9am - 8pm
Tuesday 9am - 8pm
Wednesday 9am - 8pm
Thursday 9am - 8pm
Friday 9am - 8pm
Saturday 9am - 8pm
Sunday 9am - 8pm

Telephone

+15203722672

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