Autistic Therapist

12/21/2025

Minding your business is a portal to interpersonal peace

12/21/2025

I don't know about you all, but I find it harder to be in relationships with people who aren't able to set boundaries or share their real feelings with me.

Why?

Because I grew up in an enmeshed system where, as one of the more emotionally attuned people in my family, I became responsible for assuming and meeting a lot of other people's needs.
And that's exhausting.

And, when I started understanding my own limits and setting boundaries with others, it often didn't go smoothly or come out perfectly (and still often doesn't), and still often requires a few different conversations for us to get to a place of understanding.
It requires another person who is willing to sit with me in that discomfort.

I don't want to try to figure out what you need - I want you to be responsible for your limits and for communicating them to me. I don't want to try to guess which boundary I may have overstepped because I'm noticing that you're pulling back from the relationship.

And I want to trust that when I bring my uncomfortable feelings to you, that I won't be met with shame or a swinging door.

I want to be in relationship with people who don't see conflict as inherently bad, and are willing to be present, and I encourage you to adopt this perspective if you want to feel closer to the people in your life.

Conflict is a natural part of life and important part of developing intimacy and trust in our relationships - and so many of us struggle with it because we were never taught how to stay; how to be with someone's discomfort, and how to communicate through our own.

The Cycle Breakers Program begins January 21st, and the last third of this program is focused on interpersonal relationships, safe/unsafe systems, conflict, and communication.
This is a 12 month program for those committed to changing their relational patterns - those who have been doing the work and are working to practice walking the talk. Meeting themselves with greater compassion, practicing emotional self-management, and connecting with others as they break cycles for future generations.

If you want to learn more, I'm doing a live Q&A on Zoom this Friday.
Link below to register.
https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/cyclebreakerqa12026

12/21/2025

Sometimes, feeling out of step with the world is exactly the sign you’re still sane. Jeanette Winterson’s insight cuts through the noise of our frantic times, reminding us that the trouble often isn’t inside us but in the world we’re trying to navigate. She’s not just offering comfort; she’s flipping the script on what it means to be broken.

Winterson’s work from ‘Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit’ to her memoir ‘Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?’ has always explored the tension between an individual’s inner truth and a world that often feels fractured and hostile. Her writing refuses to pathologize difference or discomfort; instead, it invites us to consider how the world itself might be askew. This perspective feels urgent today when so many wrestle with anxiety, despair, and a sense that the social order is unravelling.

This idea finds resonance in the work of Rafia Zakaria, particularly in ‘Against White Feminism’, where she challenges the dominant narratives of normality by exposing how racial and colonial histories shape what society deems acceptable or sane. Zakaria’s critique reveals that the pressure to conform isn’t just personal; it’s political. When the world is structured to exclude or marginalize, feeling off might actually be a form of resistance rather than dysfunction.

Philosopher Elizabeth Grosz offers another compelling angle in ‘Chaos, Territory, Art’. She explores how bodies and identities are formed through encounters with disorder, suggesting that chaos isn’t just something to be feared or controlled but a generative force. Grosz’s reflections align with Winterson’s refusal to see discomfort as failure. Instead, both suggest that what we call derangement might be a necessary response to a world that’s itself out of joint.

There’s a quiet rebellion in recognizing that sometimes it’s the world that’s cracked, not you. This shift from self-blame to radical empathy invites us to hold space for the discomfort that comes from living authentically in a world that demands conformity. Jeanette Winterson’s words become a call to reframe mental health and social belonging, not as a quest to fit in but as an effort to stay true to what feels real, even when reality itself feels fractured.

In this light, the personal becomes political, and the struggle to stay whole becomes a shared human endeavour. Maybe that’s the kind of clarity we need most right now.

Image: University of Salford Press Office

12/21/2025

It's great to think about what we can do differently the next time we're struggling when we're in calm, regulated states.
When we can reason, think critically & abstractly, and get the reps in.

But the real work often comes when you're at the edge of your stretch zone —
when you've fallen back into an old pattern and you can feel the burn of shame.
You're here again.
And you've worked so hard not to be here.

But falling back into the old pattern is a big part of the process;
this is the opportunity to take a breath.
To pause,
insert space, and look around.
To even notice what's happening; to see the little things that bother you.
To notice how your body is responding to them.

And maybe you do fall back into the pattern.
But if you do anything different,
if you attune to your own body, thoughts, or feelings for even just a few moments this time,
if you didn't make the comment or waited a half hour longer before reaching for your old coping mechanism — that is progress.
That is disruption.
And it is something to be proud of.

Breaking old, deeply ingrained patterns takes time.
It takes reps to create those new pathways in the brain.
It takes practice to build that self-trust to know that you *can* do it differently.

And the more you do it, the more nuance you will see.
You'll get better at reading your own signals & pausing sooner.
At a certain point, it will become impossible not to take steps in the direction your body is guiding you toward — because you know, you *know* what happens when you don't listen to yourself.

And it often takes falling back into that old pattern quite a few times to really start to build the momentum to really change old patterns.
You're not failing because you fell into the pattern again.
Use it. Learn from it. Respond differently in the aftermath.
Meet yourself & the other people with compassion.
Keep going.

If you're in this space, the year long Cycle Breakers program beginning in January might be just the space for you. A small group lead by me where you work on identifying and shifting your old patterns in a small group of likeminded, dedication people.
Space is very limited, sign up at the link below:
https://theeqschool.co/cycle-breakers

Want to learn more? Sign up for the live Q&A Friday!
https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/cyclebreakerqa12026

12/21/2025

Get some rest today 🧘🏿‍♀️

12/21/2025

“One of the hardest things about being chronically ill is that most people find what you’re going through incomprehensible—if they believe you *are* going through it,” Meghan O’Rourke writes. Read her Personal History, from 2013, about living with an autoimmune disease, and her struggle to find the right diagnosis and care plan: https://newyorkermag.visitlink.me/2NUOXI

12/20/2025

“Your helplessness, dependence are anxiolytic to the narcissist.

Narcissist feels safe (no abandonment anxiety) when you are sick, weak, disabled, disoriented, needy, dysregulated or otherwise impaired and feels out of control/threatened when you are strong and successful.

Added incentive to keep you this way: his rescuer/savior/guru role also provides him with supply.

Narcissist feels entitled to your feebleness and dependency. He perceives your health, resilience, strength, personal autonomy and agency not only as threats but as forms of aggression which deserves punishment. “

Your helplessness, dependence are anxiolytic to the narcissist.Narcissist feels safe (no abandonment anxiety) when you are sick, weak, disabled, disoriented,...

12/20/2025

Since beginning my work in private practice at , my life has changed in the most meaningful and affirming of ways. I feel immense gratitude for my clients, my colleagues, my supervisee, and especially Drue—whose steady support, belief in me, and genuine care for both my professional and personal growth have meant more than I can put into words.

I am deeply thankful to work in a space where my skills are valued, my contributions are honored, and my growth, ideas, and contributions are encouraged and celebrated.

While 2025 has been rough in many ways to say the least for so many of us including myself, my professional life and personal growth have been profoundly nourishing—and I don’t take that for granted for a single moment.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Wishing everyone a gentle holiday season and a new year filled with peace, care, and possibility. May peace be with us all. 🤍

12/19/2025

I'm excited to share that our paper is published!

Transgender and gender diverse autistic adults’ experiences of (un)belonging

With Steven Kapp and Charlotte Morris.

Abstract:

Clinical impressions suggest a significant overlap of autistic as well as transgender and gender diverse identities, implying a need for research that explores TGD autistic experiences in greater depth, including experiences of (un)belonging.

We shared trans and gender diverse autistic adults’ experiences of belonging and unbelonging to contribute to knowledge around their lived experiences. We present findings from biographical narrative interpretive interviews with thirteen trans and gender diverse autistic people (aged 20–50). We used reflexive thematic analysis to generate themes across three levels of belonging: macro, meso and micro. Analysis within these levels clarified (un)belonging within power dynamics and structures, as well as collective and individual identities.

Participants discussed their experiences of (un)belonging across three levels: macro, encompassing work and volunteering; meso, including education, gender identity healthcare, and neurodivergent groups and spaces; and micro, including relationships and creating chosen families. Participants faced workplace exclusion and healthcare gatekeeping, often turning to self-employment or community spaces for inclusion. Some found belonging in autistic or q***r communities, while others struggled with accessibility and sensory barriers.

Chosen families and communal living were key sources of affirmation and support for participants, highlighting how belonging for TGD autistic people can be shaped through intersecting structural, social, and interpersonal factors.


https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0338569&?utm_id=plos111&utm_source=internal&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=author

12/19/2025

Content from Megan Cornish, a mental health strategist.

“Mental health has become the pressure valve systems use to offload costs they created.

What used to be a balance sheet problem now gets relabeled as an individual one. Once it is labeled that way, it becomes billable.

Take burnout.

Burnout is not mysterious. It rises when people are underpaid, understaffed, and pushed past sustainable limits. Turnover increases, errors increase, sick days increase. Companies know how to reduce it: higher pay, adequate staffing, realistic workloads.

Those fixes cost money. They reduce margins and returns.

So instead, burnout gets reframed as a personal mental health issue. Employees are expected to cope. Companies outsource the problem to vendors who can bill for resilience training, apps, coaching, or therapy.

The same pattern shows up with loneliness. Calling it a “loneliness epidemic” shifts a community failure onto individuals. Rebuilding community is expensive. Treating loneliness as a personal condition is cheaper.

Parents enter therapy for anxiety driven by housing insecurity. Kids get evaluated because classrooms are overwhelmed. Workers get medicated because their jobs never allow them to feel safe or settled.

Mental health becomes the catch all because it is one of the few remaining places where we don't have to solve problems in ways that don't stimulate stock prices.

We stripped margin from work, childcare, education, and community. We converted it into returns. People were left with less buffer and more strain. Instead of reversing that extraction, we send individuals to therapy.

Clinicians are now holding what are often normal human responses to unstable systems.

This matters because clarity matters.

When fixing housing, childcare, labor conditions, or community lowers therapy demand, that does not point to illness. It points to stressors.

When distress resolves as material conditions stabilize, no disease was cured.

And when “send them to therapy” becomes the default response to structural failure, clinicians are being asked to absorb the work of an entire society.

That is not sustainable.”

12/18/2025

Sensory Processing Disorder can manifest in different ways! Here is information you need to know about some of the possible different responses to sensory input.