Kelley Donovan, LCSW

10/11/2025

It's never really about the dishes...

Why dividing household labor is about control and autonomy

08/25/2025

https://open.substack.com/pub/dearcouples/p/what-to-do-right-after-discovering?r=5y87nu&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

The first steps, whether you’re the betrayed or the betrayer

08/03/2025

Can Love Survive Political Differences?
It used to be kind of charming when couples disagreed on politics. But today, those differences can feel like dealbreakers. In this post, I explore how to stay connected—even when you don’t vote the same way. From rehumanizing your partner to setting healthy boundaries, there is a way forward.

A Very Modern Challenge

08/02/2025

Here’s What to Do in the Meantime

07/02/2025

Why do we hurt the ones we love? In every relationship, couples get stuck in a painful cycle—one withdraws, the other pursues, and both end up feeling misunderstood and alone. But what if those frustrating moves aren’t about not caring… but actually about trying to protect the relationship? In my latest post, I share how Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy helps us see the positive intention behind the painful behaviors—and how that simple reframe can change everything. If you’ve ever wondered why the same fight keeps happening—or why your partner reacts the way they do—this one’s for you.

What if the most frustrating thing your partner does… is actually their way of protecting your connection?

06/30/2025

Are You Fighting to Win… or to Stay Together?
Every couple argues—but not every couple knows how to fight well. The problem isn’t that you fight; it’s how. What if the enemy wasn’t each other, but the pattern you’re stuck in? In this post, I’ll show you how to shift from fighting against your partner to fighting for your relationship—through simple changes in mindset, language, and teamwork. It’s not always easy, but it’s absolutely worth it.

Let’s be honest—every couple fights.

06/27/2025

https://dearcouples.substack.com/?r=5y87nu&utm_campaign=pub-share-checklist

Reflections, guidance, and honesty from a couples therapist. Whether you're navigating communication struggles, emotional distance, fights, or impasses, these are the things I wish all couples knew. Click to read Dear Couples, a Substack publication. Launched 32 minutes ago.

05/30/2025

04/02/2025

https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-conflict-solvable-vs-perpetual-problems/

When thinking about conflict in a relationship, it is important to understand the difference between a solvable problem, a perpetual problem, and a gridlocked perpetual problem.