Real Connections Counseling

01/26/2026

Intimacy collapses the moment exposure replaces respect.

When nakedness gets sold as connection, the relationship quietly shifts from mutual presence to possession. What looks like vulnerability becomes entitlement. What sounds like honesty becomes demand. Over time, the body gets mistaken for access, and the soul becomes collateral damage.

True connection never strips another person down to feel powerful. Real intimacy protects dignity, honors agency, and leaves both people more whole than before. Anything else may feel intense, but intensity alone cannot sustain love. It only wounds, disconnects, and teaches people to confuse closeness with control.

This matters because abuse often hides behind language that sounds relational. It borrows words like connection, honesty, and vulnerability while quietly eroding safety and spirit. Naming the difference becomes an act of protection, not provocation.

Being seen requires safety.
Being known requires honor.

01/26/2026

These words exist because confusion around intimacy causes real harm.

Being seen gets mistaken for exposure. Vulnerability gets confused with surrender. Honesty gets twisted into access. Over time, that confusion becomes justification for stripping another person of agency, dignity, and spirit, especially inside marriage, where trust should be safest.

Here’s the hard truth about connection & relationships: intimacy does not come from taking more from someone. Real connection emerges when presence, respect, and restraint remain intact. The more a relationship demands exposure without protection, the less space there is for knowing one another at all.

Spousal abuse rarely begins with violence. It begins with entitlement. It begins when one person decides they are owed access, emotion, body, or compliance, and mistakes that demand for closeness.

Being seen requires safety.
Being known requires honor.
Anything else leaves people barely visible.

01/14/2026

Engineer your life.

In other words, your job is to design. Design your days. Design your habits. Design the systems around you that either drain you or protect you.

Chronic pain teaches consequence, good or bad. Every choice moves energy somewhere. Every habit either preserves it or spends it.

Our hope is to set habits, not goals. Goals often leave us exposed. Goals sit on a finish line and wait. Life doesn’t work that way. Life does not stop at finish lines.

Habits move you forward. Habits give direction. Habits shape a life long before motivation ever shows up.

Work demands attention. Home demands presence. A healthy life gives each its own time and its own space. That separation protects energy. Preserved energy creates resilience. Resilience keeps a body capable.

Opportunity does not arrive by luck.
Opportunity does not appear through drive alone.

Opportunity comes by design.

Engineer your life.

01/12/2026

People don’t respond to reality.

They respond to the story they told themselves about it.

Assumptions feel powerful.
Certainty feels comfortable.
Both usually miss the truth.

That’s how you end up confident… and wrong.

Read slower.
Listen longer.
Ask better questions.

Strong relationships don’t survive on assumptions.
They grow through understanding.

01/07/2026

If you're hurting in silence, you're not alone. Sometimes we need someone to sit beside us, ask if we need to yell at somebody, and just validate what's inside.

It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to ask for help.

We are Rick & Monique Elgersma at Real Connections Counseling and Coaching. We do relationships here. Let's break the stigma together.

01/01/2026

Make your best relationship happen and become a better version of yourself in 2026!

12/26/2025

The first real connection. God with us.

Emmanuel.

Christmas means God chose to be here.

With people.
With families.
With real, everyday life.

In our homes.
In our relationships.

Moments that makes sense. Moments we question.

From all of us at Real Connections,
we’re grateful for the people we get to walk with and the connections that matter most.

Wishing you a Christmas marked by presence, love, and togetherness.

Be the We.
— Real Connections Counseling & Coaching 

12/24/2025

A Real Conversation About Real Connections

Monique and I joined Dr. Debra Dantzler on the G33ky Clinicians Podcast, and it was a really good conversation. Easy. Honest. And fun!

Deb brings a sharp clinical mind and a clear business perspective without losing the human side of the work. She’s also a dear friend, which made this time with her all the more enjoyable.

We talked about slowing the work down.
Why time matters in therapy.
How connection builds resilience.
What it looks like to integrate counseling and coaching without losing depth.
How faith and story shape the Real Connections way.

We’re glad this episode is releasing during the holidays. This season asks a lot of relationships.

Watch it now. Hope you enjoy it. Reach out to us and ask us about how we coach relationships of all kinds for couples to business relationships. And talk to us about counseling when things get hard. The Real Connections way just works.

Watch here:
https://youtu.be/k22sSvaRgKg

If you host a podcast or platform that values real conversation and relational depth, we’d love to join you.
Deb, thanks for having us. Merry Christmas to the G33ky Clinicians community.

🎉 Live Now! Just in time for the holidays, join us for a heartwarming and insightful episode of the G33ky Clinicians Podcast featuring Rick and Monique Elgersma from Real Connections Counseling and Coaching.

Discover how their Real Connections System brings story, faith, and relationship together to create deep, lasting transformation. Whether you're navigating your own healing or walking with others in their growth, this episode is a gift of wisdom, connection, and hope.

💬 Tune in as we discuss:

Long-form therapy and why time matters

Building resilience through connection

Integrating coaching and counseling

Healing relationships with faith and narrative

📺 Watch now: https://youtu.be/k22sSvaRgKg

💛 From all of us at G33ky Clinicians, Happy Holidays and thank you for being part of our community!

12/18/2025

Alyssa, our grief counselor is speaking on grief in July 2026 at Aloha Summits & Deeper Diving Retreats, Summits & Adventures, LLC! Come join us in Kauai! For those interested, please visit www.alohasummits.com for more info!

Our Aloha Summits are on the beautiful islands of Hawai'i with other MHP's where you can earn APA, ASWB, and NBCC approved CE credits.

12/17/2025

This video explores the tension between accomplishment and chronic pain, and the quiet harm caused when disabled lives get reduced to “inspiration.” It challenges the idea that strength must always perform and argues for a more human way of honoring achievement, struggle, and shared pursuit without turning people into motivational props.

12/10/2025

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