The Third Option International

The Third Option International The Third Option is an on-going skills based group program to build better marriages. Each of the fo Painful endurance or divorce?

Many of us manage our marriage as a series of choices between “His” desires and “Her “desires. We may choose either end of the balance line: either “Peace at any price” or “Letting it all hang out.” Why do we see only two options? Both options fail to bring us together, but instead tend to move us to extremes. Break through the clutter of past baggage and misunderstandings. Find the healthy middle ground, a program called THIRD OPTION. Third Option is an on-going skills based group program that has been building healthy marriages since 1988. Each 14 session cycle covers a comprehensive set of tools useful for developing better understanding, sensitivity and trust while learning more effective speaking and listening skills. The Third Option means reconciliation. When couples are struggling they will say they have “tried everything” but what they usually mean is they have tried the same two extreme options over and over, never finding what works. (Example: they have stuffed their anger, or they have attacked with it. Neither will give them the marriages they want.) The Third Option combines skill-building workshops and sharing from mentor couples with a peer support group that is caring and accepting.

02/20/2026

Happy marriage tip of the day.

02/18/2026

Everybody talks about communication in marriage.

But nobody talks about restraint.

Nobody talks about the discipline of biting your tongue when you could win the argument.
Nobody talks about choosing silence long enough to calm down.
Nobody talks about realizing that not every thought needs to be spoken just because you felt it.

Maturity in marriage is not pretending you are not upset.
It is deciding your covenant is more important than your reaction.

Sometimes protecting your marriage does not look like a grand romantic gesture.
Sometimes it looks like pausing.
Breathing.
Softening your tone.
Rewriting the text.
Walking away for five minutes so you do not say something that leaves a scar.

Strong marriages are not built by people who never get emotional.
They are built by people who refuse to let emotion lead.

🤍🤍🤍

02/17/2026
02/17/2026

02/17/2026

This is definitely a favorite quote of ours. Is it saying that all wives must stay home while husbands pursue their careers? Not at all! It's about mutual enjoyment.

Here are some thoughts.

Wives have a unique ability to create atmosphere and culture in the home—whether they're home or out at work most of the day.

Fierce wife, are you creating a home culture that is full of peace, love, gratitude, and grace? Or is home a place of chaos and strife?

But the husband is not without responsibility for his home's culture as well.

Husbands have a unique ability to create security in the home; and not just financial security. A husband who loves and leads his family like Christ will be a protector, a peace maker, and a provider on all levels.

Fierce husband, are your actions perpetuating security in Christ? Are you a source of strength and love for your wife and kids, or are you aloof and disconnected?

If you're a provider of good things (in Christ, by His grace alone) to your family, they'll hate to see you leave.

Fierce couples, may your household be a place filled with longing for one another. And may your reuniting every day be a joyful occasion!

Much love,
Ryan & Selena Frederick

02/16/2026

Love—true love—isn't easy. It requires commitment, work, perseverance, and the ability to remember why you've chosen to love someone... especially when they're 'unloveable'.

Marriage is not a contract for this very reason. Instead, it's a covenant. God's covenant with his people bound him to act in love and go the most extreme measures (even death on the cross) to redeem them. Our earthly covenants are neon signs pointing to the eternal covenant of God with his people—with us.

In light of God's design for covenant, every moment in marriage becomes a neon sign pointing us to the gospel. Each amazing experience is a testimony of God's goodness and unmerited grace over our lives. Every difficult moment is a call back to the inexhaustible well of Christ's living water—his joy, his hope, his peace, and most of all, his love.

True love—covenant love—doesn't depend on emotion to exist. It doesn't hold the other's heart ransom by withholding affection until demands are met. True love is generous. True love hastily engages in the actions of love regardless of whether or not the feelings accompany it.

How can you show true love to your spouse today? What would be different if you did? As in every case, look to Christ. The gospel reminds us that we are secure, loved, set apart, and adopted into God's eternal family. Let that truth pe*****te your heart, then watch as it permeates your marriage.

Much love,
Ryan and Selena

02/14/2026

"Many Ways To Say I Love You" - Day 14

143= I Love You
Fred Rogers considered the number "143" to be a very special number. He once said "It takes one letter to say I and four letters to say love and three letters to say you."

02/14/2026

You can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness! Anne Frank

02/13/2026

A game that helps you deepen your romantic relationship through increasingly deep conversations & shared activities. 100 Question Cards spark deep conversations that inspire connection, compassion, and vulnerability. 40 Activity Cards add elements of courage and play into the experience. Start w...

02/12/2026

More marriages die from neglect than anything else. Work hard to build a great marriage.

❤️ Follow Trey & Lea for more marriage & family tips.

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Our Story

Many of us manage marriage as a series of choices between “His” desires and “Her “desires. We may choose either end of the balance line either “Peace at any price” or “Letting it all hang out.” Why do we see only two options? Painful endurance or divorce? Both options fail to bring us together, but instead tend to move us to extremes. Break through the clutter of past baggage and misunderstandings. Find the healthy middle ground, a program called THIRD OPTION. Third Option is an on-going skills based group program that has been building healthy marriages since 1988. Each 14 session cycle covers a comprehensive set of tools useful for developing better understanding, sensitivity and trust while learning more effective speaking and listening skills. The Third Option means reconciliation. When couples are struggling they will say they have “tried everything” but what they usually mean is they have tried the same two extreme options over and over, never finding what works. (Example: they have stuffed their anger, or they have attacked with it. Neither will give them the marriages they want.) The Third Option combines skill-building workshops and sharing from mentor couples with a peer support group that is caring and accepting.