06/16/2023
Another great post from The Holistic Psychologist
I’ve dedicated my life’s work to understanding trauma and teaching people how to heal. I believe we have family systems and wider systems that create traumatic environments. These environments shape our personality, our self image, and how we relate to other people.
Unprocessed trauma puts people into survival mode. Life is lived in the defensive. In survival mode our nervous system is primed to protect us from threats. We struggle to have empathy, to collaborate, or to have higher patterns of thinking. Survival behaviors can be highly dysfunctional. They’re learned by the coping mechanisms we witness from adults as children.
Trauma symptoms and responses come up most in interpersonal relationships. The more intimate and close the relationship, the more pronounced the responses.
In order to heal our trauma we need 2 main things:
1. Self compassion: I’ve had experiences that have led me to behaviors that keep me safe.
2. Self accountability: I am responsible for my responses—how they impact me and others.
It can feel incredibly infuriating to know we carry these behaviors from our past. We might feel angry or like we shouldn’t have to deal with them, and that’s valid. But as adults, we do need to deal with them. We do need to face the mirror. We do need to say: I didn’t cause this, but I will learn healthier ways to cope with life around me.
When we engage in unsafe, hurtful, or dysfunctional behaviors *and we all engage in these behaviors* we can pause, reflect, forgive ourselves and commit to doing better.
We can be the adult our younger self needed.
We can build the healthy relationship few of us ever saw.
We can break the cycle of dysfunction by committing to learning, growing, and evolving beyond our primitive lizard brain.
We can say: I will live in safety and that safety starts with me