01/20/2026
Have you ever found yourself snapping at your partner over something small, like the dishes or a missed text, and then wondering, “Why am I so angry?”
If you’re noticing a "short fuse" or a growing wall between you and your spouse, you aren’t alone.
These are often the quiet signs of resentment.
I like to think of resentment as an emotional alarm system; it’s your heart’s way of saying,
"I don't feel seen, I don't feel valued, and I don't feel safe."
What this really means is that there’s an underlying "cycle" happening.
When we feel unheard or unimportant, we often do one of two things:
we either "push" to get our partner's attention (through snapping or keeping score),
or we "pull away" to protect ourselves from more hurt.
Neither of these makes you a "bad" partner, they are just ways your attachment system is trying to cope with the disconnection.
The first step to softening resentment is simply acknowledging it’s there. When we name it, we can start to look at what’s underneath it.
I’d love to hear from you:
Which of these signs do you notice most in your own life?
Or, what is one "small thing" that usually triggers that feeling of irritation?
Let’s hold space for each other in the comments.
Click the link in my bio to read the full blog post.
https://www.communicateandconnect.com/resources/resentment-in-marriage/
- Dr. Elizabeth Polinsky
…
…
…
