Jennifer Coke, Professional Counselor

12/22/2025

12/21/2025

It's great to think about what we can do differently the next time we're struggling when we're in calm, regulated states.
When we can reason, think critically & abstractly, and get the reps in.

But the real work often comes when you're at the edge of your stretch zone —
when you've fallen back into an old pattern and you can feel the burn of shame.
You're here again.
And you've worked so hard not to be here.

But falling back into the old pattern is a big part of the process;
this is the opportunity to take a breath.
To pause,
insert space, and look around.
To even notice what's happening; to see the little things that bother you.
To notice how your body is responding to them.

And maybe you do fall back into the pattern.
But if you do anything different,
if you attune to your own body, thoughts, or feelings for even just a few moments this time,
if you didn't make the comment or waited a half hour longer before reaching for your old coping mechanism — that is progress.
That is disruption.
And it is something to be proud of.

Breaking old, deeply ingrained patterns takes time.
It takes reps to create those new pathways in the brain.
It takes practice to build that self-trust to know that you *can* do it differently.

And the more you do it, the more nuance you will see.
You'll get better at reading your own signals & pausing sooner.
At a certain point, it will become impossible not to take steps in the direction your body is guiding you toward — because you know, you *know* what happens when you don't listen to yourself.

And it often takes falling back into that old pattern quite a few times to really start to build the momentum to really change old patterns.
You're not failing because you fell into the pattern again.
Use it. Learn from it. Respond differently in the aftermath.
Meet yourself & the other people with compassion.
Keep going.

If you're in this space, the year long Cycle Breakers program beginning in January might be just the space for you. A small group lead by me where you work on identifying and shifting your old patterns in a small group of likeminded, dedication people.
Space is very limited, sign up at the link below:
https://theeqschool.co/cycle-breakers

Want to learn more? Sign up for the live Q&A Friday!
https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/cyclebreakerqa12026

12/19/2025

⚠️ If this hit you in the gut…
there’s a reason. You’ve been carrying pain you never asked for, and chasing love that only hurt you more.

That’s exactly why I wrote these two books

Chasing Love That Hurts: This book is for the ones who know they’re stuck, obsessing over someone who’s hot and cold, unavailable, or already moved on… but your mind won’t let go.

It breaks down limerence, that addictive emotional high, the fantasies, the self-abandonment, the anxiety and helps you understand why you feel this way, and how to set yourself free. It’s not just about letting them go… it’s about coming back home to yourself.

I Didn’t Choose to Be Born: This one goes even deeper to the roots. It’s for the ones raised by emotionally distant, critical, selfish, or narcissistic parents. The ones who never felt safe, never felt seen, and learned to shrink themselves to keep the peace.

This book helps you finally name what happened, process it, and begin the journey of reclaiming your voice, your worth, and your identity without guilt. Because whether your wounds began in childhood, or were triggered by a love that mirrored your deepest fears, healing is possible. But it begins with choosing yourself.

Start your healing via the link here: https://linktr.ee/traumatorecovery

12/17/2025

Life changes when you stay present to it.

When you no longer avoid discomfort or identify with it.
When you can learn how to be present to all of you — the beautiful, generous, creative parts, as well as the selfish, shameful, reactive parts.

When you can extend love inward as well as outward.
When you don't need to run, escape, or fight off because you trust yourself to make grounded decisions based on what works for you, in that moment.
You trust yourself to continue to change, grow, and open.

You trust yourself to move through embarrassment, grief, overwhelm, and exhaustion.
And you trust yourself to receive joy, love, and tenderness.

When your connection to you is so strong that you know you won't lose yourself in others anymore, so it feels safer to sit beside them, enjoy them, connect with them, and take care of yourself, too.

It open you to a world of new experiences — because you're not operating out of projections and self-protection.
You are able to protect yourself, but from a place of grounded presence instead of pre-emptive fear.

Which means - you let new things happen.
New relationships, new creative opportunities, new work, and stretches in new directions you didn't know were possible.

Yesterday we closed part 1 of the September Cycle Breakers, and so many people softened, opened, laughed, cried, and connected. It's hard to describe what life can feel like when you have a safe container to learn how to meet yourself more fully.

If you're still on the fence, I'll be doing a live Q&A session on Zoom on Friday, December 26th. Sign up at the link below and I'll send you the link to join. You just listen or ask questions (and get to know me a little better before you commit :)
https://theeqschool.myflodesk.com/cyclebreakerqa12026

12/16/2025

If today feels heavy, remember… nothing stays the same forever.
Change is always moving, and you still have agency in where you take your next step.
One moment, one choice at a time. ❤️‍🩹

🪶

12/15/2025

Feelings are meant to be felt✨

Reclaim your power over your emotions by naming the feeling, sitting with it, and moving forward.

Suppressing or fearing our emotions only makes them stronger and more difficult to manage.

Our feelings are there for a reason— they help us to have a deeper understanding of ourselves.

To develop of confidence, self-awareness, and loving relationship with yourself— give yourself permission to feel your feelings💕

Xo,

12/14/2025