https://www.facebook.com/103430284578327/

Andrea Kinnaugh, LMFT, Wake Forest, NC (2025)

12/26/2025

wishing you merry mindfulness this holiday season

12/11/2025

With the color of 2026 being a shade of white, it kinda echos what I'm seeing in dating culture - some are wanting their person to be a blank slate with all the crispness of a no wrinkle life. This want makes relationships, real relationships, impossible.

People are messy and life is messy. Our tolerance and coping with the mess becomes essential, or we just keep swiping on new people until the crisp gets wrinkled and then we swipe again, and again, etc.

In a time where we have more language around red flags, attachment styles, and all types of ethical relationship set ups, we seem to have moved away from getting to know people and have moved into inspecting people. Now I get having criteria, but someone coming at you with clipboard eyes is not fun and definitely not bringing out the vulnerability.

So here is the kindest nudge to remember that no one is going to be perfect, including you. The quicker we can drop those masks, the quicker we can get to the real good stuff of messy, authentic connection.

12/04/2025

Anger is a valid and unavoidable emotion that, unfortunately, very few learn how to control. When they do have control, there is safety, which allows for those hard and messy conversations to be had.

But when there isn't control, the anger turns into lashing out. This should always be an ick but so often this is where I tend to see some making excuses - they're going through something, they had a bad day, someone must have done something to upset them, etc, etc.

So here are the rules for fighting that I go over with every relational client:
- Once the argument starts, both are to take a step away from each other to create space
- If you are in a doorway or exit, move, so the other person can freely leave if they want
- Do not follow or chase
- Name calling or cruel statements puts the fight in an automatic break for 15 min because no adult has to stand there & listen to that
- No blocking access to or car keys
- No touching until both agree that the fight is over

If you struggle with these, here is your nudge to do your work.

11/26/2025

There are lots of wonderful and needed posts about managing the relational stresses of the holidays but not as many about highlighting who you are EXCITED to be around. Mindset plays a lot into our perception of an experience. Walking into a room and dreading seeing that one relative is a very different experience than walking into the same room excited about seeing someone else.
So, maybe this holiday, instead of managing or fixing, lean into the relationships that are thriving and find the fun.

To help with focusing on the fun and not the fixing this holiday season, I'm going to pass on to you one of my favorite tools - it's called the sliding door. It's a helpful little gem that allows you to modify and adapt to every social interaction to your comfort level.

Picture in your mind's eye, standing in front of a sliding door that has both a screen and a glass door. This is your door that no one else can see, and it is always in between you and whoever you're chatting with.

If you are having a very comfortable banter with someone, both the metaphorical screen and glass doors will be wide open...

If you're not feeling as engaged or your energy is low, you may choose to close the screen door to give yourself a little bit of filter...

If things are starting to feel over stimulating, you may choose to close the glass door. This is a stronger filter, but it allows you to still participate without dissociating...

You can open and adjust this door at any time, and no one has to know that you're doing it. My nudge for you is to spend more time with those where your door can be fully open.

11/18/2025

Hello, hello to November. The days are officially shorter, the nights are officially cooler, and I have officially started listening to holiday music. So much of this time of year is connected to traditions. Whether it comes from family, friends, or chosen family, traditions ground us in these nuggets of predictability that bring us comfort and care. I will never get bored by what traditions people have, hearing the stories behind them, or inviting them to rewrite or create their own.

As for the playlist this month, it is inspired by going out the night before Thanksgiving in your hometown and the endless possibilities of who you could run into.

As for the glimmers...
A scarf that fancies things up while being super cozy, thrifted crystal glasses that I hope some how the previous owners know how much I love them, a creamer cow because coffee and tea are just instantly elevated by its presence, a bowl of nuts and one of these crackers is still one of my favorite holiday traditions, an album that somehow matches all the vibes while entertaining, whether its a mock or a c**k this book has amazing recipes, and my fancy china that gets their moment to shine.

As always, I hope your days have moments of fun and ease.

11/13/2025

As a relational therapist, I LOVE that being in a romantic relationship is no longer considered an achievement. Before some of you come at me , I'm not anti - relationship. I love relationships. What I also love is this shift where we're prioritizing the healthiness of romantic relationships versus the status of being in one.

When romantic relationships are no longer the prize, it gives breathing room on the whole dating scene. This means we get to flex those not dating, single muscles, and embrace being alone. Which leads to the question - how good are you at being alone??

Attachment style includes how we attach to ourselves.... because we have a relationship with ourselves. Do you know how to take care of those dysregulated, anxious parts of you with care? Do you understand your needs and how to meet them without minimizing their importance? Have you always counted on someone else to manage those things???

Creating comfort in our aloneness is just as important as our ability to build all types of relationships. The healthier you can embrace spending time with your own weird hotness, the healthier you will show up in your relationships. Most importantly, when you decide to date again, you'll be craving those with a sweet secure attachment to themselves and less tolerant of those who can't be on their own.

11/06/2025

I'm of the belief that humans get to be messy, but they do not get to be hurtful. In some relational sessions, especially those coming to therapy with high conflict, I will hear one or both people say something along the lines that their person knew what they were like and that asking them to change their behavior feels like control and a complete rejection of them as a person. To that, I say, if they know the behavior is hurtful towards a person they care about, what is making them hold on to it??

Sometimes, consciously or subconsciously, we want to see if someone will still pick us even if we show them our most awful and hurtful parts. There are plenty of movies, songs, books, etc that highlight this exact pattern of proving that if someone can love us at our worst, that is true love. That my dears, besides begin a huge oof, is hurtful at minimum but can also move into abuse territory.

Here is your nudge to see the rejection of the behavior as an invitation for some needed self reflection. How are you expecting the person to respond when you do or say those things? Is that a fair ask? Have they shared with you that they don't like it when you do that, but you still do it any way - how come? Who knows, you may want to change some things based on what you find.

10/30/2025

Did you know that metaphors are an actual clinical tool?? Metaphors accomplish the delicate balance of softening a hard topic while also making the abstract concrete. In this post, a door symbolically can be many things - your life, your career, your heart, .... or any other place you can choose to have someone enter.

With that said, many people come to therapy to problem solve someone else. They want to know why this person cannot commit, take the next step, or choose them. These are fair questions, but the real question is not about the other person - it's about them. How come they are choosing to put their wants on hold and wait for someone or something??

Many worry if they close the door, the opportunity won't come back, again. Instead, the thinking about it can feel way better than actually feeling it. What I have to say to that is, beautiful, they've already rejected you - why are you holding the door to see if they will do it again??

When someone has passed us by and then decides they want a second chance, that chance is your choice. Here's your nudge to make them knock and then decide whether or not they deserve a second look.

10/22/2025

Hello, hello to October! Such a gorgeous month with a bittersweet touch. It's the beginning of sweater weather and the holidays, but with each falling leaf, it symbolically represents change and the end of a life cycle.

This month has been an especially heavy one for me. We said goodbye to our old man pup and had our final celebration of life for my dad. So much of the therapeutic work that I do is around not fearing the emotions associated with loss and actually feeling them. Personally, they're not my favorite to feel either, but one of the things I adore about humans is that we are gifted with the opportunity to love knowing full well it cannot last forever. It makes absolutely no sense that we choose such a path, and yet it's beautiful.

This month's playlist dances with your imagination, peaks at the skeletons in your closet, and maybe makes the spooky vibes sexy.

As for the glimmers ✨️

Nothing says fall like a cute pair of loafers, a spooky film with a cute date is a perfect October night for me (this is one of my favorites), I love a decorative taper and these corn ones are lovely, I hold onto seasonal magazines - this Martha is circa 2018 and continues to serve, candy corn just says Halloween and chews like plastic in the best way, and how can it be October without pumpkins, right?!

I hope this month brings you moments of fun and ease ✨️✨️✨️

10/16/2025

I had a professor in grad school ask me what I believed controlled people the most - their thoughts, feelings, or behaviors?
They said my belief would determine the type of therapy and theories I would subscribe to. My answer - none of those exist without informing the other - hense why I'm a systemic therapist, who leans into somatic, experiential, and holistic practices. Obviously 💅🏻

It can say a lot when figuring out what order you typically process those three. Like, It's a very different experience to think, feel, and act compared to act, feel, and think - right??

So is there a best order?? Honestly, there's too much context and nuance to sort, pivot, and explain all the decision tree options. So, to simplify, here are some examples to ponder:
Rarely does acting first benefit anyone unless it's a crisis or comfort response.
Feeling first is beautiful and supports congruency, but it usually needs thinking to be next.
Thinking is the safest start, but if it jumps to acting without feeling, the action can be dismissive

The true magic is accepting that all three are present and that you get to decide which order best suits you and your relationships.

10/02/2025

To yearn is to crave someone. It lives in the anticipatory tension of what has already happened and the fantasy of what is to come. Most importantly, it's the knowing that no one else will do.

Most of the gorgeous, s**tty books out there are built on the recipe of yearning. But it appears that outside of the fantasy realms, this is something the current dating climate of situationships and long term relationships turned roommates seem to be lacking according to some clients and confirmed by the baristas I spoke with this morning.

So how do you yearn??

While there is no exact recipe, at its core, it's about cultivating desire instead of focusing on a conquest. It's the highest level of a sexual, emotional IQ because not only are you leaning into vulnerability and sentiment, but you're able to put your ego aside and take the risk to be fully seen. You are willing to show an unwavering commitment to their desires and your pursuit of them.

Just like all good things, this includes a cautionary tale. I often find that people think they are yearning for those who have already rejected them or for those that they let slip away. My dear, please do not confuse yearning with the longing that comes with grief.

**t

09/24/2025

When I work with artists / creatives, I like to ask them which parts of their work they want to hold just for themselves?? For actors or dancers, it could be what parts of their body they want only seen or touched by their chosen persons?? For all, we explore which emotions and stories they want to protect.

These questions act as a reminder that just because we have so much to give, it doesn't mean we have to share it.

Vulnerability was never meant to be unconditional. We get to choose which parts of ourselves or our work others are deserving to see or experience. As someone who was in dance companies, I never thought much about how much of my body was shown on stage, but I loved the choice to hide it when I wasn't. It gave me the autonomy to share it off stage with those who I really wanted to see the non-performing, real me. The same can be true about what topics people write about, the types of painting they do, the music they play - there can be a public and a private version.

What makes us feel exposed or vulnerable is different for everyone. In a culture that is so public with social media, I think it's important to know that you get to refrain from sharing the best pieces of you with the masses. You can even just keep them to yourself - those gems are yours.

Andrea Kinnaugh, LMFT

12/26/2025

12/11/2025

12/04/2025

11/26/2025

11/18/2025

11/13/2025

11/06/2025

10/30/2025

10/22/2025

10/16/2025

10/02/2025

09/24/2025

Address

Website

Alerts

Contact The Practice

Shortcuts

Share

Category