Suzanne Miller Friedman, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist

01/19/2022

This quote, paraphrased, comes from an episode of the Netflix crime drama series The Fall. (spoiler ahead).

In the scene, Investigator Stella Gibson is responding to a query by Rose Stagg’s husband, Thomas. Thomas cannot understand why Rose did not fight back when taken by sexual serial predator and killer Paul Spector. Surely, he thinks, she would have screamed or fought, or attempted to escape.

Gibson’s words accurately illustrate what can happen to any of us when our life is in imminent danger. Our nervous system’s built-in emergency response will bypass fight / flight and instinctively chooses the freeze state. When that happens, neither fight nor flight is possible.

A freeze state shuts down our ability to make choices. As Gibson concludes, “In that state of fear she might well have been compliant. She might well have submitted. But that does not mean she consented.”

And that’s the bottom line: In a life threatening situation compliance is an automatic nervous system response, aimed to help us survive. It is not consent.

03/25/2021

Post-traumatic growth: Beyond resilience
suzannefriedmanphd.com/blog/2021/3/25/post-traumatic-growth

03/12/2021

It feels great to be in the office. Switched up the furniture for a fresh start! 🛋

03/02/2021

Have the cookie. 🍪 In honor of Eating Disorders Awareness Week, explore ways in which intuitive eating is healthy for mind, body, and soul.

02/20/2021

I learned about growth mindset from my childhood friend and master middle school math teacher Lisa Schuman Walsh. The application to trauma work is important - and powerful. When our nervous system is chronically activated due to trauma, we cannot think clearly or flexibly. When we are in survival mode, our thinking becomes constrained. It can feel awfully hard to learn, relate, or self-reflect. Moving through trauma involves, in part, removing these constraints.

02/19/2021

🧶 Some hobbies, like crocheting and knitting, can offer the same types of benefits that meditation does.

Because we could all use some extra techniques to relax right now.

02/12/2021

My office assistant

01/06/2021

Just do it. If only it were that simple.

Change is difficult and launching right into action is a sure way to sabotage your effort. Turns out that making change requires patience and the use of specific strategies at particular times.

These ideas are rooted in the work of researchers James Prochaska, John Norcross, and Carlo DiClemente who in the 1980s examined major forms of psychotherapy to create the Transtheoretical Model of Change (or Stages of Change model). Prochaska and his colleagues assert that successful self-changers move gradually through a series of six stages, and that each stage contains certain approaches that help move a person forward in their attempt at change. Moreover, change is not linear - but rather a series of stops and starts for which we can plan.

The Stages of Change model can apply to both behavior and attitude change. Here is a quick glance at the six stages, along with an example for each stage. I’ve chosen body image change (an attitude) as my example.

Precontemplation: You may not think there is a problem. Or you wish to change but have no detailed plan because the cost seems higher than the benefit.
Ex: The problem isn’t my attitude toward my body. The problem is the size of my body.

Contemplation: You believe that change is necessary but feel ambivalent or don’t know how to get started.
Ex: I can see that my feelings about my body are unrealistic and limit me in my life. I don’t know what to do about it.

Preparation: You’re ready, setting goals and making a plan. The benefits of change outweigh the costs. You also plan for relapse.
Ex: I have found good books to read about body image and attitude change. I am learning to be a critical viewer of media images.

Action: You take direct action toward your goals. Motivation & confidence grow.
Ex: I have cancelled my subscription to fashion magazines. I have developed some new hobbies. I focus on what my body does for me.

Maintenance: You’re noticing new behaviors & avoiding old patterns.
Ex: I have allotted time each day to focus on the positive steps I have taken.

Relapse: You slip up. It’s expected. You know that reverting back to old patterns is a natural part of the change process & you’ve planned for ways to address it.
Ex: Maintaining positive body image is a challenge that involves combatting societal images...and I’m too tired today.

Think about a behavior or an attitude you would like to change. What stage do you think you’re in? What are your ideas about ways to gently move yourself forward?

10/30/2020

To say that 2020 has been a challenging year fraught with anxiety, weariness, danger, anger and isolation is an understatement. And now the election is just a few days away.

Many people are experiencing increased worry and fear that comes from the uncertainty that our future holds. Taking care of ourselves is more important than ever.

CARES: The ideas below include different ways that people can cope - check them out and see what fits for you.

Connect with others
—Of course, the pandemic makes it tough to see friends and family in person. You likely feel more isolated now, during a time when our connections and physical proximity to our people are vital.
—Plan an outdoor walk or hike, call a friend, meet for a physically distanced lunch at a park. Physically distant does not have to mean socially distant.

Anchor yourself in the present
—It’s hard not to project into the future. As difficult as it might be, try to ask yourself, “What do I know right now?”
—Engage your senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch) to pay attention to your immediate surroundings.

Rest and take care of yourself
—Sleep, nutrition, and exercise are the basics. Tend to these first.
—Think about things you like to do or have always wanted to try - for example, create art, listen to music, journal, pray, nap, balance your checkbook, do some yoga, crochet, sing, dance, meditate.

Ease up on media consumption
—Work to strike a balance between staying informed and becoming overwhelmed by the news. Limit your exposure and verify information from a variety of sources.
—Choose to engage with digital media platforms that make you feel good.

Stand up and take action
—There are lots of ways to do this. First, vote! Talk to your friends - and their friends - to encourage them to cast their ballot.
—Write letters, volunteer, make calls on behalf of candidates you support, (masked) protest, or donate if you are able.
—Advocate for people facing racism and discrimination.
—Any action you take helps to ground you in the present moment and retain your footing.