01/30/2026
Ten-year-old me was in fifth grade.
In my hometown, four elementary schools merged into one middle school and that’s when everything changed.
Elementary school had been easy. Everyone was my friend.
Middle school felt exciting… until lunchtime.
There wasn’t enough room for me at the table with my elementary friends. They had made new friends in class and were already sitting with them. I remember sitting across the cafeteria, watching them, feeling isolated in a way I had never felt before.
That moment stayed with me.
It was the first time I felt left out and the moment I began people-pleasing. I learned how to shape myself, perform, and bend just enough to earn a seat at the table.
On the days when someone was gone, I felt a quiet thrill sliding into the temporarily open seat. And I’d leave the overflow table behind only to return the next day, carrying guilt with me.
My 10-year-old self would be proud to know this:
I don’t care as much anymore.
I wear what I want.
I say what I feel.
I do what I love.
I no longer chase belonging because I honor it within myself.
She would be so proud of me.
