03/11/2026
Barbara hung up the phone and could not believe what she had just heard. Her 35-year-old daughter, Rebecca, had told her that she needed some space and did not want to have any contact for a month. Barbara was confused, shocked, and deeply hurt. She had heard stories about this generation disrespecting their parents, but she never thought it would happen to her. She replayed the conversation over and over, questioning everything she thought she knew about herself and her relationship with her daughter.
This is the reality for a growing number of parents of adult children nowadays. They may not understand why their child suddenly stepped back, set boundaries, or even went ‘no contact.’ The feelings of confusion, guilt, fear, and grief are real and valid. Yet within this difficult experience lies a deeper invitation: the call to grieve the gap between the parent we are and the parent our children needed.
Most parents carry the desire to give their child the very best of themselves. We dream of being the kind of parent who nurtures, protects, and understands without fail. We imagine a parent who never loses patience, never misjudges, and always knows the right thing to say. And yet, as human beings, no parent can embody perfection.
The gap is the space between the parent we aspire to be and the parent our children actually experience. It is not a reflection of our love, our intentions, or our worth. It is simply a recognition of our humanity.
Grieving the gap is an act of courage. It requires honesty, humility, and the willingness to face painful truths. It asks us to see where our actions, reactions, or unawareness may have contributed to our children’s need to step back, and to accept that some needs may never have been fully met.
Click below to read more of our latest blog, "Grieving the Gap: Encouragement for Parents of Adult Children."
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