01/30/2026
This time of year, the end of January makes me really miss my Lola (grandma) and it also brings a quiet sadness as my baby boyโs birthday approaches, reminding me how quickly heโs growing and how heโs no longer a baby anymore. ๐ค
Yesterday marked 11 years since she passed, and the end of January always carries a softer, heavier energy for me. I think of her often, but this time of year brings it closer. I remember feeling so upset that she wasnโt going to meet her great grand baby. Why did she have to leave so close to his birthday?
The very next day Friday January 30 my contractions started.
And on February 1, my baby boy was born. ๐ค
Looking back I know she sent him early and was able to meet her great grandbaby in her own way. โจ
I feel her presence all the time. Whenever I go into meditation or call in my spirit team sheโs always there. ๐ฟ
Our closeness wasnโt because we saw each other all the time, but when I did see her as a little girl, she really saw me. When I felt invisible, she looked at me with sincerity. She admired me during years I felt awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin. ๐ค
She was from the Philippines, so sometimes her words didnโt come out quite right ๐
. When she thought I looked good, she would smile and say, โI like your bodyโ ๐
At the time it just sounded funny, but now looking back, I can feel how much safety and acceptance were wrapped into those words when I didnโt yet know how to offer that to myself.
Becoming a mom has brought this full circle. Raising a young human has taught me how important it is to be fully present, to really see them, and to help them feel safe expressing what life brings instead of holding it all inside. So much of my own healing and the work I do now lives right here. Learning to trust the body, listen to it, and let love be something we feel, not just something we say. ๐ฑโจ
I didnโt have the energy to write what I needed to write yesterday, so Iโm honoring her today.
Thank you Lola for watching over us and for sending my baby almost two weeks early right when our hearts needed something to smile about ๐