03/02/2024
Do you frequently rush off without saying a proper goodbye to your partner? Or maybe when one of you returns home from work, you plop down on the couch without really acknowledging the other person.
If this sounds familiar, there’s a missed opportunity in your relationship for deeper connection, and it has to do with your hellos and goodbyes.
When partners consistently greet each other well, they look forward to seeing each other. If you are inconsistent about how you greet each other, you can lose that sense of excitement. And even worse, if you criticize each other at the moment of reunion, you can become fearful of seeing each other.
Partings
Setting a few minutes aside to properly say “goodbye” to each other can make a dramatic difference in your thoughts about the relationship during the time you spend apart. Happy couples make an effort to learn one thing that is happening in their partner’s life before saying goodbye in the morning. This could be lunch plans with a best friend, a doctor’s appointment, or a call with their parents. Ask questions and learn about the exciting and not so exciting things about your partner’s day.
Reunions
When you see your partner again at the end of the day, share a hug and kiss that lasts at least six seconds. Dr. John Gottman calls this a “kiss with potential.” Then, have a stress-reducing conversation. A stress-reducing conversation is usually what follows the question, “how was your day?” This provides you with a space for empathy and intimacy, as well as encourages you to understand the stresses and problems outside of your relationship that you’re both facing.
Making sure you’re intentional with your hellos and goodbyes in your relationship may seem like a small detail, but it can make a big difference in helping you feel more connected to each other every day.
