03/30/2026
I’ve been noticing something coming up in my sessions lately, but in an unexpected manner.
Fear of change.
You might be saying, “that’s not unusual, fear of change is common.” I would agree to an extent, fear of change at face level can be something that a lot of people have challenges with. It can be scary because you can’t control change and, for many people, control is a central theme in their lives. It has been programmed into their being. Think of it, how many times have you been told to get yourself under control, control your child, get your life under control. We have been conditioned that if we don’t have everything under control, we are a failure or at the very least, deficient.
What I am noticing is not nearly as obvious. I am seeing fear of change show up in relation to other emotions like jealousy.
I am working with a client whose partner is very outgoing and personable. He loves connecting to other people, talking to his neighbors and helping whoever needs a hand, man or woman. It’s who he is. We have been examining why she gets so jealous when he talks to his female neighbor. We have worked on all of the common reasons for jealousy like trust and self worth and, it is still there. So, then we looked deeper. If he decided that he wanted to be with the neighbor, what would that mean for my client and there it was…CHANGE! It was the fear of change. It wasn’t the possibility of heart break although nobody wants to experience that. It was much broader. If this 15 year relationship ended, then what? Who would she be? What would her life look like?
I’ve seen fear of change show up as chronic anxiety. A feeling like you always need to be looking over your shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Many of these individuals have learned that change is dangerous and that the only way to maintain safety is to avoid change. That often involves controlling everything they possibly can and trying to control everything else.
What if control isn’t the answer? What if safety isn’t about staying in your comfort zone? What if you don’t even feel safe in your comfort zone? How can we begin to feel safe, while loosening the death grip we have on trying to control everything in our lives? What if change opens doors and brings opportunities?
To be continued