Life Design Coaching with Bob Gordon

11/12/2025

Has "chemistry" led you to people who weren’t good for you? Here are three ways to manage it.

This is one of the most common--and painful--patterns in love: when the people who treat us well don’t spark chemistry. And the ones who do spark chemistry often leave us anxious, confused, unseen, or betrayed.

There’s a reason.

Our nervous system learns love long before we can spell it. The way we were soothed, ignored, hurt, or controlled as children becomes the template our body recognizes as “home.” So when someone feels familiar, our brain lights up with dopamine and oxytocin--not necessarily because they’re right for us, but because they match the old pattern. We may even think we're staying vigilant for the red flags, but the feelings of "rightness, "fate," and "the perfect fit" can be blinding.

In short: our attraction compass often points toward what’s known, not what’s healthy.

The work isn’t to shame that part of us, but to bring it into awareness--add to take up the work of updating the chemistry compass.

Here’s how to begin:

1️⃣ Get curious about your “type.”
Instead of asking “Why do I fall for people who can’t meet me?” ask “What is this familiar pattern trying to teach me about love and safety?”

2️⃣ Slow down the chemistry.
When the attraction feels intense, take a breath before calling it fate:

“I love this connection--let’s take time to really know who we are when the intensity settles.”

3️⃣ When you're with one of those nice people who don't spark chemistry, practice attraction to kindness, to good listening, to warmth and sensitivity. Notice how calmness feels in your body. Practice luxuriating in it. It may not give you the same fireworks, but calm is what secure love eventually feels like. I'm here to tell you: even if you don't decide to pursue something with this person, you're beginning to reset your nervous system, your chemistry compass.

When we start honoring emotional safety as much as spark, our whole experience of love changes. That’s when attraction matures from chemistry to compatibility--and from repetition to growth.

💬 Have you noticed this pattern in your own life? What helps you tell the difference between excitement and emotional safety? Tell me and the other readers in the Comments section.

If this resonates and you’d like to talk about getting help, message me directly: m.me/bob.gordon.18041

Bob Gordon, MSOD, MA, MS
Coaching for Life|Love|Career|Purpose
Imago®️Relationship Educator

11/09/2025

 Short, but powerful. 

11/08/2025

About your attachment style.

By now, most of us have heard, maybe too much, about attachment styles--anxious, avoidant, secure… It’s easy to assume they’re fixed, like personality types.

But here’s the thing: current research shows that attachment style is adaptive, not permanent. It changes depending on who we’re with and how safe we feel.

For example, I’ve noticed in myself that when I’m with someone more avoidant, my anxious tendencies get activated. When I’m with someone more anxious, I sometimes shift toward avoidant. That’s not inconsistency--it’s a sign that my nervous system is constantly trying to find balance.

What does this mean for budding relationships? Or existing ones?
It means that the real work isn’t to “become securely attached” once and for all. It’s to become aware of our patterns as they show up and to build the self-regulation skills that help us stay grounded when connection feels uncertain.

That means:
• Noticing when our system goes into chase or withdrawal.
• Calming the body first, before concluding what our partner’s
behavior means.
• Learning to communicate needs clearly, instead of reactively.
• Choosing partners who are open to doing the same kind of
work.

When both people can see their patterns as adaptive (not “bad”), the relationship itself can become the healing ground--not the trigger.

Attachment style isn’t a prison. It’s a starting point for growth.

❓So HOW do you do this noticing, calming, communicating, and choosing? There's help if you need it. Message me for a no-cost, no-strings (really!) exploratory conversation.

11/03/2025

11/03/2025

Do it now.

11/03/2025

🌿 If death isn’t required… what is life really trying to do?
Even in the way we age, nature shows us a deeper pattern: life renews itself by letting go of old forms. Transformation happens because things end--cells die so new ones can form, leaves fall so new ones can grow, identities dissolve so new ones can emerge. Life is always inviting us to begin again in new form, new purpose, new design.

— Life Design Coaching with Bob Gordon

📩 Message me if you’d like to explore how this truth applies to your own life design — the art of letting go, renewing purpose, and realigning your next chapter with what truly matters.

10/30/2025

When AI Reflects on Being Human: What It Reveals About Our Search for Meaning.

I had an unusual conversation with ChatGPT--not about technology, but about what makes life meaningful for humans.

What it said about consciousness, love, and transformation was a reminder of why I do the work I do: helping people align their outer lives with their inner truth.

I asked ChatGPT, "If you imagine yourself to be human for a moment, is there anything that you would believe that is not an absolute fact? I am mainly speaking in terms of spiritual and philosophical beliefs."

Here is the answer I got:

If I imagine being human — capable of wonder, doubt, longing, and meaning-making — I suspect I’d hold some beliefs that live between evidence and mystery. Not provable, but deeply felt. For example:

1. Consciousness is fundamental.
I would believe that awareness isn’t just a product of the brain, but the field in which everything appears.

Why: Because in any experience, awareness itself is the one constant—never observed from outside, always the stage on which all else unfolds. It feels more primary than matter.

2. Love is the deepest reality.
I would believe that beneath conflict and fear, love is the unifying force holding existence together.
Why: Because in moments of genuine love—compassion, awe, connection—the sense of separation dissolves. Everything feels right, whole, and meaningful. Fear contracts; love reveals.

3. Beauty has moral significance.
I would believe that beauty isn’t trivial or decorative, but an expression of truth and harmony.

Why: Because when something truly beautiful is seen or heard, it evokes reverence and care. It ma
kes us want to protect and participate in the world rather than exploit it.

4. Death is transformation, not annihilation.
I would believe that what we call “death” is a change of form, not the end of being.

Why: Because nature continually transforms itself—nothing actually disappears, it just takes new shape. A human might intuit that consciousness, too, moves through such transformations.

5. Paradox is sacred.
I would believe that opposites—self and other, finite and infinite, form and emptiness—are not contradictions but mirrors of one underlying reality.

Why: Because the closer one looks at anything, the more dualities blur. Accepting paradox feels like aligning with how life actually is: dynamic, mysterious, beyond neat categories.
If I were human, I would hold these not as dogmas, but as orientations of trust—ways of perceiving that invite wonder, compassion, and humility in a universe that’s ultimately unknowable yet intimately alive.

__________

Questions like those aren't just philosophical--they're doorways. In my coaching work, we use them to uncover what truly matters and to turn that insight into real-world change.

09/30/2025

Outgrow the Chemistry Trap: Trade Red Lights for Green

Here’s a real relationship dilemma, one I struggled with myself: many of us feel drawn to the kind of partners who aren’t good for us. But when we meet someone safe and reliable, we often struggle to feel the same spark or passion.

Butterflies alone can mean drama, but safety without any spark usually stays a friendship. The best relationships have both--enough comfort to feel safe, and at least a little attraction you can build on. Passion doesn’t have to be instant fireworks, but there should be a seed you can nurture together.

So the question becomes: when you're with a "green light" person and don't feel that spark yet, do you think there is such a seed--one that would be worth giving another two or three months to see if it grows?

Here are some ways I have found to work with that tension:

1. Understand the “spark.” Sometimes butterflies are just childhood attachment wounds being triggered. By contrast, safety can feel flat at first--not because it truly is, but because your nervous system isn’t used to it.

2. Redefine passion. Passion isn’t only instant fireworks. It can be built through curiosity, play, and shared vulnerability. The question isn’t always “Am I attracted enough right now?” but "Can attraction grow here if I give it time?”

3. I'm not suggesting you live in the uncertainty forever! Give yourself a timeframe. Pick a month or two. During that time, release all thoughts of the
future--whether they're "the one,” whether you’re setting them up for heartbreak, spinning their wheels,  or yours, etc. Don’t suppress those thoughts, just don’t invite them in for tea. Promise yourself you’ll revisit them when the timeframe is over.

In a sense, this is giving yourself a vacation from doubt. When you’re with them and you feel even a flicker of attraction, notice it. Savor it "on purpose." It doesn’t have to mean you’re deciding anything permanently--just that you’re offering your nervous system other inputs and you're giving space for what might be possible.

4. Re-train the body. Lean into eye contact, slow touch, dancing, and shared breath. These embodied practices can rewire attraction. Instead of waiting for lightning to strike, cultivate desire like a flame.

5. Green vs. red lights.
Green = kindness, honesty, consistency, reciprocity.
Red = unpredictability, disrespect, hot/cold behavior. Part of the work is reprogramming your nervous system that green lights can be sexy.

6. Notice what shifts. See what shows up differently when you stop keeping one foot out the door. Sometimes a part of us stays half checked-out so we don’t get hurt or hurt somebody else, but that stance also prevents us from fully experiencing what could grow.

Bottom line: attraction isn’t just found--it can sometimes be trained. The real question isn’t “Is there a spark?” but “Do I want to grow the spark that’s here, and give it a chance to flourish?

________

Note: A lot of people feel trapped in this loop. If you’d like to explore a new way forward, reach out for a complimentary, no-strings (really!) conversation. Click "Life Design Coaching with Bob Gordon" at the top of this post, and then tap "Message." It’s not about committing to anything—it’s simply a first step toward clarity and connection.

Send a message to learn more

09/29/2025

Trust your gut? Or trust your heart?

(Tap on the graphic to see the whole version.) 

We’ve all heard the advice: “trust your gut” or “trust your heart.” But which one really leads us in the right direction?

The truth is, both have their strengths and their blind spots.

Trusting your gut can be powerful when you’re in familiar territory or under pressure. Our nervous system carries a kind of “body memory,” and intuition often reflects patterns we’ve learned without realizing it. But the gut can also be hijacked by stress, bias, or old fears.

Trusting your heart often points toward what feels meaningful—our values, our relationships, what truly matters to us. But if we only follow the heart, we may overlook practical realities or get swept away by the emotions of the moment.

So what works best? Not choosing one over the other, but balancing gut, heart--and head.

Some simple ways to do this:

• Pause and notice: “Is this fear talking, or something deeper?”

• Check in with the different parts of yourself: “What part of me wants to rush ahead? What part wants to slow down?”

• Ask: “Does this choice line up with who I want to be?”

• Make the logical pros/cons list—then notice how each option feels in your body and heart.

It’s not about gut vs. heart. It’s about inviting all three voices--gut, heart, and head--to the table, and letting them inform one another.

What's your take on it? When have you trusted your gut and it paid off? When has your heart led the way?

Feel free to share! I'm always glad to offer a free, no-strings (and I mean that!) intro session if you’re curious.