02/08/2026
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1BpyyJ6r5o/
Without fail, every time I speak somewhere, they LOVE to ask me some variation of this:
“How can schools and workplaces better support the wide range of different neurodivergent needs?”
It’s well-intentioned. But also…what you’re really asking is:
How do you help everyone, everywhere, all at once? 😵💫
So, when I can tell people are just searching for
SOMETHING, ANYTHING tangible that can be done,
this is what I say:
“Identify your unspoken rules. And then speak them out loud.”
So much conflict doesn’t come from autistic people refusing to follow rules,
it comes from not knowing the rules existed in the first place.
Examples of American cultural rules that tend to go unspoken:
▪️If food is catered, take what you want from the large platters set up together on one table. Small plates of food left out on different tables typically already belong to someone.
▪️Grooming tasks like clipping nails, fixing teeth, applying deodorant are expected to be done in private spaces.
▪️Using all caps in a text message or email is interpreted as yelling or anger
▪️Leaving personal items spread across shared spaces (tables, desks, couches) can be seen as inconsiderate.
▪️Chewing with your mouth open or making eating sounds is often noticed, even if no one says anything.
To neurotypical people, these rules feel like common sense. To autistic people, they can be like invisible tripwires.
And when those rules are broken unknowingly, the autistic person is labeled as rude, lazy, inappropriate, or difficult…when the real issue was missing information.
If you want to take a single, tangible step towards meaningful inclusion of autistic people…stop expecting everyone to read rules you never wrote.
Slow down. Think through what you assume people “just know.” Then say it plainly. 💕
