Page Rutledge, LCSW, CHt

02/17/2026

I know from personal experience that this matters:

Do you frequently rush off without saying a proper goodbye to your partner? Or maybe when one of you returns home from work, you plop down on the couch without really acknowledging the other person.

If this sounds familiar, there’s a missed opportunity in your relationship for deeper connection, and it has to do with your hellos and goodbyes.

When partners consistently greet each other well, they look forward to seeing each other. If you are inconsistent about how you greet each other, you can lose that sense of excitement. And even worse, if you criticize each other at the moment of reunion, you can become fearful of seeing each other.

Partings
Setting a few minutes aside to properly say “goodbye” to each other can make a dramatic difference in your thoughts about the relationship during the time you spend apart. Happy couples make an effort to learn one thing that is happening in their partner’s life before saying goodbye in the morning, when time allows. This could be lunch plans with a best friend, a doctor’s appointment, or a call with their parents. Ask questions and learn about the exciting and not so exciting things about your partner’s day. And give them a smooch on the way out the door!

Reunions
When you see your partner again at the end of the day, share a hug and kiss that lasts at least six seconds. Dr. John Gottman calls this a “kiss with potential.” Then, have a stress-reducing conversation. A stress-reducing conversation is usually what follows the question, “how was your day?” This provides you with a space for empathy and intimacy, as well as encourages you to understand the stresses and problems outside of your relationship that you’re both facing.

Making sure you’re intentional with your hellos and goodbyes in your relationship may seem like a small detail, but it can make a big difference in helping you feel more connected to each other every day.—Gottman Institute

01/02/2026

I’m back from travels in Spain. Office reopens January 13, 2026. Three spots open for counseling. Check out FAQ’s on site www.pagerutledge.com.

12/02/2025

This is filled with great suggestions—not your same old enchilada!

DEPRESSION TIPS:
Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you gotta.
Moisturize everything. Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Dollar store lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis.

Put on clean, comfortable clothes.
Put on your favorite underwear. Cute black lacy panties? Those ridiculous boxers you bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? Put them on.

Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost. I always use lemon.
Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink.

Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s ramen. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.
Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create.

Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps.

Cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out, anything.
May seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive.

*** At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on.

*** In case nobody has told you today I love you and you are worth your weight and then some in gold, so be kind to yourself and most of all keep pushing on!!!!

Find something to be grateful for!


1-800-273-8255

11/04/2025

Why We Argue
Why do couples fight? Couples don’t just fight about dishes, money, or schedules, they fight because they’re trying to express deeper needs that often go unheard.

Conflict often stems from feelings of not being appreciated, valued, or emotionally understood. Beneath most arguments are longings for love, respect, and safety. When those needs aren’t met, frustration and defensiveness can take over.

Common disagreements often arise around communication, money, values, trust, intimacy, household responsibilities, parenting, lifestyle choices, and future plans. These are all normal issues to face together.

Every couple argues. It doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. Arguments are chances to understand each other more deeply. When you approach conflict with curiosity instead of defensiveness, you create space for empathy, trust, and growth.

Your to-do this week:
Pick one area where tension tends to surface and set aside 15 minutes this week to talk about it calmly. Focus on listening to understand, not to win. Approach with curiosity. Don’t blame or shame. End the conversation by sharing one thing you appreciate about your partner.—Gottman Institute

10/30/2025

Rituals are on my mind.
Thriving relationships have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together: a culture rich with symbols and rituals and an appreciation for your roles and goals that bind you together.

Take some time to examine your rituals. What rituals can you renew? What can you change or add? What’s outdated?

Here are some rituals to examine this season:
Waking up, waking one another up
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, &/or coffee together
Bedtime
Leaving one another
Reuniting
Handling finances
Athletics/exercise
Celebrations (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)
Taking care of each other when sick
Renewing your spirit
Recreation, games, play
Dates and romantic evenings
Watching television
Running errands, doing chores
Doing schoolwork
Soothing other people’s feelings
Apologizing or repairing feelings after an argument
Common hobbies
Making art
Discovering what kinds of rituals you would like to introduce, change, or continue in your relationship will help you in many ways: to feel the comfort and trust that comes from relying on regular routines, turning towards each other, building stronger bonds, and inevitably deepening your emotional connection.

The more shared meaning you can find, the deeper, richer, and more rewarding your relationship will be.—Gottman Institute

If you need help in your relationship, contact me at www.pagerutledge.com

09/30/2025

https://pagerutledge.com/the-1-relationship-skill-most-couples-in-wilmington-overlook/
Do you find yourself feeling like you have to defend when you are fighting with your partner? If so, read on...

One of the greatest human failings is to prefer to be right rather than effective.

09/16/2025

What’s behind your conflict?
Fights often have deeper meaning. Here are some common underlying issues couples can have:

A fight about chores may really be about feeling unappreciated.

A disagreement over spending might reflect deeper worries about security.

An argument about screen time may really be about longing for more attention and connection.

A conflict over parenting styles might reflect fears about not being respected or supported as a parent.

A disagreement about social plans may actually be about wanting to feel like a priority.

Tension around intimacy might point to deeper needs for affection, closeness, or reassurance.

A fight about being late may really be about one partner’s need for reliability and trust.

According to Gottman research, every conflict has “dreams within” it. These dreams are the values, needs, or fears hidden underneath.

When you slow down and ask, “What’s really at the heart of this for you?” you can move from fighting to understanding. Find out more at www.pagerutledge.com

09/09/2025

Curiosity is one of the most underrated tools in a healthy relationship. If I can help a couple shift to this mindset, I consider it a great success, and it is not easy--for them.

It is not easy because big emotions swallow them whole in a conflict.


When challenges come up, it’s easy to slip into judgment, defensiveness, or shutting down. But choosing curiosity changes the conversation.



Instead of asking, “Why would you do that?,” curiosity invites, “Help me understand what this means for you.”



Staying curious keeps the door open for dialogue and helps you discover the emotions and needs underneath the surface.



It will strengthen trust and connection, because when you feel heard and valued, even conflict can bring you closer.



So remember…

Ask questions.
Stay curious.
Really listen.

If you need help with this contact me at

Anxiety Therapy J. Page Rutledge specializing in general anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, attachment anxiety, and mid-life change.

07/30/2025

Most arguments aren’t really about what they appear. If you are stuck in repeated fights that go nowhere, contact me at www.pagerutledge.com

06/16/2025

Why do humans kiss?💋
1. Biological and Evolutionary Reasons
• Chemical exchange: Kissing allows for the exchange of pheromones and other chemical cues. These can help humans subconsciously assess genetic compatibility, especially related to immune system genes (like MHC).
• Oxytocin and bonding: Kissing stimulates the release of oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”), dopamine (pleasure), and serotonin (well-being). These neurochemicals reinforce pair bonding, attachment, and romantic desire — all helpful for keeping mates together long enough to raise offspring.

2. Developmental Origins
• Mouth-to-mouth feeding: In some ancient and traditional societies, caregivers fed babies by passing chewed food mouth to mouth. This intimate behavior may have set the stage for affectionate mouth contact.
• Comfort and safety: Infants associate the mouth and face with safety and nourishment, so adults may retain some of this imprinting in romantic bonding.

3. Cultural Influence
• Not all human cultures kiss in a romantic way — anthropologists estimate about 44% of cultures engage in romantic kissing. So while it feels universal to many, it’s partly learned.
• Where kissing is practiced, it often becomes a social script — a symbolic gesture that conveys love, desire, trust, or commitment.

4. Do Any Other Animals Kiss?

Not exactly like humans, but some come close:
• Bonobos (our close relatives) kiss mouth-to-mouth — often with tongue — as part of social bonding and conflict resolution.
• Dogs and cats may lick faces affectionately, which can serve similar bonding purposes.
• Birds like parrots sometimes touch beaks in a way that looks like kissing, often as courtship behavior.

05/24/2025

https://pagerutledge.com/navigating-retirement-as-a-couple/

Retirement: more time for love… and more time to notice how loud your partner chews. 😅

Retirement: more time for love… and more time to notice how loud your partner chews. 😅

05/15/2025

When should you go to couples therapy?

Anytime- if your thinking about it, it’s worth it. A Relationship doesn’t have to feel catastrophic in order seek counseling. It can provide reconnection, learned intimacy skills, improve communication, help manage external situations, etc.

And say yes to your partner the first time they ask you to attend together. So many wait until they are so deeply stuck in negative cycles, it takes longer to unwind them.

If you need help, or a friend is asking you for recommendations, I will have a couple of openings beginning in June

Anxiety Therapy J. Page Rutledge specializing in general anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, attachment anxiety, and mid-life change.