Living With The Elderly

Recently a study found that adults would rather do the dreaded talk with their children about sex than discuss this job. Seeing those study results I experienced a wild mix of feelings. Having done that job, and looking at doing it again, I immediately understood not wanting to talk about it. Memories of feeling helpless, frustrated, wanting direction yet not wanting to ask or know who to ask still surround my recollection of time on the job. I never asked for the job nor was I given any training for it, I was just expected to "do it". The job I am talking about is caring for your elders. They may be your parents, siblings, aunt, uncle or even grandparent. Right now there are over 65 million people caring for the elderly. Although some have been trained in hospitals or nursing homes, most of you, like me haven't received any training. Caring for the elderly is not a job for sissies. Those of you who have been there know that it is one of the hardest jobs that you'll ever do. There were some days I just felt like crying on the inside while appearing strong and carrying on. I put on my big girl pants and did what needed to be done, even though my insides felt like jelly. My husband and I thought we had all the bases covered when we began caring for my mother. We consulted with a lawyer, with her doctor, with her friends, with family members and with her pharmacist. We thought we were as prepared as possible. We also thought making accommodations in our home would help. These included widening the doorways, modifying the bathroom and other structures. Those things helped, yet caregiving is so much more than just accommodations, managing medications and legal paperwork. I was also in what some call 'the sandwich generation'. I had young children at home when I began caring for my mother. The pressures of caring for children and my elderly parent at the same time proved quite a challenge. I was often caught between the needs of my children, my mother and my husband. They each had different sets of needs. They all looked to me to provide the care they each needed. So, how did I do it? I am not superwoman, supermom or super anything. I succeeded in some areas and didn't do so well in others. My book, "Who Stole My Mother?" is my adventure in caring for my aging mother. What makes my adventure different is that I share with you what worked and what didn't. I often heard that you learn from your mistakes. I learned some powerful lessons about family, myself and giving care to the elderly from my mistakes. I want to share those practical lessons with you, both what worked and what did not. I often told said to my husband "I wouldn't wish this on anybody". I usually included a few other choice words when saying it though. That is why I put together the lessons and experiences I went through in a book for you. You may not have a choice about caring for the elderly, but you do have a choice about what questions you need to ask and answers to things you may wonder about in your head. You do have a choice in 'how' you deal with your elder care situation. That balancing act of being sandwiched was tough. I survived, and you can to. You may have to learn, like I did, that you can't balance it all. In restoring balance in your life, some things will fall. So how do you decide which things get dropped? I'll give you what worked for me in deciding what to balance and what you can let go of. I'll also tell you how to start on that balancing, whether it be housework, checkbooks or time. I included what didn't work as well, because if you are like me, you have asked "why not?"

Many times knowing those "why not?" answers helped me make better decisions. In sharing what I learned you will discover what works, what didn't along with why it didn't work. You will see for yourself the answer to "why not?"

After going through what I did, I told myself "I wouldn't wish that on anybody". I don't want you to have to do the caregiving job without instructions or orientation. I've experienced feeling lost and confused, while at the same time wondering what to do and feeling helpless. I often thought 'I wish somebody would have told me about (fill in the blank)..." Your time spent caregiving does not have to be a nightmare. You can discover ways of keeping your sanity while being sandwiched between the generations. "I'd give anything to have my life back"

There are ways of regaining control of your life, instead of letting the care taking control it. Ouru book, "Who Stole My Mother?", gives you tricks and tactics that put you back in control of your home, your life and your emotions. There are many questions that you may have wondered about, but were either too tired to ask or never got around to it. Things like "How many medications is too many medications?" and "How far should I go in accommodating my elderly parent" and "How will I know that it is time to consider other options?"

Instead of obsessing with questions, you can have answers. Answers to those questions give you peace of mind. It is not just a matter of 'that's helpful', these answers help you develop care plans that work along with when actions are needed. Caring for your family member is easier when you have your confidence back. You can enjoy the peace that comes from being in charge of your own home again

You can enjoy restful nights without obsessing about what may happen tomorrow

Regaining my life back, my family back and my mind back made a world of difference to me, as it can for you. It will also save you time by knowing what you need to talk with the professionals about rather than guessing about things or running around to multiple offices and appointments. It will save you money by helping you know key questions and concerns of doctors and lawyers. "Who Stole My Mother?" gives you hope, clear direction and practical "how-to" guidance for your 'on the job training' in caring for your elderly parent. Your story may not be as extreme as mine was. When you are in the middle of caregiving, many things seem extreme. You need reassurance that there is hope, that you can survive, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Caring for an elderly parent is so much more than just taking them to the doctor and having legal papers in order. Caring involves more than housekeeping, pill sorting and bill paying. With all these responsibilities, you can't afford making mistakes yourself. What you save in not making mistakes will more than pay for the cost of the book. I also want you to know ways of avoiding becoming enemies with your parent while you are caring for them. I love the elderly, and have always enjoyed hearing the stories of old men and women. Caring for your elderly can be an experience that you enjoy. It can be a time that becomes priceless to you and them, or it can be a living hell when you're going through it. The difference is in having learned how to do it well. I encourage you to take action today. The sooner you take action, the sooner your care giving will begin improving.